


Getting By

by TheNumberOneSecretary



Series: You'll Never Get What You Want Unless You Take It [1]
Category: Shelter (2007)
Genre: Angst, Domestic, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 55,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2084136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNumberOneSecretary/pseuds/TheNumberOneSecretary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how three lives are irrevocably altered by one woman leaving in a car.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been hosted elsewhere for a few years, but I thought it was time I posted it here. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this; it's fluffy and angsty and domestic as hell, and I fell in love even more with these guys when I wrote it.
> 
> Characters and the events that happened during 'Shelter' do not belong to me, obviously.
> 
> Reviews are always appreciated.

It feels like it was yesterday Zach remembers her climbing into the truck with Alan, wiping a couple of stray tears away and slamming the door. The engine is revved loudly and the truck roars out of sight down the highway and leaves the three of them huddled there; Shaun, sombre but supportive, Cody leaning against his side in the huge jumper, and Zach staring at the space left by his sister. There is silence for a full minute, as Zach realises the scale of what he has asked Shaun to take on, and what he is offering Cody. 

It is Cody who breaks the silence, peeling away from Shaun and walking toward the door left ajar. He picks up the fire truck that Alan stepped on and got mad at, and stares at it for a while before taking it into the house. Zach feels as though he should go after him, but his body just stays where it is, transfixed by the familiar surroundings. After a moment Shaun raises his hand to stroke the back of Zach’s head, and the reassurance is there suddenly, that Shaun is willing to do all this because of how he feels about Zach. He springs into action, desperate to stop the silence;

“Guess we’d better get stuff ready then, huh?” he says, and moves away reluctantly from Shaun’s side. Shaun isn’t stupid, he knows that he’s feeling shitty, and wants him to know that he doesn’t ever have to feel sad, lonely or lost again. So he shows him the only way he can think of just then; he grabs Zach’s hand as he tries to walk away, and swings him round until he is facing him.  
“Babe, we got all the time we need now, its just us and Cody, you got that?” and while Zach is still smiling that killer half-smile he does, Shaun leans in and brushes his lips against his, just a comforting, you’ll-be-ok kiss. No lust, nothing dirty, just a reminder.

-

The box of Cody’s stuff just hasn’t been packed well, and Zach wonders again why he said he could pack his own clothes and toys. The toy snake is dangerously close to falling out completely, and the pyjamas are on top of the old bear that desperately needs a wash and repair. He tries to balance the box under one arm as he fumbles for the keys Shaun gave him before they left the house behind. He manages to get the right one, but as he attempts to put it in the lock he drops them, and with a loud curse bends down to pick them up, spilling the box in the process. 

Inside Shaun hears the commotion coming from the other side of the door, and smiles to himself. He can just see Zach’s face, tense and irritated as he beats himself up over being so stupid, and thinks he’d better go see if he needed help. When he opens the door Zach is bent down, picking up scattered toys, clothes and pictures. Shaun fights the urge to laugh as he leans down to give him a hand and Zach looks up at him, cheeks flushed, painfully aware of what Shaun must be thinking right now. When they have picked up all the toys, deposited them inside and Zach has turned to go and get the last of the stuff from the car, Shaun shuts the front door and leans him up against it, kissing around the side of his neck, and even from there he can feel the tension fading a little and the skin around his jaw that is pressed against his cheek pull up into a satisfied smile.

 

Everything unpacked and put away, Cody asleep on the sofa bed until they can get to the furniture store, they sit on the little balcony, overlooking the shore. It’s still new to Zach; all the traffic that just never stops going, and the lights of the buildings below their feet and all about them. It’s a little busier than he’s used to, but as Shaun says, “At least it’s alive.” Zach has to agree with that one.

-

Later on that month, after all the phone calls and visits they’ve been making, they get a place for Cody at a kindergarten a few blocks away. Zach frets about it when they lie in bed.  
“He’ll be okay, right?”  
Shaun groans as they have the conversation for what seems like the hundredth time.  
“Yeah babe, he’ll be fine. What do you think’s gonna happen?”  
Zach doesn’t have a reply for that really, he knows that if he says ‘be mean to him,’ that Shaun will sigh, pull him closer and give him a teasing pinch, accusing him of being a worrywart. So he shrugs a little and tries not to think about it too much, turning his attention to his lover and the special world they create when it’s just them, alone at night.

-

Jeanne calls once a week, usually on a Sunday afternoon, because that’s the time when Alan is watching a game with his buddies at some bar or other, and she’s on her own. Cody tells her excitedly about his new school, his bedroom that has the pictures on the walls that Zach has painted for him, and how awesome Shaun is. When he passes the phone over to Zach once he has finished speaking to her, Zach detects a note of jealousy in her voice that Cody is happy without her, but as Shaun says, “Jeanne can’t have it both ways. She made her choice.” He’s right of course, and they all know it’s for the best. Sometimes Cody seems sad, or just a little quiet after she’s rung, but as the weeks roll on he doesn’t seem so worried. At school he tells people that his Mommy lives far away, but it’s okay because he has Zach and Shaun, and Shaun rocks because he lets him eat whatever he wants when Zach works late on a Thursday. When his teacher tells Zach this, he makes a mental note to discuss this with Shaun when he gets home. 

When they do discuss the issue one evening after watching TV, he hears Shaun sigh against his ear as he leans back, and tells him to stop being so overprotective of Cody,  
“He’s a kid Zach, he doesn’t cause shit at home or school, and he’s adjusting to this well, so I think we can perhaps just let him get what he wants a couple of times a week.” Zach is tempted to say otherwise, but bites his tongue and accepts what Shaun is saying.

-

Soon Christmas rolls around, and they get a call from Jeanne asking if she can come and see Cody. Zach doesn’t know what to say; he can’t refuse her because she’s Cody’s mom, but at the same time, he doesn’t want her intruding on their carefully constructed little world. It’s just one of those things. Of course he says yes, and Shaun dutifully says that if he’s happy, that’s fine. Cody is overjoyed at the thought of seeing Jeanne again, and spends all day at kindergarten making her a card with lots of glitter, and a cool picture of Santa on a motorbike. When Zach comes home the day before Christmas Eve he sees Cody’s door shut tight and hears the raised voice of Shaun on the balcony. He walks through the sitting room to see what’s going on, and overhears his conversation.  
“Jesus Jeanne, did you have to wait till now to let him down? He’s just a kid, and he loves you! Whatever shit you put him through, he’ll always think of you as his perfect mommy, God knows why….Yeah?...well I’m the asshole that’s helping to raise your kid while you shack up with some guy….don’t start the tears crap Jeanne, I’m not freakin’ buying it. Whatever. Enjoy your Christmas.” With that he hangs up and braces his hands on the railing of the balcony, dropping his head down and sighing. Zach knows he should be mad that he spoke like that to her, but all he can think is how angry he is himself at Jeanne for dropping Cody just because Alan wants her around. He puts his hand on Shaun’s hip and leans his forehead into his shoulder. They stand there for five minutes or so before Shaun takes him by the hand and they go and console Cody.  
\- Christmas day comes around, and they try to have the best, most fun day they can so Cody forgets his mom isn’t there. The adults drink champagne, a gift from Shaun’s mom and….Larry, that made Shaun roll his eyes when he took it out of the bag.  
“How great of them to send us a bottle of wine. Larry probably has twenty of these in the cellar. What a dick.” Zach just kisses him and puts the wine in the fridge for later. They buy sparkling grape juice for Cody so he can have some in a grown up glass at lunch, which Zach prepares, smiling to the festive songs on the radio and listening to his guys playing with the new toys in the other room. Despite the fact that they both work stupidly busy schedules and talk about parent teacher meetings and groceries instead of having sex all the time, he has never been happier. 

Later, after they gently put Cody to bed when he finally gets all the excitement out of his system, they lay there, looking at each other. They decided to wait till they were alone to do presents. Zach gives a painting of Shaun teaching Cody how to surf, kinda abstract but still noticeably them, and Shaun gives Zach a thin book with a plain cover, and when Zach looks inside he realises it’s the story of two guys who met, bonded and fell in love over surfing. Shaun blushes, and murmurs an - 

Jeanne finally makes it down to see Cody in late January, and takes him out for the day to the bowling alley and the beach. Shaun gives her and Zach some time to talk that evening as he puts Cody to bed. Jeanne says about how great everything is in Portland, and how she’s sure Alan is going to marry her. Zach nods and says how great that is. He doesn’t suggest she take Cody, and she never mentions it. When she leaves the next day Cody doesn’t cry, like they thought he would, and Jeanne looks a little insulted by it as she gets on the bus. Zach returns to the apartment to find Shaun cleaning up.  
“Just want the place to be ours again,” he says, and Zach leaves him to it. Later, in their bedroom, Shaun is rough, leaving prints of his fingers and teeth all over Zach’s torso. Afterwards he is so sorry, and feels so guilty that Zach has to hold him in his arms and swear it doesn’t matter. Shaun says he didn’t mean to take it out on him – Jeanne just makes him so goddamn angry.

At kindergarten someone calls Shaun and Zach fags, and Cody pushes them over. Shaun is apoplectic, wanting to take Cody out of that school and go down to see the principal, but Zach calms him down with words and soothing kisses. He tells Shaun that this kid has just picked up on careless language his parents have thrown around, and he doesn’t really know what it means. Shaun averts his eyes and nods, but he is withdrawn for the rest of the evening.

-

On Valentines Day Cody makes them both a card; Shaun’s has a surfboard on, and Zach’s has what appears to be a paintbrush painted on the front. They all go out to eat pizza that night, and for the first time Zach holds Shaun’s hand on top of the table, in public. Shaun just smiles and strokes his thumb over Zach’s knuckles.  
\- 

The week after, his publisher calls and says that they’re holding a publicity event for the new book. Shaun asks Zach if he would like to come to the event as his date, and Zach promises he will think about it. Shaun is pretty sure he’ll say no, and beams from ear to ear when he says that he will, as long as he doesn’t have to wear a suit.

The event is everything Shaun hoped, and Zach feared it would be. There are writers and critics milling around, asking Shaun about the metaphors and grammatical devices in the story, and Zach has a smile frozen on his face as he tries to look like the intellectual, sophisticated boyfriend. When they get in the taxi later Shaun looks at him sympathetically.  
“How much did you hate it?”  
Zach tries to protest feebly, but Shaun rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically,  
“Tell me. Was it awful?”  
“Yeah. I’m sorry, I tried, but I just felt kinda…stupid.”  
Shaun looks at him in confusion. He doesn’t understand how Zach can think so little of his own brain and talents. He tells him that half those people don’t understand the book, and the other half think it's trash reading. Zach feels a little better after that.

-

In April Cody comes down with a bad case of Chicken Pox, and Zach goes out of his mind with worry, trying to balance his first year final project, working at the café and looking after him. Shaun steps in and firmly tells him that he’s going to be just fine, and he’s got a bit of time off since the book has been published. Zach argues a little that Cody isn’t Shaun’s responsibility, but Shaun tells him categorically to shut up, and he and Zach share Cody. The debate stops almost before it begins, and Zach gives a little.

He comes home after working late on a Thursday to find Cody asleep in a clean pair of pyjamas, and Shaun asleep on the beanbag by the side of the bed, the soothing lotion he put on Cody’s back still underneath his nails. He gently wakes him up and leads him to the shower, and then to bed, where Shaun mumbles to himself as he falls back to sleep.

-

After Cody gets better Shaun comes down with Shingles, and this drives Zach even more insane.  
“Didn’t you have chicken pox as a kid?” he asks frantically, as Shaun lies shivering in bed, his face blotchy and swollen from the infection. Shaun coughs a little in response and says that he doesn’t remember. Zach calls the Doctor when Shaun’s fever rises, and he tells him to take him down to the Emergency Room, so Cody is bundled sleepily into the back of the van and Zach helps Shaun into the passenger seat and does up his belt. At the hospital they decide to take him in for observation until they can get the fever broken. Zach sits in the seat beside the bed with Cody asleep on his lap and stays awake all night, occasionally brushing his hands over Shaun’s burning forehead.

Once the worst has passed Shaun is allowed home, and Zach takes a couple of days off until he thinks he can be left on his own. Cody’s friend Bobby’s mom volunteers to take him for a couple of nights until things blow over, and Zach is so grateful he feels like he could cry. In the morning he gets out the antibiotics and pours a glass of orange juice for Shaun so he can boost his immune system, and sits in the front room painting in fits and starts, creating jagged, frantic pieces of work that pour from him in bursts.

When Shaun has recovered enough, Zach tells him that he needs a break from working. They argue for a while as Shaun tells him he hasn’t been overdoing things, and if anyone needs the break its Zach. It goes on until they compromise and agree that they both need a break, so Shaun swallows his pride and asks his mom as nicely as he can if they could borrow their cabin in the mountains for a few days.

-

The cabin is nice, made of wood and smelling like bonfires. Cody runs around, touching all the cool stuff and begging for them to take him down to the lake he can see from his window. Shaun grins at Zach and goes to the bedroom to change, winking at him over his shoulder as he goes.

Later on, with Cody fast asleep in front of the fire, cheeks rosy from good healthy air, they sit out on the porch with a bottle of red wine. Zach looks sideways at Shaun and his heart hurts when he thinks about how much he owes him. Shaun doesn’t even have too look at him to know he is thinking too much; he just tells him casually to stop over-analysing, and lays his hand on Zach’s knee. The sex later is pretty much the best ever, and Zach can’t stop smiling as he pulls Shaun’s arms around him as they fall off to sleep.

-

One Tuesday in August Zach stands in front of his canvas and frowns; only two weeks until the new school year begins and he’s hardly done any art work at all. Most days he balanced looking after Cody when Shaun couldn’t do it with working extra holiday cover shifts at the café. His evenings seemed to consist of coming back smelling of food and coffee, showering quickly, making sure Cody had brushed his teeth, and falling in a tired heap on the bed. 

On this particular day though, he managed to get his shift swapped, and Shaun has taken Cody to the beach for some guy time. Zach stands, arms crossed and a frown on his face as he wills inspiration to come. His tutor at Cal Arts always says that if you think too hard about what you want to create you block yourself, so thinking about something unrelated to painting will help. Zach tries to clear his mind, but the more he thinks about not thinking, the more the idea that he really ought to have done something by now keeps springing up. He moves the spray can around in his fingers then sets it down next to the paintbrushes and rags he has littered the coffee table with. Sighing, Zach walks to the kitchen to get a soda and leans against the counter as he drinks it. As the bubbles fizz up the back of his nose and he half snorts-half coughs, he thinks about how Shaun laughs whenever that happens, and tells him that he shouldn’t drink it so fast. That first night, when things really changed, he had almost snorted his beer out of his nose when they were laughing about Gabe and his stupid pranks. Shaun had laughed even harder when he had put his hand to his nose just in case, and that had set them both off again. Zach let his mind wander back to then; it seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet only a few weeks since Jeanne had left, and Shaun had taken them in. 

Shaun…

As always, Zach can’t help but smile when that thought crosses his mind. He wishes he could say properly what he wants to, but it’s Shaun that’s best with words, and who was always the first to suggest a resolution to an argument, or to say that he only got mad because he cared so much. Zach realises that he never says the word, but Shaun says it, even if it is mostly whispered into his ear during sex. The point is that he always lets Zach knows he loves him and Cody, and their muddled up life together, and Zach can’t help but think that perhaps he should be the one to say what this means to him.  
When Shaun gets back that evening, with a still damp Cody attached to his hand, the first thing he does is stop in the door to the front room to see how Zach’s getting on. He is about to say something but realises that he is still painting furiously, his back to the door, pretty oblivious to what’s going on, so he backs out of the room quietly and goes to make sure Cody gets in the shower to rinse all the salt water out of his hair.

While Cody gets ready for bed Shaun makes his way into the kitchen to make a little dinner; nothing special, just chicken, potatoes and vegetables. He sits Cody down at the counter to eat his and carries a plate into Zach.  
“Hey, you gonna stop working for five minutes and eat something?” he calls softly from the doorway, and Zach starts, turning round and rubbing his hand over his eyes.  
“Yeah, sorry, just got caught up I guess. Cody alright?”  
“Of course, he’s just eating his dinner now. All ready for bed and everything.”  
Zach smiles and reaches for a sheet to cover the picture carefully before going to the doorway and taking the plate from Shaun. They sit down on the couch and Shaun talks about his day, while Zach just sits, watching him, a half smile pulling at his mouth. After a while Shaun realises he is the only one saying anything and takes a moment to properly look at Zach,  
“What’re you thinking about? You look pretty happy.”  
“Nothin’, just glad to be eating; I didn’t have anything for lunch, so I’m pretty hungry.”  
Shaun just raises an eyebrow and turns on the television, and they watch the glowing screen in comfortable silence.

-

The day after, with Cody at the park with a friend, Shaun is at his desk in the bedroom, thumping away in irritation at the chapter that just will not come together, when his cellphone buzzes. He checks it, relieved at the distraction from work. An SMS from Zach;  
‘Hey, hope ur workin hard 2day, what u doin for lunch? ’  
Shaun grins and writes back; ‘Probably sitting here and banging the stupid computer on the floor. Coming home for something to eat? X’  
He sits and stares at the message, deleting and retyping the ‘x’ several times. He groans as he wonders why he’s worrying about something so small after all this time? So he leaves the kiss and puts the phone down, sneaking glances at the screen every now and then, waiting for a response. After ten minutes it is with a small tinge of disappointment that he thinks Zach must be back at work, and he carries on resentfully thumping the keyboard every now and then.

At one o’clock Shaun saves the few paragraphs he’s managed and shuts the laptop. He stands up, stretching tight muscles, and rolls his neck from side to side to ease the cricks out. The sun is shining outside, and a breeze floats in, bringing the smell of the sea to the apartment. Taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes and tries to take his mind off the task in hand, but they pop open again when he hears the front door shut. Zach walks into the front room with a grocery bag and a smile, leaning in to give Shaun a kiss. Seeing the look of surprise on his face, Zach shrugs and turns to take the bag into the kitchen, calling out over his shoulder,  
“What, I just came to bring you some lunch!”  
His voice trails away as he walks into the kitchen, and Shaun grins to himself as he follows.

After they eat the sandwiches Zach makes, Shaun pulls Zach onto the sofa and slips his arms around him, leaning his forehead against Zach’s temple.  
“So really, what was the occasion?”  
“For what?”  
“Bringing me lunch, it doesn’t exactly happen everyday does it?”  
Zach tries to look offended, but shrugs a little instead, blushing slightly. Shaun turns his face to look into his eyes, and frowns when he can’t read the expression.  
“Is everything okay? You’re not going to tell me something awful are you?”  
“No, everything’s fine. It’s just…”  
Shaun rolls his eyes at Zach’s inability to say what he actually feels. So many times it has been Shaun who has had to finish what he thinks Zach’s trying to say, and even if he does get it right, it’s still frustrating.  
“Please, just say it, you’re making me nervous!” and he feels even more worried when he sees Zach rolling his lips inward as if trying to think of how to phrase it.  
“You know, it’s been like…a year since we first…y’know…”  
Shaun is completely confused for a few seconds, and then it dawns on him, and he almost laughs at Zach’s awkwardness.  
“Are you saying that this was for an anniversary?”  
Zach forces himself to meet his eyes, and nods ever so slightly, feeling stupid, expecting Shaun to laugh at him for being so stupid. 

The kiss Shaun gives him shows that he thinks the gesture was anything but.


	2. Chapter 2

The last week of the Summer break Jean asks if Cody can go to Portland to stay with her while Alan is away. Shaun doesn’t need to say anything, his disapproval is written plainly over his face. Zach doesn’t want him to go, but as he says sadly to an angry Shaun; “She’s still his mom, we aren’t his parents.” All too soon September rolls around, and then it’s Cody’s first day back to School, so Zach runs around like a headless chicken, trying to find the lunchbox that hasn’t been used all summer, while Shaun watches Cody try to do up his laces again. Zach zips up his jacket and holds out his hand for Cody to take, and gets impatient when he doesn’t immediately take it. “Hurry up, Cody; you can’t be late for school!” But Cody just stands there, hands by his sides, a scowl on his face. Zach looks at Shaun in exasperation. Shaun stands there with a half smile on his face. Zach takes a deep, calming breath and bends down to look at Cody. “What’s the matter? Why don’t you want to go to school?”

“I want Shaun to come with us!” So that’s it. Zach starts making excuses for why Shaun can’t come, but Cody isn’t buying it, and after watching Zach flounder for a while, Shaun slips on his shoes, puts his keys in his pocket and picks up Cody’s other hand. “Come on buddy, can’t be late for class – you get to meet your new teacher!” And just like that the situation is diffused, and they leave the apartment in a rag-tag procession, Zach pulling the door shut as Cody’s excited voice floats up the stairs. -

The second year of Cal Arts is getting tougher and tougher, and as much as Zach doesn’t want to, Shaun insists that he cut down on his hours at the diner. “You can’t do it all, Zach; you have enough to deal with keeping your school work under control and dealing with Cody.” Zach is tempted to be hot-headed about it and start a fight, but when he looks in Shaun’s eyes and sees the concern reflecting back at him, he just stops and nods meekly. Shaun looks at him with the ghost of a smile flitting about his lips, and fights back the urge to grab him and pull him into the bedroom, instead turning away and reaching to pick up some toys that are littered across the sofa. -

November brings a chill wind and a head cold for Zach. His project partner Louise tells him to go home after she realises he hasn’t been listening to her for the past half hour. He protests weakly, but then gives one of those textbook sneezes that leaves him with pain in his ears and a sore throat. She winces, pats him gingerly on the back and shows him to the door, making him swear to message her when he gets home safe. Shaun turns when he hears the front door slam. He pokes his head out into the hall to see what’s going on and frowns when he sees Zach’s back retreating into the bedroom. Shaun opens his mouth to ask what he’s doing back so early when he is silenced by another violent sneeze from Zach, who flops back on the bed with his arms flung across his face. Without a word Shaun goes to the kitchen and boils the kettle, taking out the honey from the cupboard and the ginger from the fridge. He adds a little lemon juice into the cup and pours the boiling water over the ingredients, stirring it leaving it to cool for a while. He takes two aspirin from the packet and takes the pills and the drink back to the bedroom, where Zach is in the same position as before. He puts the things down on the table next to the bed and gently pulls at Zach’s hands until they are away from his face. “Hey, time to get into bed I think.” He says kindly, shaking his head when Zach murmurs something unintelligible and tries to pull away. “If you just quit moaning about it then it’ll be done before you know it.” Zach glares at him through slightly red eyes and sits like a petulant child at the edge of the bed while Shaun rolls his eyes and pulls his shoes off, peeling his socks away before moving his hands upward to start working at the button on his jeans. “Shaun, I can get myself undressed! I’m not a kid.” “I didn’t say you were; I was just trying to get you more comfortable.” “Well I’m fine; I don’t need your help.” And once it’s been said Zach knows he sounds like an ungrateful brat. Because how could he say shit like that to Shaun when it’s him that’s responsible for their great life out there? There is a moment of silence while Zach panics a little and Shaun stays where he is, avoiding eye contact. After the quiet stretches on just a little too long Zach covers Shaun’s hands with his own and strokes the calloused pad of his thumb across the skin of Shaun’s forefinger. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be a douchebag to you. Guess I’m just kinda bad at being the patient.” Shaun gives a chuckle in spite of himself and pushes away the feeling of hurt Zach’s words left him with. He stands and gets him to his feet, pulling him in for a hug. Zach buries his head in the dip between his head and shoulder while Shaun rubs his hand up and down his back, feeling the heat of a low fever pulsing out from the t-shirt hanging across his back. “Zach?” he says against the soft hair above his ear, and Zach hums questioningly in response; “Did you just call me a douchebag? “ The sound of Zach’s muffled laughing is the most welcome sound he’s heard all day. -

* * *

 

One Sunday in December Shaun asks Cody what he wants for Christmas. They are sitting on a bench in the park watching all the other kids play. Shaun looks at Cody out of the side of his vision, trying to assess why he doesn’t want to go on the jungle gym or the slide today. “So, what do you want Santa Claus to bring you this year?” Cody purses his lips and pushes his hair away from his face like he always does when he’s thinking. “Ahh, well, perhaps a new bike?” he says after a while, with a little shrug. Shaun raises an eyebrow at him.

“A bike? Cody, you don’t even like the bike you already have, why do you need a new one?” Cody shifts his eyes away guiltily, and Shaun sighs, pulling the boy onto his lap and squeezing him tight.

“C’mon, you can tell me; are you embarrassed or something?” Cody bites his lip before saying in a little voice, “Danny from school, his Daddy got really mad at him when he said he wanted a doll for Christmas. He said he couldn’t have one because they were for girls.” It’s stuff like this that really riles Shaun up, but he fights the urge to call Danny’s Dad a complete asshole, and instead takes a deep breath and turns Cody to look at him. “Cody, do I look like I would get mad at you for wanting a doll? You can have one if you want, and we won’t be mad.” There is a pause, during which time Shaun looks at Cody carefully, trying to figure out what has bought this on.

“Shaun?"  
“Yeah?”  
"I don’t want a doll.”   
“That’s fine; we can ask Santa for something else.”   
“Could he bring me a little brother or sister?”

Shaun blinks twice and shakes his head a little in shock, not quite sure how to respond.   
“I don’t think Santa can bring babies Codes, they…ah…they wouldn’t fit in his sack.” Cody looks at him, brow furrowed, his little hands working anxiously round each other.   
“Perhaps he could take it to the hospital and we could go and pick it up?”   
“You know what I think? I think we should be getting back home because otherwise Zach will be worried you’ve been kidnapped. And,” he continued, cutting across Cody’s protests, “It’s Sunday, and you know what that means…” “Spaghetti and sauce!”

Cody crows, leaping down from the bench, grabbing the ball he has bought with him and bobbing up and down impatiently. When they reach the apartment, as soon as the key hits the lock Cody is pushing hard, nearly falling through the door when it finally swings open. Shaun hears Cody’s excited voice and Zach laughing at his enthusiasm. Shaun dreads to think what has been said about the conversation in the park, and vows to ask Zach about it later. In bed, much later, out of breath from some seriously good sex, Shaun pulls Zach close to him and breathes his scent in, chest still rising and falling jaggedly.   
“Zach?”   
“Hmm?”   
“I had a weird conversation with Cody earlier.”   
“What? Weird how?”   
“Not like weird creepy or anything, just…odd.” Zach rolls onto his front and props his weight up on two elbows, looking down at Shaun.   
“What did he say?” Shaun looks away for a second, trying to phrase it in a way that won’t worry him.   
“He, uh, said that he wanted Santa to bring him a little brother or sister.” Zach is quiet for a few moments, his expression almost unreadable.

After what seems like an eternity Shaun reaches over and gently touched the skin on his cheek, feeling the stubble poking through as he dragged his fingers across. “Shaun, what do I tell him?”   
“What do you want to tell him?”   
“I don’t know. I don’t want to tell him that his Mom will have another baby, ‘cos even if she did, they live in Portland, and I wouldn’t want it to have her as a mother, really I wouldn’t.” Shaun sighs and pushes himself up to sitting, bringing his thumb to his mouth and biting absently. He looks down at Zach and the ‘thing’ that has been on his mind, the question that could cause so much trouble and so many arguments floats to the front of his brain, demanding he say something. No, not now, he tells himself sternly.

“What’re you thinking?” Zach asks quietly, his head hanging down, looking so sad that Shaun wants to hold him in his arms and tell him that everything is going to be alright..   
“I’m thinking that you don’t have to be worried about something that isn’t going to change anytime soon.” Without a word Zach rolls on to his side and flips the covers back, moving his legs out of the bed and reaching for his jeans.   
“Where are you going?” Shaun asks, kicking himself for bringing the stupid subject up in the first place. Zach doesn’t say anything, and reaches for one of the baggy t-shirts he seems to wear all the time and yanks it over his head. Without a backward glance and with the door shutting behind him, suddenly he is gone, and Shaun knows he doesn’t want to be followed tonight. So he just sits in the bed, feeling the space next to him grow cold, and even though he is only next door, the feeling of separation begins to gnaw at him.

Shaun always promised himself they would never go to bed on an argument, after that first time, and so far they hadn’t; but was this even a fight? Nobody had criticised or said an angry word, so did it count? Eventually he turned off the light and lay down on his side, pulling the covers up as high as they could go, finally drifting into an uneasy sleep. Zach sits out on their tiny balcony, beer in hand, grinding his teeth together as he looks down onto the constantly busy street, people still walking about, holding hands with mothers, children, boyfriends, girlfriends, and daughters. The awful feeling of guilt was rearing its ugly head once more, asking why bring Cody out here? What can we give him? He shakes his head slightly, downs the rest of his beer and says shut the hell up, I’ll tell you what we can give him. He has friends here, a great apartment, a park that isn’t covered in broken glass and rusty toys, a school…and two people who love him unconditionally. Zach stands up, takes the beer bottle inside, places it quietly in the recycling (‘cos Shaun is really anal about that) and walks over to his canvas.

He picks up a tube of paint and a brush and starts marking the smooth surface. He loses track of how long he stands there, one hand unconsciously picking different paints, squeezing them onto the palette and painting the shapes of the things in his life he loves and the ones he struggles with. On the easel goes a distorted picture of his mother, a dispassionate view of his father, the diner, Jeanne, the outside of Cal Arts, a surfboard, Shaun and Cody. When he finishes there is paint all over his hands, some smeared on his face, splats on the sheet under the easel.

An extreme sense of exhaustion washes over him, and Zach puts the palette down, exhaling deeply. He cricks his neck and stretches, turning to walk back to the bedroom where he knows Shaun will be asleep, stripping off his shirt as he goes. Shaun’s face as he sleeps is creased with worry, and Zach hates that he caused that, so he slips between the sheets and immediately curls around the warm body, kissing the brown skin stretched over the strong shoulders, an arm sneaking around his waist as he pulls him closer. _This, this is how I know I am home…_  

* * *

 

January has a chill wind swirling about it, and everyone groans when they realise they have to go back to school and work after the break. Shaun opens up the computer that has been lying dormant for nearly six days, and Zach packs up his folder with the work he did over the break, heading out with Cody clutched in one hand.

Shaun groans as he sees the email from his agent;

_Shaun,_

_Hope you had a great Christmas and New Year, but unfortunately now it’s back to work._

_That trip we talked about? I managed to get it organised. Four weeks, Philadelphia, New York and Miami. I know, a lot of travelling, but so worth it. I’ve been talking to some people who are really interested in this book, want to promote you and get you to talk to the LGBT community, you know the sort of thing. Anyway, ring me as soon as, I need to book flights and stuff._

_Thanks._

 

Shit. The trip. In all the excitement of Christmas Shaun had completely forgotten about it. What was he going to tell Zach? All day long he drafts different messages to Zach explaining about it, only to delete them and throw the phone onto the sofa in irritation. When Zach and Cody return that night, Shaun has dinner waiting, and tells Cody that as a special treat he can eat on a tray in front of the television. Zach raises an eyebrow at him, but decides against saying anything when Shaun pulls him into the kitchen. 

“Everything alright?” he asks, noting Shaun’s tense expression. Shaun shrugs.   
“Nothing’s wrong I guess, it’s just that I had an email from my agent today about this trip she wants me to go on. Kind of a tour, talking to people, doing book signings, that sort of thing.”   
“But that’s great isn’t it?”

As he looks at Shaun’s face he knows it isn’t. He looks a little anxious and stressed out about it.

“What is it?”   
“Zach, it’s for a month.” The expression on his face says it all. A flash of fear and sadness that he tries to cover up with a supportive smile, reaching out to give a friendly squeeze to his right arm.   
“That’ll be great. They must really like your book, right?”   
“Apparently so.”   
“Cody’ll miss having you around.”   
“Will you?” Zach smiles at him, moving in to be held in the arms he loves so much, trying to ingrain into his memory how he smells and how his shoulder is the right height to lean his head on when he’s tired or upset. Zach is mortified when he gets a ridiculous contracting lump in his throat, and a kind of stinging at the back of his eyes. _Get a freaking grip you idiot!_

 

* * *

 

The day before Shaun leaves is Valentine’s Day. Cody has been invited to a party and sleepover his friend Danny’s mom is hosting to partly celebrate the day of love, but also to celebrate, in some weird way, the fact that she finally kicked his Dad out of the house. They don’t know her very well, but Shaun and Zach both agree that she seems perkier since it happened. Shaun smiles to himself as he helps Cody wrap up the toy doll he bought Danny for Valentine’s, and holds the card still while he smears the envelope with glitter glue.

Shaun and Zach wave him off as he stands at the door with his sleeping bag, presents and a box of cookies. As they pull away from the kerb Shaun takes a different turning from the one they had come down.  
“What? Where are you going?” says a puzzled Zach, looking over his shoulder at the passing houses. Shaun just smiles and shakes his head when Zach questions him. They drive and drive until they end up in some kind of Country Park. There are only a few other cars around, and Zach is completely baffled when Shaun hops out and starts rooting around in the trunk. 

“Shaun, what’s going on? What are we doing here?”  
“All will be revealed soon.” He calls back cryptically, and pulls out a cardboard box containing a large bag. He also grabs a blanket and gestures with a crook of his head for Zach to follow him. 

They walk until they reach a large expanse of grass, and Shaun stops, putting the box down and flicking the blanket into place. Zach follows his lead and sits down, pulling his coat further across his chest as a chill breeze floats across the evening air. Shaun pulls out of the bag various bits of food; bread, olives, cheese (pre-sliced) and a bottle of wine. Zach laughs as he realises they are about to have a picnic in February, in a park, on Valentine’s Day.

Shaun smiles as he laughs, and pours the wine into two plastic glasses he pulls from the bottom of the bag. Zach couldn’t remember when he had last enjoyed himself so much. Alone, drinking wine with Shaun, laughing at almost nothing at all, sneaking kisses when he least expected it, and lying side by side looking up at the sky. The alcohol has helped him to lose his inhibitions, and he rolls over, hooking one knee over Shaun’s right leg, pressing a kiss to his cheek and putting his hands under the fabric of his coat, making Shaun groan. “I’m gonna miss you when you go.” He whispers, and Shaun looks down at him, a sad smile on his face. “I’ll miss you too.” “Shaun?” “Yeah?” Zach licks his lips, aware of how dry his tongue and throat feel, and coughs. “I love you.” Shaun’s stomach leaps a little, and he feels giddy, like some fifteen year old schoolgirl hearing those words for the first time. He remains calm on the outside and just looks straight into Zach’s eyes. “I love you too.” 

* * *

 

The next morning, at six am, Zach stands at LAX Airport waiting for Shaun to check in. He comes back from the desk with his boarding pass and his carry-on. They stand awkwardly as they know it’s time for him to go, but neither wants to say it. 

“So, uh, hug Cody from me, and I’ll call you when I get in, if it isn’t too late.” Zach nods jerkily, and doesn’t trust himself to speak. Shaun tips his chin up with one hand and makes him look at him.   
“Are you ok?” He asks, that warmth and concern etched all over his face. Zach clears his throat quickly and smiles, nodding again. Shaun puts his carry-on down and leans in for a hug. Zach almost stiffens and pulls away, aware of the public place they are in, but then thinks to hell with it and presses himself against Shaun as much as he can manage, closing his eyes and breathing in his smell. As Shaun goes to pull back from the hug, Zach reaches out with one hand, hooks it behind his neck and kisses him firmly on the mouth. 

He hears Shaun inhale sharply, and grins against his mouth. A flustered Shaun is finally released, eyes bright and lips pink, and cocks his head to one side as he picks up his bag.   
“You know, you surprise me sometimes,” he says, and places his hand affectionately on his cheek, before turning to leave. As he walks away Zach calls out; “Shaun?” Shaun turns and looks questioningly at him. 

“I…I love you.” He calls, blushing furiously. Shaun swallows, and blinks heavily. 

“I love you too.” And with that, he’s gone, swallowed by the crowds of holiday-makers and businessmen, leaving Zach alone, the lump in his throat making it painful to swallow.


	3. Chapter 3

Two days into the trip and Zach sits in a bar with some friends from school, Cody at another sleepover at Danny’s, and tries not to think about Shaun. Matt, a guy from his class, comes over with a round of drinks and a new face behind him.

“Guys, this is Stuart. Stuart, meet the guys.” They all smile, say hi and nod politely. Stuart takes the space next to Zach and puts his drink on the table. He quickly infiltrates the conversation and soon everyone is laughing at his jokes, and it isn’t long before he has the girls, and half the guys, falling for him. For the first time since he met Shaun, Zach has that faint flickering of a crush starting, and it takes him a moment to realise that that’s what it is. When he does he feels like crap; Shaun’s only been gone two days and already he’s starting to look elsewhere? Now the logical part of his brain says that this doesn’t mean anything, and it’s normal. He also knows he would never do anything about it, because his heart is firmly anchored with his little family, but a little voice tells him that he’s going to mess it up at some point so it may as well be now. At about midnight, Stuart suggests they move onto a club he knows nearby, and before he can apologise and say he’s going home, he’s dragged out by the girls and told to shut up when he protests.

The club itself is big, noisy and crowded. There are people everywhere, and the music has that thumpa-thumpa beat that gives him a headache. They force their way to the bar and finally get served by the topless barman. Zach rolls his eyes as they pay an extortionate price for their average drinks, and walks away to try and find a quieter place to stand. As he turns he feels a hand grab his arm and he is swung round, his drink spilling slightly on his hand. Stuart stands there, grinning widely, and winks at him, wiggling his hips and beckoning to Zach to follow him. Flashes of hot and cold run up and down Zach’s back, and he shakes his head firmly. Not taking no for an answer, Stuart pulls him onto the dance floor, his hands surprisingly strong on Zach’s arm. Zach stands there awkwardly, shuffling a little as Stuart tries to get him to loosen up. _This is so wrong_ , the little voice in his head mutters, and even though he knows his body could easily respond to the hands that are touching his shoulders, his hips, his back, Zach feels a horrible heavy sickness in his throat and wishes that he wasn’t in this stupid club with a warm beer, bad music and flirty Stuart.

After 10 minutes Zach gestures to him that he’ll be back in a minute. He manoeuvres his way off the dance floor and walks past the bar, leaving the beer on the sticky, shiny surface. He sees Matt standing with some other people and taps him on the shoulder, telling him that he doesn’t feel well and he’s going home. Matt claps him on the back and says he hopes he feels better soon, and after a final squeeze through the crowded entrance, Zach gets out into the cold night air. The sweat drying on his skin is clammy, and when he licks his dry lips, the taste of salt registers bitterly on his tongue. Enough, he think, and starts the mile long walk home.

* * *

 

Out in New York Shaun feels the muscles in his cheeks start to go into cramp – he doesn’t think he’s ever forced so many smiles in his life. It’s been one of those evenings that are helpful to a certain extent, with lots of people trying to be nice and act all interested in his book. There are a couple of politicians he recognises from the TV hanging around looking slightly uncomfortable, and he can barely hide a scoff when they are overly jovial to him and make sure they get a picture taken with him, all white teeth and open body language. One of them had been criticised in the press recently for anti-gay sentiments, he remembers, and almost laughs when the guy mutters a thank you and scurries away after, his PA trotting behind him.

A couple of younger guys make eyes at him, including one of the waiters, and he politely but firmly refuses offers for drinks, or in one case, sex.

The event finally winds down at around midnight, and after many air kisses on the cheek and empty promises to meet for brunch while he’s around, Shaun finally slips away. He checks his phone, hoping for some kind of text from Zach, but nothing. He sighs and flags down a taxi to take him back to the hotel.

The room itself is nice, in a cheap, boring sort of way. The curtains are a pleasant mid-tone blue, and the carpet is clean and beige, inoffensively ending at furniture that is plain white. Not quite like home, but alright for a while. He throws his bag on the bed, flicks on the television and goes to the little kettle, boiling enough water for a coffee. He settles back to watch one of those action films Zach loves, and drinks his coffee, phone in his pocket, just in case.

At around one thirty he is awoken by a sharp buzzing in his pocket, and he hastily rubs his eyes and fumbles his phone out, pressing the green button without checking who it was.   
“Hello?” he rasps, and he there is a pause, before the most welcome sound in the world comes through the line.   
“Hey, it’s me.” Zach says, and Shaun laughs, moving down the bed to lay his head on the pillows, resting one hand on his stomach as he settles in to talk.   
“Zach, I think I probably know what your voice sounds like by now, don’t you think? Anyway, what’s up?”   
“I dunno, I just wanted to hear your voice.” Shaun knows something’s going on, but knows Zach isn’t going to let on that easily.   
“Okay, so we both know that’s crap, don’t we? How about you just tell me and I can see if I can make you feel better about it?” Another pause and Shaun feels uneasy now.   
“Well, we went out, a bunch of us from school, and ended up in a club in the city, and there was this guy…”

The knot in Shaun’s stomach just grows then, and he feels nausea rise up in his throat.   
“What happened Zach? Don’t bullshit me around, just say it.”   
“Nothing! He was just all over me at the club and stuff and I didn’t like it, I guess. Please tell me you don’t actually think I’d do that?”

There is a hint of annoyance in his tone, and Shaun groans in relief and rubs his face with his hand.   
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound like that, it’s just when you mentioned another guy. I guess I was just…”   
“Jealous?” Now there is a hint of amusement and surprise in his voice, and Shaun can imagine Zach biting his lip, his cheeks twitching as he fights a smile.   
“No, not jealous, just…worried.”   
“Uh-huh, sure. Just worried. You keep telling yourself that.” Shaun laughs, and sighs.   
“Sorry, I’m just tired. Been one of those nights, you know. I guess I just…miss you and Cody.”

He can practically hear Zach smiling through the phone as he says quietly, “Student misses master too.”

* * *

 

A week later Zach takes Cody to the beach, and they have a great morning paddling and laughing, trying to help Cody stand up on the board in the water. When they get hungry Zach gets them hot-dogs and Coke from the shack on the sea front. They eat in silence for a while before Cody looks up at Zach.   
“What’re you thinking about?” Zach blinks and looks down at him.   
“What?”   
“You look like you’re thinking about something. My teacher says sometimes if somebody looks a little sad you just should ask them what they’re thinking.”

Zach smiles and grabs Cody, tickling him until he can barely breathe from laughing.   
“Come on ankle-biter, let’s go for a walk, see if we can find some buried treasure.”

Cody twists his mouth to one side and twines his arms about Zach’s neck. Reflexively Zach puts his arms around him, feeling the salty dampness of his skin and the firm beating of his little heart. They sit in silence for a while, just listening to the crowds around them.   
“I miss Shaun.”   
“Me too.”

* * *

 

After his flight lands in Philadelphia Shaun steps groggily off the plane. His sleep the night previously had been awful, full of tossing and turning, and to top it all he’s awoken with a crick in his neck that just won’t budge. His agent is chattering away as they queue for customs, and he answers her in short, monosyllabic sentences until she realises he’s in no mood to talk and backs off, answering emails and texts on her BlackBerry.

When they finally check into the hotel Shaun pulls out his diary and pen and marks 18 days until he can get home. Flicking through the next week or so he writes himself a reminder to call Gabe soon for a catch up, scribbles down a random sentence he’s had in his head all day that he thinks he can work with and checks for any upcoming birthdays. His heart sinks when he sees, written in childish hand on the fifth of March; _Cody’s Birthday_. Of course, how could he have forgotten that was coming up? He puts the diary away and pulls out a notepad.

He gives a talk later at a book shop to the local LGBTQ society, who sit there, some politely, some in boredom while he reads excerpts of his newest book. Afterwards they have a Q&A, and some bitchy guy asks him if he made the characters stereotypes on purpose. Shaun bristles at this and replies as calmly as possible that he didn’t consider them so, and besides, that was the beauty of an artistic licence. Other, calmer people tell him they love the relationships in the book and the age gap theme, and Shaun glows bashfully just a little bit under their praise. Finally it’s time for one last question and a nervous looking student stands up, eyes darting around as she curls her fingers into her palms before speaking.   
“Is the relationship between Ryan and John purely fictional, or is it based on a real couple?” she says, before dropping back to her seat like a stone. Shaun blinks for a moment, surprised by the question. He cocks his head to one side as he quickly runs through the events of the book and various character traits. He smiles, as he realises that, if you just switch round the beach for the city, and the sister for the brother, that his book was about he and Zach. So he simply leans in to the microphone, winks at the girl and says,   
“It’s real, alright.”

* * *

 

The diner is crazy busy for a Friday night, and Zach barely has time to catch his breath between orders as slips of paper are thrust at him rapidly. He flips so many burgers and prepares so many salads that by the end of his shift he can barely stand. The manager finally comes back and gives him the okay to go home, so once the surfaces have been disinfected, and the grill scraped, Zach grabs his coat and leaves. For just a moment he stands on the sidewalk and looks for as far as he can see to the right, then the left. He has an uncomfortable feeling of his own inferiority that grates on him more than he would like to admit, and it’s times like this that he so desperately wishes Shaun was here to give one kind word and hold him close.

He tells himself that there are just fifteen more days until he comes home, and zips his jacket up before going to pick Cody up from the babysitter’s.

It’s ten pm by the time he gets him back to the apartment, sleepy and uncooperative in his arms. The bunny he sleeps with is clutched tightly in his small fist, and Zach has a job trying to prise it off before he can undress him. Cody pouts as Zach tugs off his jeans and helps him on with his pyjamas, and wriggles into bed as soon as he can, leaving Zach to fold the shrugged off clothes and turn off the light.

He grabs himself a beer and a sandwich and sits alone in the front room, staring at nothing in particular on the TV, and regularly checking his phone. Nothing from Shaun for over four hours now. He sighs and finishes the sandwich before putting the plate on the floor and shifting himself to lie with his feet on the arm of the sofa, his legs dangling off the other end. His phone buzzes, and he looks down at the screen, a smile splitting his face as he sees that it’s from Shaun.

_Hey, sorry I’ve been incommunicado this afternoon – another god awful press thing. Not even for me this time. Had to go to a gallery opening by a prominent LGBT artist (who’s actually a real asshole) and have my picture taken with loads of people in suits and that kinda thing. Need to get some shut-eye now. Miss you and Cody. Love you babe x_

Zach falls asleep curled up on the sofa, holding the phone tightly in his hand.

* * *

 

Cody wakes on his birthday super excited and demanding for Zach to get up so they can open his presents. Groggily Zach pulls himself up and shuffles into the front room, where the small pile of presents sits on the table. Cody gets the police car toy he’s been talking about from Danny, a hooded sweater from Jeanne and a twenty dollar note from Shaun’s mom and…Larry. Cody’s just opening the painting of him on the surfboard from Zach when out of the corner of his eye Zach spots a box, wrapped neatly in brown paper, a handwritten label on the front. He picks it up and runs his hand over the writing, feeling the strings of his heart tug a little. He turns and offers it to Cody, who takes it with a curious frown across his face.   
“Who’s this from?”   
“It’s from Shaun,” he says, and Cody’s expression of surprise is almost comical.   
“He remembered?”   
“Of course he did; he’d never forget your birthday. Go on, open it.”

Inside the box is a package of Cody’s favourite peanut butter M&M’s, a birthday card with a police car on, and a sheaf of papers spiral bound together. Cody picks it up and looks at the writing intently, trying to figure out what it says.   
“To Cody, your own book…love Shaun.” He begins, and frowns as the words confuse him. Zach takes it from him and reads, cheeks curving upwards. “It’s a story, Cody. Like the books he writes for grown-ups. He wrote me one, and now you’ve got one of your own. We can read this before you go to sleep.”

Cody insists on ringing Shaun right then and there, despite Zach’s protests, so he lets the little ball of energy find Shaun’s name on his phone and press the dial button. The crackle of the line opening can be heard from where Zach is standing, and he smiles as Shaun’s sleepy voice comes through the speaker. Cody thanks him and asks him what he’s doing out there and when he’s coming home, while Zach picks up the bits of paper scattered about and puts the kettle on. Cody runs into the kitchen with the phone after a moment and waves it in front of his face. Zach takes it and laughs when Cody skids back out the room to play with his police car.   
“Hey Shaun.”   
“Hey yourself, he sounds like he’s having a great time.”   
“Yeah, he’s so happy with the story. That’s bedtime sorted for a few weeks.”   
“Great.” After a pause Zach huffs a breath out through his nose, and Shaun says softly, “You ok?”

Zach doesn’t know how to answer really and pauses, chewing on the inside of his cheek and staring at a rip in his sweatpants.   
“Yeah I guess, just…”  
“What is it?”  
And that pretty much does it. All the craziness of the past eighteen days comes flooding to the surface, and the horrible missing of Shaun in most of the things he does, and looking after Cody alone, and trying to finish his college work while holding down the shifts at the diner come flooding out. To his credit Shaun just listens, not saying anything until Zach winds down, chastising himself for being stupid.   
“You are not being stupid. It’s a hell of a job doing all that, even with both of us doing house and Cody stuff. And hey,” he says gently, “I miss you too.” 

* * *

 

The next week goes by in a flurry of shifts at the diner, rushing to get assignments done, and picking up of Cody from the babysitter. Then it’s just five days until Shaun is due to arrive back. He sends them a long email that evening with a picture of him on the beach looking tanned, his sunglasses perched on the end of his nose. Zach waits until Cody goes to bed to open the message again and really look at Shaun. His brown hair is swept messily to one side, and he’s just wearing swimming shorts, his torso bare; Zach shifts slightly as his trousers suddenly feel a little too tight.

* * *

 

Over in Miami Shaun’s phone buzzes on the desk and he picks it up, smiling. 

‘ _Great picture. Come home soon. X’_

* * *

 

The night before he comes home Zach can’t sleep for the life of him. He opens and shuts the windows, drinks a glass of water, pulls the cover up and shoves it down, lies on his back, his side and his front, but can’t get comfortable.

He stares at the clock, and the minutes turn into hours, and he just wants a few hours of sleep so he doesn’t look dead when he picks Shaun up in the morning. 

Zach jerks awake, his alarm beeping frantically. He rolls over and rubs his aching eyes. He must have drifted off at about four, and it was eight am now. “Shit.” He groans, and pushes the covers off to go and wake Cody. Looking into the bedroom he realises the bed is empty, the cover pulled up over the pillow and the bunny sitting neatly against the wall. 

Cody wakes up at seven, his stomach rumbling. His Uncle Zach had been behaving all jittery and excited the night before, not sitting still while they watched Spongebob, and checking his phone and computer all the time. He guesses it was because Shaun was coming back, and he’s been away for like a hundred years, and his teacher at school says that we miss the people we love when they aren’t there. He’d raised his hand and said that his Uncle Zach loves Shaun because he was all sad when he was away. His teacher had smiled at him and said that he must love him very much. 

Just so he doesn’t wake Zach he gets out of bed, brushes his hair and looks for his jeans. He puts the pyjamas under the covers, pulls the jeans on and a t-shirt he finds on his chair and tiptoes quietly out of his room to the kitchen. 

A bowl of grapes and a yoghurt clutched in his hands, he walks carefully to the couch, puts them on the table and climbs onto the sofa, before peeling back the lid on the pot and sticking his spoon in. 

It’s like this that Zach finds him; eating as delicately as he can so he doesn’t spill anything, grinning widely at the cartoons playing across the TV screen.

* * *

 

Shaun fidgets on the plane back, rubbing his thumbs and forefingers together absently as he wills the plane to land already. The hostesses give each other a signal and start to move to their landing positions, and he grins, packing his laptop away as the captain gives the announcement.

Customs is busy as usual, and Shaun groans as the surly man at the booth seems to be giving every passport an extremely thorough check over, before handing them back and grunting for the next person to come through. Even his agent isn’t speaking for once; she just pulls her sunglasses over her eyes and flicks the hair back from her forehead, stifling a yawn. 

As they get nearer and nearer to the main concourse Shaun picks up the pace a little.

_ C’mon, not much longer now…  _

Zach and Cody stand, peering anxiously at the crowd of people now appearing and filtering through the stretchy blue barriers. Zach’s heart is beating a million beats a second, and he taps his foot at a frantic rhythm. Suddenly Cody cries out and points. 

It doesn’t feel like a month has passed, and yet it seems much longer. Zach chokes a little and laughs in relief as the familiar sight of Shaun emerges, lugging his case and laptop bag behind him, a grin spreading across his face as he catches a glimpse of them. 

Cody ducks under the barrier and runs toward Shaun before Zach can grab him; his arms spread wide and a shriek bursting from his lips. Shaun puts his bags on the floor and holds out his arms wide to catch him as he leaps. Zach feels like he could cry and sing all at the same time as he watches Shaun swing Cody round and kiss him on the cheek. Cody buries his head into his shoulder and wraps his arms tight around his neck, clinging on for dear life. Shaun gives Zach a tender smile and shrugs as he indicates the bags. 

Zach walks over toward him, feeling lighter than he has in weeks, and bends to pick up the case, swinging the laptop bag over his shoulder, and together they walk toward the exit. 

With Cody comfortably strapped into the back seat, Shaun puts his hand on Zach’s knee and smiled over at him. “Hey.” Zach returns the smile and places his hand over Shaun’s. “Hey.”


	4. Chapter 4

All the way back to the apartment Cody keeps chatting on about what they’ve been doing while Shaun’s been away, and he responds enthusiastically. Zach’s smile won’t leave his face, and he can feel all the tension of the past month begin fading. The drive back has never seemed so long, or enjoyable. They finally pull in and as soon as Zach turns the engine off Cody is wriggling out of his seat and trying to open the door. Shaun laughs and hops out himself, yanking his suitcase from the trunk and grabbing Cody’s hand, nodding his head at something he says.

Shaun fumbles with the key in the lock and shoves at it with his shoulder when it sticks on the frame a little. Zach follows in and presses the door back with a click before going to help Cody get ready for his play date with Danny.

Cody has other ideas however, and has already shot off to his bedroom to retrieve the story Shaun wrote for him, the remnants of the M&M’s and his new police car. He calls Shaun into the front room and spreads everything out, telling him who each of the presents was from. 

Zach sits down on the bed and takes a deep breath in, rolling his shoulders and revelling in the sound of his family being back together. Picking up discarded clothes and toys from the floor he walks over to the wardrobe and toy box and re-distributes them to their rightful places before taking out Cody’s coat and gloves.

Shaun sits on the sofa and smiles as Cody rattles off news about how much fun school is, and how nice his teacher is, and how cool it is that he’s back now.   
“Can we have meatballs for dinner? Can you ask Uncle Zach?” he pleads, batting his eyelashes up at Shaun, who rolls his eyes and shrugs dramatically. Cody giggles, knowing that he’ll get his own way, and jumps up, giving Shaun a last squeeze and running off to his room to get his coat on.

Zach helps him into it and zips him up, telling him to behave for Danny’s mom and not to wander off or goof about near traffic. Cody nods and walks sedately to the door when the bell goes, opening it and saying hi to Danny’s mom, waiting patiently for Zach to come and say hi to her. He gives her ten dollars to buy him some lunch, and waves goodbye to them as they trot off down the stairs.

When he shuts the door and turns round, Shaun is stood there, head slightly on one side and a slightly weary grin playing across his face.   
“Jeez I’m tired.” he says, and Zach notices for the first time the smudges under his eyes and the sagging of his shoulders. He walks over to him and kisses him on the lips, darting his tongue out to draw in the familiar taste, pulling back and just leaning his head against his shoulder, looping his arms around his waist. Shaun pulls him close tightly and breathes in his smell, releasing him a moment later and pulling him by the hand back to the front room and the sofa. Shaun sits in his usual corner, laying his arm across the back of the chair, and Zach slips into the space left there, bringing his knees up to rest his feet on the edge of the cushion.   
“How you been?” Shaun murmurs into the skin above Zach’s ear, making him shiver pleasurably. Zach shrugs a little and looks down at his hands, unsure of how to express it.   
“I missed you.” Shaun continues, and the hope in his voice makes Zach look at him properly.  
“I missed you too,” he says, and Shaun grins again, leaning in for the first proper ‘I’m glad you’re home’ kiss, to which Zach responded eagerly, sucking gently on Shaun’s lower lip and tracing all the muscles in his neck with his fingers.

They sit quietly, just enjoying each other’s company, and the long day of travelling for Shaun and the restless night for Zach catch up on them. Shaun moves Zach gently over, stretching his long legs out along the length of the sofa, Zach comfortably snug in the gap between his body and the back of the chair. It’s like this that they fall asleep for a couple of hours, holding each other close and relaxed at last.

* * *

 

The Monday after Shaun’s return the three of them begrudgingly return to school and work after their weekend cooped up together. Zach makes sure he kisses Shaun goodbye before they part, and Shaun says he’ll fix dinner when they get home so Zach won’t have to worry about bringing anything back from work.

At school Mark looks at him when he walks in, happier than they’ve seen him in weeks, and grins, raising an eyebrow at him across the room. Zach blushes and shrugs, getting straight on with his work.

When they take a break he corners Zach, pressing a cup of coffee into his hands.   
“You got laid didn’t you?” Zach nearly snorts his coffee everywhere.   
“What?”   
“Oh come on, you look…hot today. Like you just had some amazing sex. So who was it?”   
“Who d’you think it was?” Mark surveys him critically and puts his head to one side. “Well, you don’t look guilty, and I know you would if you’d cheated, so it must be your sugar daddy.” Zach rolls his eyes. “Will you shut up with the ‘sugar daddy’ thing; Shaun isn’t my keeper, he’s my…” he trails off, unable to think of a word. “Boyfriend? Partner? Significant other? Yeah, I know. I was only joking Zach. Guess I’m just jealous you get a hot older guy who pretty much worships the ground you walk on.”   
Zach punches him playfully in the arm, and the mood lightens.

* * *

 

On Wednesday Zach takes the truck to be serviced, and decides to wait until it’s done. He takes out his phone and idly flicks through the pictures on it until he finds one that makes him smirk, and an evil thought cross his mind.

In his meeting with the publisher, Shaun is earnestly describing one of the more intimate plot devices in his new book when his phone rings. He apologises and takes it out, intending to turn it off, until he sees the picture.

Zach doesn’t expect a reply – he knows Shaun is in a meeting, but he knows when he does get one it’ll be great.

At midday Zach’s phone buzzes as he parks the car back outside the apartment, and he laughs aloud at the message;

_You little shit, I’m gonna get you back for that!_ _X_

He laughs all the way up the stairs.

* * *

 

 

Friday rolls around again, and Zach’s shift at the diner is as frantic as usual. He tries to work as fast as possible, hoping it will bring around closing up time quicker. But no luck; the orders keep pouring in. Angelo sticks his head in and grins at him,   
“Hey, somebody out here wants to see you.” 

Zach frowns and hopes it’s not some asshole customer complaining about something. He wipes his hands on his apron and follows him out the door. Sitting on a table near the window are Cody and Shaun, both pretending to be seriously looking at the menu, and both laughing at Zach’s face. He rolls his eyes and tries to look annoyed, but can’t stop a grin spreading across his face.  
“Go on, take your break: you got ten minutes.” Angelo says, and waddles back off toward the kitchen, grabbing an apron on the way.   
“What are you guys doing here?” Zach murmurs, gently touching the back of Shaun’s hand. Shaun shrugs and ruffles Cody’s hair. 

“We were just passing and Cody really fancied a milkshake, so I thought we’d drop in. You don’t think we came here to see you did you?” Zach smiles, chewing the inside of his cheek as he looks at Shaun, eyes sparkling and hair tousled.   
“Well, guess I’d better get you guys a drink then huh?” 

After they’ve left Zach returns to the table to clear their plates and finds a twenty dollar tip wedged under a napkin with Shaun’s number scribbled on it; 

_ To the hot chef that served me and my kid, Ring me sometime.  _

Zach’s heart skips a beat at the message written so casually, and that feeling of warmth and belonging runs up and down his spine again. He folds the note carefully and tucks it into his wallet. 

* * *

 

April brings two things; Easter and Gabe. Shaun is sitting outside on their tiny balcony feeling pretty smug with himself for writing a whole half a chapter this morning when his phone goes. Without looking at it he flicks it open and brings it to his ear.   
“Hello?”   
“Hey princess.” Shaun snorts and leans back, stretching his legs out along the railing, tucking his arm behind his head.   
“Gabe, where the fuck have you been?”   
“Aw you know, just doing a bit of school work, seeing some hot chicks, getting wasted. Usual.”   
“Great. You just ringing to talk or is there something specific you want?” There is a pause, and Shaun hears the sound of Gabe shifting about, and the sound of a door shutting softly.   
“How’s Zach?”   
“He’s great, why do you ask?”  
“Just wondered is all.”   
“Bullshit. Have you two argued or something?” Another silence, and Gabe clears his throat.   
“No, we haven’t argued. Hey, can I come and see you guys for a couple of days?” 

* * *

 

Zach wrestles with the awkward bag of shopping as he climbs the stairs, trying to avoid bruising the fruit and himself as it swings to and fro. Shaun hasn’t been answering his phone, so he’d taken a guess on what they needed. Finally he reaches the door, pulls the keys out, dislodging half his pocket in the process, and is about to stick it in the lock when the door is thrown open and a cheery voice rings out;   
“Hey man!” Completely confused but smiling nonetheless, Zach puts the shopping down and gives Gabe the secret handshake they’ve been doing since they were ten. They step back inside the apartment and Zach frantically searches his mind for some evidence that he’d invited him and just forgot. When nothing comes up he looks about for Shaun, and raises both eyebrows at him when he wanders out of the bedroom on the phone. Shaun pulls a face and shrugs apologetically. 

After the shopping has been put away and Cody has been picked up from school, Shaun suggests that Gabe and Zach go and grab a few beers somewhere.   
“You not coming bro?” 

“Nah, somebody’s gotta keep an eye on our favourite little man, right?” 

The walk down to the bar is quiet, and Zach racks his brain for topics to discuss that won’t end up back at he and Shaun’s relationship. After the usual small talk Gabe stops in the middle of the street and turns to Zach with a frustrated expression on his face. “Why are you making this weird?” Immediately on the defensive Zach turns his face away before replying.   
“I’m not.” Gabe puts a hand on his shoulder and shakes him gently.   
“Dude, I don’t know if you’re being weird with me because I haven’t been around, or if you think I'm not cool with you and Shaun, but help me out here!” 

Zach swallows and turns to look at him, fear apparent in his eyes.   
“You really don’t care?”   
“Fuck Zach, I said that like a year and a half ago, so why would it suddenly be a big problem?” 

Zach shrugs and Gabe gives him a friendly dig in the ribs before walking on, turning his head slightly to call flirtatiously back to him;   
“Come on sweetie, I wanna see what gorgeous men you have in this big bad city…” Zach snorts and follows, shaking his head in amusement. 

* * *

 

Shaun places the glass of water and aspirin by the side of the bed and gently kisses Zach’s hairline. Zach groans and buries his head further into the pillow, squirming away from the heat of Shaun’s touch.   
“Morning babe, how you doing?” He gets a grunt from the tousled head buried in the pillow, which moves slightly, so a mouth can be seen.   
“Water.” It croaks, and Shaun holds the glass up so a bleary eye can see it. Zach painfully props himself up and reaches unsteadily for the glass, Shaun still holding the base of it. As the water hits his dry throat Zach winces, and swallows quickly, handing back the glass and laying against the headboard.   
“Good night huh? You and Gabe back on track?” A painful nod. “Want some breakfast?” A shake of the head. “I’ll leave you to get some more sleep.” 

Shaun drops another kiss on his cheek and creeps out quietly, grinning to himself. 

When Gabe leaves four days later, Zach feels a little tug of loss. They bro-hug at the bus station and swear to talk soon, and definitely no more weirdness. As the bus pulls off noisily Shaun throws his arm around Zach’s shoulder and holds him for a while.   
“You alright?”   
“Yeah, I just forgot how good it was to see people from home, that’s all.”   
“C’mon, let’s go and grab a bite before you have to go to work.” 

At the cafe Shaun listens to Zach as he talks out his fears about what people must think of him at home.   
“I didn’t even tell anyone I was leaving, or that I was with you. Does that make me a coward?”   
Shaun covers his hand with his own and tells him that it doesn’t, it just means he wasn’t ready to be open. Somehow that makes Zach feel worse. 

* * *

 

One afternoon in the middle of May Shaun brings Cody home and slumps glumly on the sofa, turning on the TV to some random shit and zoning out. 

When Zach comes home after his shift he finds Cody playing quietly in his room and Shaun in the same position. He sits next to him and puts a hand on his knee. “You okay?” Shaun shrugs and rubs his fingers across the stubble of his chin.   
“My Mom called.”   
“Oh.” As far as Zach knows Shaun speaks to her about four times a year, at Christmas, New Year, his birthday, and her birthday. To call unexpectedly is unlike her, and isn’t a good sign.   
“She wants us to go visit them.”   
Oh. “Well, that might be cool. I guess you haven’t seen your mom in a while, right?” Shaun looks at him, an eyebrow raised, and Zach falls quiet.   
“I told her that we’d all be going, if you agreed.”   
“All of us? Like Cody and me too?” 

“Yeah Zach, that’s what I meant by all of us. She’s holding some summer party in June for all of her friends. I think she wants to prove to everyone how cool and modern she is by showing off her gay, writer son and his boyfriend.”  
“I think we should go.” Zach says, his voice coming out surprisingly firm.   
Shaun turns to him and grabs both of his hands. “We only have to go if you want to. If you’re uncomfortable staying there we can always get a hotel or something.” But Zach knows this is something they, and especially he, have to do.  


* * *

The last weekend in June, the night after Zach finishes his second year at Cal Arts, they pack up their weekend bags, strap Cody into the back and set off to drive the familiar route to their hometown. Zach tries to keep spirits high while they travel, and drills Cody about being polite and picking up after himself. He only has vague memories of Shaun’s mom and…Larry, and tries to remember what she was like. Shaun grips the steering wheel hard and taps his thumbs anxiously against the plastic.   
  
They stop off once an hour in to let Cody use the bathroom at a service station, and Zach walks up behind Shaun and rubs the knots out of his shoulders. “Don’t worry; it’s only for a weekend. We can always leave early on Sunday morning if it’s awful.” Shaun nods and turns, pressing a soft kiss against Zach’s lips.   
  
They pull up to the big house at 21.30 and see the place lit up like a Christmas tree, classical music drifting out of the open patio door at the back. Shaun grips Zach and Cody’s hands, forces a warm smile and strides up to the gate at the side, nudging it open with his foot. They walk round to see Shaun’s mom sitting with a book and a large glass of red wine in her other hand.  
“Hey Mom,” calls Shaun, and she jumps, putting her glass down as she turns to face them. With her big smile and bright eyes Zach can’t believe how much Shaun and Gabe look like her. She holds out her arms theatrically and trots over, before wrapping them round him and kissing him full on both cheeks.   
“Great to see you honey! How was your trip? Do you want a drink?” she says, seemingly in one breath. Shaun sighs,   
“Yeah, a beer or something would be great. Oh, and Mom,” He releases Zach’s hand and gently pushes him forward, one hand on the small of his back, “you remember Zach?” 

Zach holds her gaze as she critically assesses him, her eyes sweeping over him quickly, before she smiles and grabs one of his hands with both of hers.   
“Of course I do, though I must say it’s been a few years, and you’re definitely more grown up than the little boy that used to run around with Gabriel.”  
Zach smiles and lets some of the tension in his muscles release. “And this is Cody.” 

Cody has been stuck firmly to Shaun’s side for the previous exchange, and looks up at Angela with big eyes. She looks down at him and winks, a grin on her face.   
“So, you’re the big guy Shaun talks about, huh?” Cody smiles, and Angela holds out her hand for him to take. He looks up at Shaun for approval, and he nods, so the funny pair walks toward the open door, already chattering away. 

Zach drops his head onto Shaun’s chest with a huff and holds loosely onto his waist. “Well, that wasn’t so bad,” Shaun says begrudgingly, and runs his fingers across Zach’s neck, shaking him gently. “Come on Babe, we’d better go say hi to Larry.” 

Feeling stronger together, they follow in Cody and Angela’s footsteps; walking over the rest of the patio and into the house.


	5. 5

Honestly, Zach doesn’t know what Shaun’s problem with Larry is – he seems alright. When they enter the kitchen he’s stood looking into the fridge for a beer, and turns, a big smile on his face, when he sees them. He strides over to Shaun and holds out his hand, which he takes after a second or two, and pumps it enthusiastically. “Good to see you Shaun, it’s been too long!”

Zach nudges him discreetly when he doesn’t reply, and with an almost imperceptible sigh Shaun smiles back begrudgingly. Larry turns his intense gaze on Zach, sizing him up before he offers one of his hands.  
“Zach, right? Been a few years since we’ve seen you up at the house. You doing alright?” Zach nods a little nervously, thinking frantically of something to say that won’t make him sound like a complete moron.  
“Yeah, uh, good to see you Larry.” Nice one, idiot.“Can I get you a glass of something? Wine? Beer?”

After a moment of dithering over what to drink, they both settle on a beer and walk out to sit on the balcony overlooking the back. For Zach, it feels as though the past two or so years have fallen away, and they’re back, in the slight chill of spring, drinking beers and sat up on the outdoor bedding stuff. That night, when everything changed, Zach was having such a great time, drinking and laughing and just being with Shaun. After the kiss, underneath the horrible _what the fuck was that?_ and _does he think I’m gay?_ there had been that sexually charged, super-erotic feeling that he’d been denying for weeks, creaking and groaning under the pressure of being trapped for so long.

Shaun looks across at Zach as he gazes vacantly into the distance whilst Angela prattles on and on about the house and the condo they want to buy in Palm Beach. He looks so distant and vulnerable; his brow contracted with worry. Shifting a little closer, Shaun briefly brushes his fingers across the skin of Zach’s arm. He shivers quickly and blinks, looking at Shaun in embarrassment and mouthing an apology.

* * *

 

After the beer has been drunk, a sleepy Cody is gathered up by Zach and taken to bed in Gabe’s room. Shaun sits outside with Angela and Larry, gazing out toward the ocean. “So,” begins Angela, and Shaun folds his arms defensively and looks at her from beneath a raised eyebrow. She clucks and shakes her head at him. “Don’t get defensive already Shaun!”  
He breathes in and out slowly through his nose and waits for her to carry on. “I was just going to say that you seem happy, that’s all.” She sniffs, and Shaun rolls his eyes at the wounded martyr tone in her voice. “Good, because I am.” He says, hoping for an end to the conversation. Ever the nosy mother, Angela presses on. “Is he not a little young for you, sweetie? I mean, he’s the same age as Gabriel isn’t he?”  
“No he is not too young. He’s a fuck load more mature than Gabe!”  
“Shaun!”  
“What, Mom?” he stands up and moves away toward the railing of the balcony, irritation humming loudly in his brain. He hears muttering from Angela and a placatory murmur from Larry. A moment later he hears the jingling of his mother’s bracelets as she walks over to him and loops an arm about his waist. “I’m sorry Shaun. I don’t want you to think I don’t like him, because it isn’t that; he’s polite, interesting, gorgeous, not to mention the fact that he’s head over heels for you. I just worry, sweetie. He’s got a lot of baggage for his age, that’s all.” Shaun shakes his head, “Cody isn’t baggage Mom, he’s great. I’m not an idiot; I knew this was part of the deal. Besides,” he continues, smiling softly to himself, “I never thought I’d get to have a kid with someone, so it’s like a dream come true or something.”

Zach pauses at the door when he hears Shaun and Angela having an obviously private conversation. When Shaun starts talking about Cody, the all-too familiar lump rises in his throat and he blinks hard. To hear Shaun refer to Cody as his own, and to imply that the three of them were a family was nothing he hasn’t thought before, but hearing it said makes it all the more real. He waits a few seconds before stepping back out onto the balcony.

* * *

 

The Saturday of the party dawns hot and bright, and Angela is up before Cody, making phone calls and doing last minute checks on arrangements. Up in Shaun’s room Zach stirs, wincing as sunlight falls directly into his face. He rolls over and reaches for Shaun, but finds an empty spot. He opens his eyes and sits up groggily, looking around. “Shaun?” he calls, but gets no reply. He drags himself out of the bed and pulls on a t-shirt and shorts from his bag, running his fingers through his hair. Looking out of the window and down onto the balcony he sees Cody eating a bowl of cereal and swinging his legs off the end of his chair.

Making his way down the curved staircase he sees Larry appear from the front room, dressed in an open neck shirt and slacks. He raises a hand as he spots Zach. “Morning, sleep well?”  
“Uh, yeah, thanks.” Larry smiles and wanders off. Feeling very much like he’s been left alone at his boyfriend’s parent’s house, Zach cautiously makes his way into the kitchen, where Shaun sits with his laptop at the bar while Angela talks about the catering arrangements.  
“I told them I needed at least a third of the food vegan, because Clarissa Suarez is apparently not eating animal products, though I would swear in front of a judge that she ate cheese last week…” she stopped as he entered the room and beamed. “Zach, sweetie, come and sit down. Can I get you a coffee?” Zach nods shyly and she fills a mug full of hot coffee from an expensive looking cafetiere. Shaun slides a plate of French toast toward him and pulls out a stool, indicating that he should sit down. Zach sits down and blushes when Shaun thinks nothing of tearing his eyes away from his screen and kissing him full on the mouth in front of his mother. Angela winks at him and offers him the mug.

After Zach places the plates in the dishwasher, despite Angela’s protests, Shaun’s phone rings, and he frowns at the name on the display. Zach feels a little insulted when he shakes his head at Zach’s enquiring face and leaves the room, his voice low. In spite of himself, Zach follows and sticks close to the wall outside Larry’s study.  
“Why are you calling, Steven?” Zach frowned; isn’t Steven the dumbass ex? Why is he calling now? “No, I don’t have it. I posted it to your sister when I left the apartment. Yes, I did. There’s no need to…whatever.” Zach is overwhelmed by a sense of I shouldn’t be listening to this and tries to creep away from the doorway, stopping when he hears Shaun’s voice. “Zach, what are you doing?” Zach mumbles a token excuse and tries not to look him in the eye. “Were you spying on me?” Shaun says, confusion written all over his face.  
“No, I…”   
“I didn’t ask him to ring, just so you know.”  
“I know.”

An uncomfortable silence settles over the situation; Shaun tight lipped and irritated and Zach embarrassed and insecure. Zach tears himself away and walks upstairs, shutting the door of their room quietly behind him.

Shaun wants to tell him to come back, because he knows he shouldn’t have been pissy with him. He wants to put his arms around Zach’s waist and reassure him that Steven has no part in his life anymore; hell, he didn’t even know he still had the number.

“I’d listen in to the conversation too, you know.” Angela says, leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen, nursing a glass of sparkling water.  
“Why does that not surprise me?” he snorts, and she raises both eyebrows to look at him scathingly.  
“Shaun, don’t be like that. You had a call from your ex and left the room, what was he supposed to think?”  
“He’s supposed to trust me.”  
“He does, he was just worried about you. Just…stop being an ass.”

* * *

 

Zach leans his forehead against the cool of the glass and watches the ocean rolling and washing across the shore, the distant figures of parents, children and friends just visible. He doesn’t turn round when the door clicks shut, just watches his breath fog up the patch of glass in front of his mouth, willing away the urge to apologise and shrugging his shoulder away when he feels a hand settle on it. Shaun, always persistent, wraps his arms around his chest and pulls him back against him, nuzzling at the soft skin on his neck. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, it’s just…he always knew how to get under my skin, and I forgot how much of a dick he is.” Zach considers his words for a minute, chewing on the skin inside his lip.

“What’cha thinking?” Shaun murmurs into his ear, and Zach shivers pleasantly.  
“It’s just…weird to be back here, I guess.” Shaun hums in agreement, and lets the very tip of his tongue trace the shell of Zach’s ear slowly. “Shaun, anybody could walk in…”  
“Why would they? It’s my room…” he breathes, moving his free hand down over Zach’s hip, only stopping when he reaches the very inside of Zach’s leg.  
“Cody might…”  
“He’s with Larry. Don’t worry.” Zach twists in his arm and kisses him deeply, drawing back and pulling him by the arm back onto the bed.

* * *

 

By five o-clock Angela is getting positively stressed about the party, bossing the caterers round and exclaiming loudly when something is put in the wrong place. Shaun wordlessly hands her a glass of chilled white wine, which she takes with a tortured expression and a sigh. Larry and Cody have retreated to the garden to play a game of mini-golf while the organization goes on, leaving Zach and Shaun to bear the brunt of her complaints and irritation.  
“God, why do I do it to myself?” she groans, and Shaun turns away, making a face at Zach when he knows she can’t see. Resisting the urge to laugh, Zach picks up the last box of glasses and wanders out to the marquee to put them down. Hanging from the large white canopy are thirty or forty Chinese paper lanterns in different colours, bobbing in the gentle breeze coming in from the coast. Cooling boxes full of food are being organized by caterers, who busily unwrap platters and china plates. Feeling very out of his depth, Zach steps away from the busy tent and walks quietly away down the drive.

Shaun scans the garden, but finds no sign of Zach anywhere. Pulling out his cellphone, he flicks to his favourites and presses call. After five or six rings Zach’s voice comes hesitantly through the speaker.  
“Hey.”  
“Hey, where are you? You didn’t say bye.”  
“Sorry, just had to get out for a while.”  
“Everything alright?” There’s a pause, and Shaun rubs the back of his neck as he waits for a response.  
“Yeah, I’m great, just tired I guess.” Shaun frowns, hearing the hesitation in Zach’s voice.

* * *

 

By the time Zach has finished changing into a shirt and trousers, guests are arriving at the function. He looks at himself in the long mirror in the hallway and almost doesn’t recognize his reflection. The shirt was one Shaun bought him for his last birthday, and fits him perfectly, showing off the flat, toned body he doesn’t often expose, and the trousers fall just right across his legs. Gloomily he reflects that the last time he was dressed up like this was for the god-awful book launch last year. When he hears Shaun call from the bottom of the stairs he runs his fingers through his hair one last time and walks downstairs with a heavy heart.

The patio and garden are now buzzing with glamorous men and women, all elegantly manicured, polished and preening in the attention of other beautiful people. Cody is playing with a little boy who seems to be wearing designer shorts and a tiny shirt with a tie, throwing a football to each other. Zach has always envied how Shaun flourishes in these situations, always knowing how to hold those easy conversations and laugh at the right time in jokes, without seeming awkward. He guides Zach over to a group of people, one hand pressed gently against his elbow. The six sets of eyes rake over him, taking in his hair, his physique and his clothes, teeth bared in supposedly friendly smiles that make them look like hungry tigers.  
“This is Zach, my partner. Zach, this is Julie, Mark, Vanessa, Leona and Robert.” The women all coo greetings at him and the men over-jovially hold out hands for vigorous hand shakes. Sweat breaks out on Zach’s palms, and he tries discreetly to wipe them on the back of his trousers without making it too obvious.  
“So, Zach, what do you do?” purrs Vanessa, trying to look interested.  
“I’m at Cal Arts, studying design.” He says, trying to match her gaze, keeping one hand in his pocket to stop the shaking.  
“A student? God, I remember my college days. No responsibilities, missing lectures, drinking all night. Good times, huh?” says Mark conspiratorially, giving Zach a knowing wink. If it had been anywhere else he would have told him in no uncertain terms that he didn’t know shit about his life, and how it was none of his business anyway, but he smiled tightly and kept his mouth firmly shut.  
“Zach and I look after his nephew, actually. So he’s not your typical student.” Shaun cuts in, looking frustrated on his behalf, and one of them nods understandingly. “Yes, Angela told us that your sister is sick and can’t look after him. I think it’s so great that you said you’d take him in. _So_ admirable.” For a moment Zach doesn’t know what to be more offended at; the lie told by Angela, the fact that she’d been talking about him to her friends, or the condescending insincerity in the woman’s tone. Stiffly, he excuses himself, making an excuse to go and find a drink, Shaun looking after him in concern.

At the table he stands, fuming, while he contemplates which drink would best suit this mood. A confident voice floats across his shoulder, and turns round, coming face to face with an attractive stranger.  
“So, you must be Zach?” he says, holding out a strong looking hand. Zach sizes him up quickly: Tall, tanned, muscles visible beneath his well tailored summer suit. He looks like an Abercrombie model, Zach thinks, with a sinking feeling in his chest. He shakes his hand and tries to mirror some of his devil-may-care attitude. “Here,” he says, offering a glass of champagne, and Zach takes it with a polite thank you. “I hear you’re studying at Cal Arts, right?” Zach nods and takes a mouthful of the cool liquid, wincing as the bubbles sting the back of his throat. “I went there too. That’s where I met Shaun. Steven, by the way,” he says, flashing his big, white-toothed smile again. Zach desperately begs Shaun inside his head to come and rescue him, but he stands with his back to him, being bombarded with questions by another group of fawning, fake people.

“I hear you and Shaun are playing house while you study. What are you planning on doing once you graduate? Moving back here?” Zach is stunned, not only by his forthright questioning, but by the thought that he didn’t actually know. The matter hasn’t come up yet, and what if Shaun thinks it’s only a temporary thing? What if after everything they’ve been through, he assumes Zach and Cody will move somewhere else out of his hair? Steven raises his eyebrows in mock surprise, and smirks at Zach’s obvious uncertainty. “I mean, I doubt Shaun will want to do the happy family thing forever – he isn’t that old yet. I lived with him for four years, and he still got bored. Anyway, don’t listen to me, what do I know? We never talked about having kids, so I don’t know how he stands on the whole daddy issue.”

Zach doesn’t think of himself as a violent person, but he wants to smack the smug grin off his idiot face and keep smacking until he takes all that shit back, because how dare he put that doubt in his mind, and make him feel like he’s in the way?

Angela smiles as she surveys the party; everyone standing around and laughing and chatting looks as if they’re enjoying themselves. She beams as she sees Shaun animatedly telling the women from the tennis club some story, and they nod and laugh right on cue. Little Cody and Janine Levenstein’s son Iannis are playing with a police car on one of the tables, and even sour-faced Martina Johnson is eyeing the fruit platters enviously. As she turns back to the group she catches sight of Steven Emmerson talking to Zach over by the drinks table and she stops, her eyes wide and panic rising in her throat. What the hell is he doing here? She told his mother that bringing him wouldn’t be a good idea, but wasn’t that just the sort of thing Amelia would do? Smiling sweetly at the group she breaks away and sweeps over to Shaun, offering apologies to the ladies for stealing him as she firmly puts her arm through his and acts as though they are just taking a casual stroll.

“Don’t make a scene, but Steven is here.” She says through perfect pearly teeth. He looks at her in disbelief.  
“Please tell me you didn’t ask him Mom.”  
“Of course I didn’t! His mother must have bought him! I…I just saw him over at the drinks table talking to Zach.” His shoulders tense with anger, he pulls his arm from hers and walks in the direction of the marquee, before turning and hissing at her, “You are just fucking unbelievable!”

“Anyway Zach, great to finally meet you and see what all the fuss was about. Now I can go and tell all those vulgar rumour mongers that you aren’t just a toyboy – you’re so much more than that.” And with a last disarming smile Steven swept away in a whirl of Armani and expensive eau de cologne. Zach stood, glass of champagne now warm in his hand and felt as fake as the rest of them. He knew everybody was talking about him now; how Shaun must just be indulging his mid-life crisis and playing happy families with the poor kid his brother grew up friends with. Even as he looked about the party at all the horribly wealthy people he saw glances being flicked his way or averted quickly. The stupid fitted shirt Shaun bought him feels too hot, and he has never wanted one of his old baggy hoodies so badly. Putting down the glass he ducks behind the tent and edges his way over to the side entrance to the house, slipping into the cool calm of the kitchen.

Steven is in his element, surrounded by other gorgeous gay men and flirtatious women, and to top it all he’s put the spooks into that kid Shaun’s dating. He was absolutely flummoxed when his mother told him what she had heard, and he knows that coming here today has been most beneficial. A tap on the shoulder halts his discussion, and he promises to be back in a minute or so, and turns to look into the angry face of Shaun.  
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Shaun snarls, and Steven motions to him to talk while they walk together.  
“Saving you from your ridiculous hereto fantasy, Shaun. Everyone’s talking about him, you know.”  
“Well it’s none of their business, okay? I thought I told you earlier that I didn’t want to see you here; you’ve got all your shit, what more do you want?” Shaun snaps, but Steven shakes his head, smiling infuriatingly.  
“My mother asked me to come with her, so of course I came. Listen, I know you’re enjoying your little kid and husband dream, but come on. It’s embarrassing, Shaun, you’re what, thirty one now? How long are you going to trail him along? Besides, I hear he was straight before, how do you know he isn’t going to just run back to his old girl-fucking ways?”

The punch Shaun gives him knocks him for six, and a couple of the women scream, bringing Angela running over in alarm.  
“Shaun, what the hell is going on?” she tries to pull him back but he pulls away from her.  
“You,” he breathes, standing over him “you had better leave my mother’s house and not come back, or I swear, I will break your pretty boy _asshole_ nose.”

* * *

 

 

After Larry gives Angela some valium and a glass of water to calm her shattered nerves, and the guests have been plied with more alcohol, Shaun looks for Zach, and can’t find him anywhere. He isn’t answering his phone, and Shaun’s text messages are going unanswered. Fear constricts his throat and he grabs his keys and jumps into the car, racing down the drive and onto the road. He hits the steering wheel with a loud thump as he wishes he’d said no to his mother when she invited him. All of Zach’s comforting words and reassurances ring hollow in his mind as he grimly sends up a prayer to God, or whoever, that he will not do this again.

There is no sign of Zach on the beach, and he isn’t at the diner. Shaun has just about run out of ideas when he has a flash of inspiration. Pulling up outside Tori’s house fifteen minutes later he prays that she hasn’t moved. Knocking on the door, he feels as though he can breathe again when she opens it and looks at him in surprise.  
“Shaun!”  
“Hey, Tori, is Zach here?” She stares at him for a moment, pursing her lips together, unsure of what answer to give. He pleads with her silently, and she stands aside, letting him past.

She leads him out to her small back-yard, littered with mis-matched lawn furniture and an old slide. On a flowered canvas chair Zach sits, shirt open, a wine cooler in his hand. He looks up as Shaun comes out of the doorway, before looking down and away.  
“What did he say to you?” Shaun said, without preamble. Zach shifted in his chair and shrugged his head. “Come on Zach, tell me!”  
“It’s nothing that isn’t true Shaun!” Zach bursts out, “He...he said I was your toyboy, and everybody’s talking about us.” Shaun stares at him.  
“Zach, I told you he was a dick. Why did you let him get to you?”  
“Wouldn’t you, if you were me? I stood like the token poor kid while everyone pretended to get me, but they don’t know shit about my life! And your pretty boy ex comes up to me and starts on me, and all I can think is that he’s right Shaun! I don’t belong here.” Shaun starts back as if he’s been slapped, brows drawing together.  
“What are you saying?”  
“I…I’m saying that we’re too different. You know how to be at these things, where everyone talks about their beach houses and flying to Vermont for winter, and all I know is painting and surfing. I don’t fit in with them…with you.”  
It’s on the tip of Shaun’s tongue to tell him to stop being so apathetic, but he bites it back when he sees how truly miserable Zach is.  
“When have I ever made you feel like that Zach?” he says, his voice low and controlled. Zach can’t meet his eye. “This is just one stupid summer party – this has nothing to do with our lives. Because at least we’re happy, okay? Those people have had so much goddamn plastic surgery and so many divorces that they don’t know what happy is!”

“I don’t want people to talk about us. I don’t want them to call me your toyboy, or call you my sugar daddy; I hate it! And when we walk down the street with you and Cody they all stare and think you’re some rich guy that’s taken pity on the poor student. They probably think Cody is yours from some previous marriage or something Shaun, I don’t know!” Shaun makes a groaning grunting sound in his throat through sheer frustration, and stands with his back to Zach, eyes tight closed.  
“My Mom told me you were too young, and do you know what I said? I said you were a fuck load more mature than Gabe. She also said you had too much baggage, but I said…”  
“Cody was a great kid.” Zach finishes, looking down the black fabric covering his leg.  
“And when Steven said I was indulging my hetero fantasy, and that you would go back to fucking girls, do you know what I said?” Zach shakes his head mutely. “Nothing. I punched him in the jaw. I ruined the party completely, but you know what, I don’t give a damn, Zach. The whole time I was talking to people, all I wanted to do was to pick up Cody, take you and go to the beach to play in the sand and go surfing. The only reason I know how to conduct myself at these things is because I grew up with them.”

The silence he’s greeted with doesn’t bode well, and Shaun’s running out of things to say.  
“Shaun, have you even thought about what we are going to do after I graduate?”  
“What? I hadn’t thought about it. I thought we’d just carry on like we are?”  
“Perhaps Cody and I should look for somewhere else to live once I’ve finished. You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to take care of us forever.” Shaun looks at him as though he has never seen him before.  
“Are you breaking up with me?” he says, and his voice has a strangled quality to it which is so un-Shaun it pains Zach to hear it. This whole situation is way beyond his control now, but he can’t take back those awful words now they’ve been said. _No!_ Zach wants to shout, _don’t leave me, I didn’t mean it_! His answering silence seems to answer Shaun’s question, and he turns on his heel and walks back into the house, leaving Zach staring after him.

Striding back to the car Shaun fights the urge to scream and throw things. He slams the door once he’s in and fumbles with the keys as he can’t get them into the ignition, eventually giving up and throwing them on the floor, pressing his palms to his eyes as he struggles to regulate his breathing. Images of Zach lying peacefully in bed, laughing with Cody, staring at Shaun with _those_ eyes: they all gather size and colour in his mind, until he feels like he’s been blinded by them.

Tori comes out of the house, looking at Zach with sad eyes, holding out a bottle of vodka and a glass. In spite of himself, as soon as she puts her arm around him and presses her sweet smelling lips to his face the tears burn angrily down his face, and he feels like he can’t swallow, bile rising in his throat.  
“I fucked up again Tori.” He chokes out, and she strokes her cool hands over his cheeks and neck, shushing him gently. She starts when the screen door slams open again, and Zach doesn’t know whether to cry with relief or fear as he sees Shaun, red faced, standing in front of him, chest heaving.  
“Listen to me you stubborn little _shit_. I will not stand by and let you fuck this up, because whatever anybody says, I love you, okay? So don’t give me any of that bull about caring what people think, because I don’t! So guess what, you’re stuck with me.” Zach wipes his eyes on the back of his hand and starts to say something, but Shaun puts up his hand, stopping him. “I don’t wanna hear it. Perhaps you don’t think I don’t say it enough, and I’m sorry if you think I pity you, because I don’t. You and Cody make me proud every day, and I will never stop feeling that, ever. So why don’t we cut all the bullshit and you just agree to marry me?”

Zach stares at him, wide eyed, positive that he must have misheard.  
“What did you say?” Shaun rolls his eyes, and Zach almost laughs at the familiar gesture.  
“I said, marry me, Zach. Once this Proposition 8 bull crap is gone, you and me are gonna get married. We can fly to New York and do it next week if you want, but I am telling you, I’m serious about all of this, so don’t give me any more crap about not belonging, okay? Just _marry me_.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those of you still reading this; thanks. Also, this was written late 2011/early 2012, when the whole Prop 8 thing was still going on, so any references to marriage being legal in certain places might be a little outdated by now.
> 
> Any reviews would be greatly appreciated.

Zach’s head is whirling.  Thoughts of _what_ and _why_ crash through his brain at a frightening pace.  Shaun is looking at him intently, residual anger still lingering on his face, and Zach is at a loss as to how to answer.  Tori casts a nervous glance at both of them and slips out of the chair, walking into the house as quickly and quietly as possible. 

 Shaun’s heart is thumping against his ribcage, and he feels more acutely nauseous as each moment passes.  He doesn’t know where that came from; the spontaneous proposal followed by the awful silence.  He should leave, tell Zach to call him later after he’s had time to think.  However, somehow he knows, they _both_ know, that this needs to be sorted right now, one way or another.

 Zach is the first one to break the eye contact, and looks out over the rest of the small garden, lips rolled inwards.  _Come on, say something, please!_   Shaun begs internally.  Zach takes the bottle of vodka and unscrews the top, pouring an inch or so into the glass, screwing the top back on deliberately.  After taking a sip and wincing, Zach looks over at Shaun and holds out the glass, eyebrows raised; Shaun frowns and shakes his head.  Zach shrugs and knocks the rest of the glass back, setting it down hard on the table when he’s finished.

 “Shaun…” he begins, and the expression on his face is so sombre that it seems inevitable to Shaun what his answer will be.  He closes his eyes and rubs his temple, a dull throbbing ache spreading out across his skull.  Nobody is more surprised than he when a pair of hands takes his head and cradles it gently, thumb rubbing over his jaw line and breath laced with vodka lapping gently against his cheek.  He opens his eyes and looks straight into Zach’s face, mouth twisted nervously.

“I…I get it, Zach.  I shouldn’t have asked.  I just…”

 He automatically closes his eyes again when he feels Zach’s lips press against his, forcing himself to pull back after a few seconds.  He feels utterly bewildered now, and pulls Zach’s hands away from his face, holding them in his own and frowning.

“Don’t mess me around.  Just say yes or no.”   
“God, you think it’s that easy?” Zach turns away in annoyance, guard up again, hands now shoved into pockets.  
“It’s an offer Zach.  Take it or leave it.”  
“You can’t just say shit like that after we…”  Shaun shakes his head, stopping him from finishing the sentence.  
“No, we did not.  You can’t break up with someone if they don’t accept it.”  
“And you say _I’m_ stubborn!”

At an impasse again, they stand apart, both anxious and both angry.  Shaun thinks over the fact that everything that has happened over the past twenty six months has led to this, and briefly contemplates what his life would be like if he had never come back here after Steven left.  Empty apartment, take-out containers and a cold left hand side of the bed.  Pretty bleak.  Even now as he sneaks a look at Zach he feels his heart break at the thought of he and Cody leaving his life; _his family._

 Zach wants desperately to cling to Shaun and murmur into the fabric of his shirt that he would love to marry him, and be always safe and loved.  The only thing standing in his way is the stupid little voice that made him say all those whiny, ungrateful things earlier.  _Face it, Zach, you’ll never be good enough for him.  He’ll wake up in a few months or a year and realise that you’re just another trashy poor student with a kid in tow._

 “Zach, you gotta stop listening to all that shit that people say to you.  People like _Steven_ and all those idiots from the party will never understand.  I don’t know why you doubt me, and I don’t know how else I can prove that I want this, that I want _us._ ”

 “I…”  Zach swallows hard and looks at the expression on Shaun’s face, feeling terrible for causing it.  He has a moment of revelation, like they all did in the bible and stuff; the person standing in front of him is the one adult who will love him without asking anything of him, who will always listen and understand when he’s having a god-awful day, and get him a cold beer after work before rubbing his neck and shoulders soothingly.  Life has taught him that that kind of loyalty and love don’t come easily, and that if it comes along, you gotta seize it with both hands.  
“Okay.”

 Shaun blinks and looks at him questioningly, eyes narrowed slightly. “Okay what?”

“Okay, let’s do it.”  Shaun opens his mouth to ask something again, and Zach wishes he could film the exact moment he realises what he said.  He looks shocked, thrilled and terrified all at once, before crossing the space between them and pulling Zach to him.  
“Are you…are you sure?” he murmurs, and Zach nods shyly, blushing furiously.  
“I’m sure.” 

* * *

 Shaun rings Angela from the car once they say goodbye to Tori, and Zach squeezes his knee comfortingly when he hears raised voices over the line.

“Yeah, I know…well I wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t…oh, so this is all me, right? See, this is exactly the reason I don’t come back more…god, just stop, Mom!  Larry? Yeah, I get it, and I think I was doing pretty damn well until that son of a bitch opened his mouth.  Just tell her I’m sorry, alright?  Is Cody okay?  Yeah?  That’s cool.  We’ll be back in an hour or something.”

 Shaun sighs as he hangs up the phone, dropping it into the side pocket of the door.  
“Well, apparently I ruined the party.  Steven’s mom started an argument with my mom, and swore never to speak to her again, and half the party were secretly laughing their asses off that he got a beating.  So….”

 Zach feels a little bad when he smiles smugly, wishing he could have seen Shaun knock that bastard on his ass.  He tries to look guiltier when Shaun catches his smile, but fails horribly.  Shaun starts laughing, and claps his hand over his eyes as he leans his head back into the seat.  
“God, promise me that the next time I mention coming back here you’ll just say no.  Don’t make me do this again.”  Zach promises him emphatically that he will never put them through this again. 

* * *

 Shaun scoops Cody out of the car when they pull back into their apartment at around midnight.  It feels like they’ve been away a week instead of a night, and Zach is exhausted.  They haven’t had a chance to talk about the proposal since they left Tori’s house, and he’s itching to discuss it further. 

 He unlocks the door with a gentle click and holds it open for Shaun, who smiles softly at him as he walks past with an armful of sleepy kid.  He puts their bags down in the bedroom before taking off his sneakers and stripping off down to his boxers, sitting on the bed with a relieved sigh.

 The journey back had been quiet, Shaun brooding over Angela’s moans about the party, and even Cody realising that asking questions about why they had to leave quickly was a bad idea.  Zach keeps thinking over how to tell Jeannie about this latest development in his relationship, and comes up with a blank.  Shaun sent Gabe a message when they stopped at a service station, and got an enthusiastic, if unintelligible reply.  Zach says that they should probably let the dust settle with Shaun’s mom before they tell her.

 Shaun comes into the bedroom and pulls his sweater off without a word.  He opens the window a little to let some fresh air into the warm room and scratches a spot below his ear, yawning widely.  Zach’s heartbeat quickens as Shaun’s hands undo the belt buckle holding his jeans up.  It’s so good to him back in his normal clothes.

 Shaun catches him looking and wanders over slowly to him, running one hand over his neck and smiling.  Zach pulls him closer, bunching his hand in the worn, soft denim and drawing his hand back.  Shaun leans down and kisses him deeply, pulling back just enough to murmur, “I love you,” before disappearing off to the bathroom. 

* * *

 By the time the alarm goes off on Sunday morning, Zach has been awake for an hour or so, questions on the tip of his tongue as he tries to think of a casual way to broach the whole _proposal_ issue again. 

 Beside him Shaun twitches, letting out his breath on a soft groaning sigh, and moves his arm to rest against the warm skin of Zach’s back.  Zach smiles unconsciously and rolls over to face him, enjoying the sight of Shaun’s eyes opening blearily for the first time that day.  
“Stop staring at me, freak.” He mumbles, and presses his face into the pillow as Zach chuckles.  
“C’mon, wake up, we need to talk,” Zach presses gently, and then Shaun’s eyes are on him, and Zach knows he’s afraid that he’ll have changed his mind.  Swallowing hard, Shaun clears his throat and pushes himself up onto his elbow.  
“You haven’t…changed your mind, have you?”  He asks, and Zach shakes his head after a moment.   
“No, I haven’t, I just want to talk about it.  About _why._ ”

 Shaun’s brow furrows as he literally cannot understand what Zach is saying;

“What do you mean, ‘why’?  Why does anyone ask anyone to marry them?”   
Zach looks down and fidgets with a frayed cotton come loose from the rest of the pillow.   
“Just…why me?  I don’t get it.”

 As much as he loves Zach to the ends of the earth, Shaun sometimes wonders how he hasn’t throttled him yet.  “Why _not_ you, Zach?”  
Zach shrugs, presented with yet another question he doesn’t have the answer to.  Shaun pulls himself up to sitting and looks down at Zach with what he imagines is a saintly look of patience.  “I love you, but I swear, you’re a little pain in the ass sometimes Zach.  Just because I don’t list the reasons that I love you doesn’t mean that I don’t, or that you aren’t on my mind all the time.  Because I do, and you are.  So instead of angsting about if I meant it or not, how about you just think of when and where you want to do it?”

 Zach is tempted to argue, but bites his tongue and slides a little deeper back into the bed, twitching the cover back over his shoulders.  Shaun runs his knuckles over the short hair and leans over, pressing a kiss to the outside of Zach’s ear, murmuring gently to him before reaching for his jeans and pulling them on before walking from the room to put a pot of coffee on. 

* * *

 The summer starts off in a fairly standard way; Cody’s new best friend Mikey asks if he wants to go away on holiday with him because his older sister can’t go anymore.  Mikey’s mom seems relieved she and his Dad won’t have to amuse him all the time, and emails Zach with all the details.  Just a few nights by a lake somewhere, nothing too complex.

 Zach is surprised by the fact that Shaun is the one moping about while they pack his bags, and pats him on the back comfortingly whilst they wave goodbye to him at Mikey’s house, having to lead him away before Cody gets embarrassed or upset.

 Shaun is quiet when they get home, pulling Zach in for an impulsive hug, then wandering away to begin work.  Zach leaves him a note in the kitchen to avoid disturbing him when he leaves for a shift at the diner. 

When he lets himself back in later, just after midnight, Zach sees Shaun asleep on the sofa, Laptop perched precariously on his lap and papers scattered across the floor.  Carefully, Zach closes the computer and piles the papers on top, pulling the blanket from the other sofa and draping it over Shaun’s sleeping form.  He kisses him goodnight and walks to the bedroom, pulling his shirt off as he goes.  

* * *

 Day two of Cody’s holiday and Zach calls in sick, only feeling a little bit guilty as he promises himself that he is going to talk to Shaun in a grown up, mature way about their future.  _No anger, no ducking out_ , he tells himself sternly, and sits in the front room waiting for Shaun to get back from the grocery store. 

 He hears the front door click and fidgets nervously, willing himself to look calm and collected, and not as freaked out as he knows he is.  Shaun pokes his head around the door and grins, raising an eyebrow at the sight of Zach sitting unnaturally straight up in the chair, hands twisting over each other in his lap.  He places the bags in the kitchen and, grabbing an apple, walks in to sit at the other end of the sofa.  
“Come on, lay it on me.” He says when Zach remains silent.   
“Okay, so I guess we need to talk,” Zach starts falteringly.  Shaun nods and waits, moving his leg round so he’s facing Zach properly.  “I…uh…I’m sorry if I’ve been weird since we got back.”  
“Apology accepted.  Wanna tell me why?”  Zach sighs and scratches at the back of his neck, shrugging half-heartedly.

“I dunno.  The whole marriage thing just threw me…I mean, I never thought about that.  Not even really with Tori.  I just guessed it would happen when I was a lot older, and that I’d have a couple of kids, and that would be it, you know?  With us, I just thought we were…”  Shaun reaches forward and grabs one of his fluttering hands, wrapping it in his big, warm palm.   
“What did you think?  That we were just gonna carry on like this forever?  I’m not trying to pressure you or anything Zach, I swear.  I just want you to know that you and Cody are the most important parts of my life, and I want you, and everybody else, to know that.”  A pause, and then “God, that sounded really sappy didn’t it?”

 Zach cracks a smile for the first time since he got home, and Shaun feels his heart flutter with relief.  
“Look, it isn’t going to happen overnight, I know that, and it may never be legal here, but I don’t care.  We can go to New York and do it, and that’s just fine with me.  If you’re worried about me wanting a big society wedding then don’t; God knows my Mom will never forgive me, but I’ll get over it.”

 Zach doesn’t respond, just laces their hands tighter together and moves closer, leaning against Shaun’s warmth. 

* * *

 While they’re watching a film later, Zach excuses himself and heads to the bedroom, looking for the sketchpad he unpacked after they got back.  It isn’t by the bed or with his other art stuff and he sits on the middle of the bed, going through where he could have dumped it.  His eyes land on Shaun’s bedside table and he leans over, jerking the drawer open and breathing a sigh of relief when he sees the worn black cover shoved in there.  He makes a mental note to tell Shaun not to tidy his stuff away without telling him, and pulls the book out, stopping suddenly when he sees a small blue box nestled amongst the condoms and other bits of crap Shaun insists on holding on to.  One little voice at the back of his mind tells him not to touch it, or he’ll regret it, and the other urges him to just go on and have a quick peek – Shaun will never know.

 As soon as Shaun hears the distinct roll and squeak of the drawer he groans, dropping his head into his hand and getting up, knowing what he’ll find next door.  As he expects, Zach is holding the jewellers box he bought on a whim but has wussed out of giving.  He didn’t really know how he’s going to explain this one, but thinks he’d better come up with something damn quickly.

 Zach looks up at him, and Shaun thinks he’s never looked so lost; it makes him want to get the stupid box with the stupid ring and throw it out of the window.

“Just open it Zach.” He says, an air of resignation in his voice.  Zach lifts the lid and stares at the silver band inside.  “I know, it’s stupid; I just bought it on a whim a while ago, and I wasn’t going to do anything with it, I just…”

 Zach nods and carries on staring.  After a horribly long ten seconds he pulls the scratched up band he’s worn on his right hand for years off and slips the new ring on, looking at it on his hand.  Now Shaun is really baffled, and he carries on standing in the doorway, waiting for Zach to say something, anything.  Zach clears his throat.

“D’you wanna go get pizza?”  

* * *

 The doorbell goes and Zach and Shaun both get up to answer it, snickering at each other.  Mikey’s mom stands with a very tanned looking Cody by her side, and a miserable looking Mikey.  She tells them he was a pleasure to have with them, and showed Mikey a thing or two about eating all of his dinner.  They thank her and wave them off, Mikey waving sadly to Cody as he goes.

 Cody brings them presents from holiday; a tacky tourist notebook with ‘My kid went to the Lake and all I got was this stupid book!” emblazoned across it for Shaun, and a small painting of the woods by the lake for Zach.  He grins as they look at them admiringly, and kisses Shaun on the cheek before climbing onto Zach’s lap, making him groan at his weight.

“Have you been eating rocks or something Codes?” he exclaims, and Cody giggles, wriggling about before he gets comfortable.  He cocks his head to one side and points at Zach’s hand.

“What’s that?”  Shaun cuts his eyes at Zach, who blinks, nonplussed at the question.

“Shaun gave it to me.”  He says, and just like that Cody loses interest and starts telling them about what cool stuff he saw at the lake.  Shaun winks at Zach, who blushes.

* * *

 August lands hot and humid on California, and the diner kitchen is almost unbearable.  The tourist season is hot and humid, and Zach has never resented working so much.  After one particularly confusing exchange with some Japanese visitors he takes his break, hanging up his apron and stepping outside the back door.  He flicks open his cellphone, three new messages. 

 FROM: Tori

_Hey monkey, just wanted to check that everything was alright with you guys as you didn’t message me like you said you would (asshole). It’s crazy hot here, work is same as always and the guys are still pathetic.  Message me back. T x_

 FROM: Gabe

_Hey sweetie pie, hw u n princess Shaun doin?  Summer break is great – chicks wanna pt out mre, n im workin a few shifts at a beach bar – awesme!  Mite drp in @        sum point if ur lucky. Peace, G_

 Zach snorts, setting himself a reminder to ring Tori and message Gabe back.  He clicks open the last message and frowns.

FROM: Shaun.

_Hey, ring me please._

 No kiss usually meant something bad was going down, and he presses dial, chewing his lip nervously as the line connects and rings.

“Hey,” comes the anxious voice of Shaun, and in the background Zach can hear rattling and the swish of automatic.  
“Everything okay?” he asks, and Shaun is quiet for a moment before sighing slightly.  
“I got a call from Mikey’s mom.  Apparently Cody got in an accident at the park and she took him to the emergency room.”  Sickness hits Zach in the gut and he grips the phone harder. “What? Is he alright? Shit, I gotta…”

“Zach, it’s alright.  I’m here – apparently he’s got a broken arm and a bit of concussion.  He tried to jump off the swing, but obviously the ground had other ideas.  He’s gonna be fine.  I just…I’m stood outside the hospital because they won’t let me in to see him.”

“What?  Why not?”  Zach hears the hurt and resentment in Shaun’s voice, and can picture him, mouth downturned and shoulders hunched as he speaks.  
“I’m not family.  So even though I help to bring him up, and we’re getting fuckin’ married, I have less rights than Jeanne, who could walk in here and do whatever the fuck she likes.  Sorry,” he says, his tone dropping “I…I’m just a little pissed at this asshole nurse – she gave me the dirtiest look when I tried to explain.  Good to know homophobes are still around, huh?”

 Zach is left speechless by shock and upset, and wishes he has something comforting to say, but nothing comes.  It feels like a bubble has burst, leaving the cold realisation that people do still hate, even in somewhere as hot and easygoing as California.  Jeanne’s accusing words from years ago spring into his mind; 

_You’re not a fag, are you Zach?_

He stands up, strides back inside and tells the owner what’s happened, who tuts in concern and tells him to go, shaking his head sadly as he leaves. 

Zach takes a cab all the way to the hospital, and pulls up at the entrance, giving the driver thirty dollars and running straight over to Shaun, who stands to one side of the sliding doors, frowning.  He presses a kiss to Shaun’s cheek and runs his hand through his hair, grabbing hold of his hand and pulling him through into the main reception.

 He gives them his name, tells them he’s Cody’s uncle and the woman points him in the direction of a row of cubicles, guiltily holding up her hand to halt him before he drags Shaun off after him.  
“I’m sorry sir, but unless he’s family he can’t go in.”  Zach is _this_ close to telling her to go fuck herself when Shaun tugs his hand away and shakes his head.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll stay out here.  Just let me know how he’s doing.”  Zach is torn between shouting at the receptionist and wanting to comfort Shaun, but the decision is made for him by Shaun smiling and walking over to the sterile seating area, sitting in a seat facing away from Zach.

“Just so you know, your system is fucked.” He mutters, and walks off toward the treatment area. 

* * *

 Two hours later, after Cody’s arm has been set and he’s tried really really hard not to cry, they leave, a bright red sticker adorning his t-shirt.  Shaun stands up, holding his arms out to the boy as they walk toward him.  Zach thinks Shaun’s eyes look a little red, but says nothing, just running a hand over his shoulders and squeezing gently. 

* * *

 Cody takes some painkillers when he gets in and awkwardly climbs into bed, lying on his back with his arm stretched out to the side, pillowed by his favourite teddy.  He falls asleep pretty quickly, and Shaun and Zach leave the room, turning the light of behind them. 

They sit in thoughtful silence, until Zach bites his lip and clears his throat.  
“Shaun, this afternoon, at the hospital.”  
“Yeah?”  
“It got me thinking.  If something happened to me, and Jeanne wasn’t around, well, I’d want someone to be able to look after Cody.”  
“Don’t talk like that, nothing’s gonna happen to you.”  Zach shakes his head in exasperation.   
“You don’t know that.  That isn’t the point; the point is that this afternoon Cody needed both of us, and you couldn’t get in there to make him feel better.”  
“Not a lot we can do about that.”  Zach takes a deep shuddering breath in and steels his nerves, before looking Shaun square in the eyes and saying;

“Yes there is.  I want us to adopt Cody.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks to everyone that has left Kudos and things on this; I really appreciate it. So, this is the half-way point, and I've got approximately 7 more chapters to upload, and a sequel. 
> 
> If you have any questions or comments on this, please do let me know.

After he drops Cody off for the first day of school, Zach sits and watches as he greets his friends in the playground and shows them his cast.  Last night he’d surprised them by being a little mopey and grumbling about having to go back for the new school year.  When he voices his concern to Shaun he shrugs and carries on reading his book, saying in a distracted tone; “Zach, he’s not an idiot.  Kids know when something’s going on.  I mean, phone calls and letters usually mean something big.”

 Zach goes out for a drive after that, just a few miles out of town.  He parks up and climbed out onto the bonnet of the car, just sitting and looking down at the city.  The feeling of fear and anxiety that’s been building for the past three weeks is making him feel sullen and miserable.  He’s been snapping for no reason, and he knows Shaun is trying to be good about it, but it’s making things between them tense.  Last night Zach slept on the sofa because he couldn’t bear to be near anyone.  He didn’t say anything, but when Shaun bought him coffee the next morning there was a hint of worry in his eyes.

 The worst part of it all is that he hasn’t even called Jeanne yet, and he’s dreading the moment that he has to say something.  He’s almost completely positive that she will react badly; she always did if she ever felt undermined.  He remembers an argument between her and their mother when Cody was born, and Jeanne wanted to go out with her friends, leaving the baby at home.  Jeanne had screamed the place down when their mother told her she had to stay in and be responsible for once.  Zach had just sat in his tiny bedroom, clutching the little bundle of baby Cody was at the time, and wishing that he was somewhere else but here.

 There’s that little voice again, telling him that perhaps he shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be thinking of taking on something that wasn’t his to start with.  But then a kind voice, a lot like Shaun’s, gently says that he already is doing it, all the washing and school meetings and cooking, so why not make it official? 

 Zach gets to his feet after the Shaun voice stops; what the hell was he doing out here listening to a projection of his voice when he was sat at home waiting for him?

 He swings into the car and slams the door, twisting the key in the ignition and suddenly very anxious to get home.  

* * *

 As soon as the door shuts and he’s put his keys down Shaun appears, worry lines softening on his face when he sees him.  Not for the first time Zach feels a pang of guilt for making him feel awful, and mentally promises a thousand times over to make it up to him one day.  He walks toward Shaun with a smile on his face, falling in love a little bit more when he opens up his arms for him to walk into.  Cuddled up against his warm, comforting chest, Zach pushes all the negativity and frustration to the back of his mind as far as possible, and focuses on the happy little ball of light that represents the family they’ve made. 

 “You alright?”  Shaun murmurs, and Zach frowns into his shoulder when he realises that he’s been asking the same question for weeks now.  
“Yeah.  Just…thinking, you know.”   
Shaun huffs out a little breath and holds him a little closer, lips resting against his hair. “If you’re worried about anything, please talk to me Zach.  We’re supposed to be doing this together; I want to know.” 

 Zach swallows; he hadn’t expected this to be so hard.  He didn’t think this whole process would be so draining.  It feels like every day he wakes up with a headache, and tension sits across his shoulders all day while he does his work at college, or when he does a shift at the diner.  In some obscure way he wishes he’d never said anything, never mentioned the idea, because surely this could lead to them losing Cody forever.

 “Are you having second thoughts?”  Shaun presses, and Zach doesn’t know what to say.  Because _no_ of course he isn’t; Cody is as much his as Jeanne’s.  She hasn’t been here to sit with him when he’s sick, or taken him to school every day and dealt with him when he’s being a brat.  She’s become this figure that nobody really mentions anymore, represented by a phone call every two or three weeks, and birthday and Christmas cards.  Zach doubts she would even know what to do with him if she could see him now.

 “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just…”  Shaun pulls back, keeping a hold on his arms, and looks at him directly.  “What?”  Zach steps away with a sigh and turns to walk into the kitchen, pulling a beer from the fridge and popping the top off.  Leaning up against the worktop he runs the cool glass across his forehead and closes his eyes for a second.  Shaun’s voice, more insistent now, asks, “I’m not pressuring you either way Zach, but I just want you to be sure that you’re ready for this.  It might take months or years for this to go through.  They might say that we’re not allowed, or that only you can.  We just need to be prepared if we’re serious.  And,” he continues, “you need to talk to Jeanne.  Soon.”

 And there it is; the one obstacle which is pretty god-damned key to this whole situation.  Jeanne and her stubborn nature that doesn’t want to acknowledge just how bad a mother she really is.  Shaun rubs the part of his jaw that still aches from all the nights he has been grinding his teeth recently and just watches as Zach’s face falls a little further. 

* * *

  Shaun likes to think of himself as a calm, supportive boyfriend, well, _fiancé_ technically, but whatever.  The point is, this is seriously stressing him out.  He finds himself not writing anything for hours on end, and instead looking up family and adoption law in California.  He goes down to the local advice centre and asks every question he can think of, makes calls to lawyer friends and reads journals at the library about it.  In such a short time the idea seems to have taken over their lives.

 He tries not to be bitter, tries to appreciate the fact that they have a home, and jobs, and Zach is into his final year at Cal Arts.  He repeats like a mantra that he won’t turn into an angry, hetero hating stereotype like some of his gay friends.  Part of him understands them; the people that were always told that they couldn’t have what everybody else had, couldn’t have children, couldn’t marry the person they loved.  He knows he’s lucky to have Zach and Cody; a ready-made family for him to care for, though God knows he hadn’t anticipated half of what had already happened.  He fears for Zach, because he knows that when Jeanne turns round and tells him that she doesn’t want Cody; that she still chooses her boyfriend over her son, that it’s going to crush him a little more.  Zach has never let go of a tiny hope that she is going to clean up her act one day and take responsibility for her child, but as time goes on that fades more and more. 

* * *

  They sit Cody down a week later to talk about what’s happening.  Cody is very quiet all the way through, looking down at his feet while they try to reassure and comfort him.  Zach holds him close; rubbing tiny circles on his arms, and says, “Codes, we won’t do anything if you don’t want to.  You have a think about it, okay?”  He nods and slips down from the sofa, walking off into his room and shutting the door behind him.  Shaun reaches across the gap left by his body and grips Zach’s hand, smiling encouragingly.  Zach weakly grins back.  “Just give him some time, babe.  We just asked him to choose between his Mom and his Uncle.  That’s never gonna be an easy one is it?” 

* * *

  Late October rolls around, with everything on hold for a while.  Cody seems so antsy about the adoption that Shaun and Zach decide to wait a couple of months until everything calms down.  Zach’s looking tired, and Shaun comes up with a devious plan.  With the help of Mikey’s mom (on babysitting duty) he starts making calls and setting wheels in motion.

 When Zach gets to the diner on Thursday night Angelo frowns at him and asks what he’s doing there.  Zach blinks and replies that he always works on Thursday evenings.  Angelo tuts and shows him the rota, pointing to Suze and Rudy’s names highlighted in the slot for the day. 

 So Zach makes his confused way out of the door and starts the walk back to the apartment.  Half way up the hill to the apartment the van pulls over and Shaun sticks his head out.  “Hey, you not working tonight?”

“He says I’m not on the rota, but I always do Thursdays!  Where are you off to?”  Shaun winks and leans over to open the door.  Zach narrows his eyes suspiciously, trying to fight a grin.

“Shaun, what’s going on?”  Shaun puts a hand to his heart and looks hurt.  
“Why would anything be going on? I just want my man in the car with me, is that so bad?”

Zach snorts with laughter and gets in, winding the window down to let the cool air in.  “Where’s Cody?” he asks, and Shaun mutters evasively about Mikey and a play date.

“You’re acting weird.” Zach grumbles, and closes his eyes for a second as Shaun pulls out onto the highway.

 Half an hour later Shaun parks up and shakes Zach’s arm gently.  He wakes with a start, lulled to sleep by the warmth and steady motion of the car.

“What? Where are we?”  Shaun smiles and hops out of the car, walking round to open the other door.  Holding out his hand to Zach, he does a funny little bow.  
“We are going on a date.”  
“A date?  How old are we now?”

“Shut up and enjoy it.  We are going to spend some time together out of the house, away from childcare and grocery lists and work.  Just us.” 

Zach’s face softens, and for the first time he looks at Shaun properly; he’s styled his hair neatly and is wearing a pair of nice slacks and a preppy looking shirt.  His face falls a little, and he looks down at the jeans and scruffy t-shirt he’s wearing.  
“I’m not really dressed for a date though.”  Shaun waggles his finger and reaches over the passenger seat into the back of the van.

“Don’t worry, that’s all in hand.”  In the black bag is a neatly folded shirt, a pair of black trousers and some polished shoes.

“What, I have to change in there?”  Shaun rolls his eyes, and raises an eyebrow.  
“No, of course not.  Over there,” he indicates with his head, “is the hotel we are staying at tonight.  They have a restaurant that comes highly recommended, by all my high-class, rich, gay friends, of course.”  Zach grins and takes the bag from him.

“Now come on, let’s get in there.  I’m starving.” 

* * *

  The hotel itself is nice; modern and clean looking without being too grandiose and affected.  The female receptionist beams at them as Shaun gives her their details, and Zach swears the guy that gives them the keys winks at him.  They are shown into their room, which is light and airy, a huge double bed with scarlet covers attracting their attention.  Shaun raises an eyebrow at Zach and gestures toward it.  Zach looks at his phone and pretends to think about it.

“Well, I guess we can spare half an hour before we go to dinner…” 

* * *

The restaurant itself is classy, if understated, and the waiters move smoothly through the gaps created by the black, slightly rounded tables.  Shaun unashamedly holds out his hand, palm up and waits patiently until Zach puts his hand on top of it, grinning bashfully as he takes a sip from his glass.

 The waiter hands them their menus and Zach tries to find something he recognises.  Shaun murmurs advice across the table, and he settles on a steak with fries and salad while Shaun opts for salmon and vegetables.  The wine Shaun orders costs more than Zach earns in a shift at the diner, but Shaun waves away his protests with a casual “I’m paying.”

 Zach feels like he relaxes for the first time in weeks that evening, listening to Shaun talking about his new book, and discussing plans for a holiday in the New Year.

“I’m telling you, 2012 is going to be our year babe,” Shaun says affectionately, and maybe it’s the wine and the atmosphere, or perhaps it’s the company, but Zach thinks he might be right.  Shaun holds his right hand in his left and strokes the metal of his ring while he talks, and Zach doesn’t even notice when he slips it off and moves it over to his left hand.  It isn’t until he goes to take out his wallet while they argue about money that he sees the flash of silver on his ring finger out of the corner of his eye.  He automatically goes to move it back over but stops.  “It is kind of an engagement ring Zach,” Shaun offers as he twists to give the waiter his credit card, and he nods thoughtfully. 

* * *

Sleepy from the wine and the good food they decide against taking the stairs and instead step inside the elevator.  Zach presses Shaun back against the doors as they head to the third floor and runs his hand teasingly down the front of his body, stopping just above the fly of his slacks.  Shaun’s eyes grow hot and he grabs his wrist, bringing it behind his own back as he catches Zach’s mouth in a kiss that tastes of wine and the chocolate cake they shared for dessert.

“Getting bold huh?  I like it…” he murmurs against his lips, breaking away as the doors open and they step out into the corridor.  Zach can’t contain the laugh of joy that breaks from him as he is almost dragged down toward their room by an anxious Shaun.

 Once the door is shut firmly behind them Shaun pins Zach up against the door and places his hands either side of his head before dipping his head down and catching Zach’s mouth in a bruising kiss, making him inhale sharply.

“Bed, c’mon.” Zach says when they break apart.

* * *

 The following morning Shaun wakes to find Zach still asleep curled up on his chest, arms flung over his torso and his leg hitched up over his knees.  Loathe to wake him Shaun just lays there, stroking the soft hair on the back of Zach’s head and thinking.  He lets his mind wander to their wedding; nothing too over the top, they’d both hate that. Perhaps they’ll go to New York – since the bill passed there’s nothing to stop them.  Because things are changing now; people are starting to recognise them, and every son of a bitch that had ever looked at him funny or called him a fag could just go to hell.

 “Hey,” croaks Zach, and Shaun smiles at his early morning sleep-rumpled face, blinking in the sunlight flooding in through the curtains.

“Hey yourself,” Shaun replies, and Zach closes his eyes again, rubbing his face.  
“You were in my dream last night.” He says, yawning widely, and Shaun _hmmm_ ’s interestedly.  “Not like that you pervert.  We…ah…it was about us getting, you know…”

Shaun doesn’t reply for a second, and Zach doesn’t know how to elaborate more.

“You can _say_ it, you know.”  
“Say what?”  
“Married.  Because we will be, if you still want it.”  
Zach swallows; “I do still want it.  I just…it still feels a bit weird, in a good way that is.” he rushes to add when Shaun frowns a little.  They lay silently wrapped together for a while, listening to the sound of their hearts beating and the breathing that confirms that despite all the crazy stuff that’s been thrown at them, they are still together and still alive. 

“We can do it however you want.  Just us and Cody and a couple of witnesses, or we can invite some of our friends.”   
Zach nods against his skin, and trails his hand over a couple of the hairs on Shaun’s chest thoughtfully.  “Shaun?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Do you think I should invite Jeannie?”  
“Do you want to?”

“Not really.”

They look at each other for a moment and start laughing until tears roll down their face and they cling to each other harder, before their smiles fade and Zach gets _that_ look in his eyes and leans his head closer to Shaun.  Shaun smiles when they kiss, because this, all of this, is what it’s all about.

* * *

 


	8. Chapter 8

Zach stares at his phone screen, his thumb hovering over the call button before sighing and putting it back on the table.  This has been going on all morning.  Shaun left this morning after kissing him deeply and making him swear he would talk to Jeannie.  At the time it had been an easy promise to make, but now, on his own in the apartment, suddenly it seems to be an insurmountable obstacle.  He knows it has to be done, and it’s best to do it when he isn’t being influenced by Cody and Shaun, but he just can’t bring himself to do it.  He doesn’t want the anger and the accusations and being called every name under the sun. 

 With a surge of frustration at his own weakness he picks up the phone and taps out a quick text to his sister, asking her to let him know when she’s available to talk.  He looks out at the grey sky outside and walks over to the balcony door, opening it and flinging it open wide to get the chill air moving about the apartment.  The shock of the cold makes him shiver, and he closes his eyes for a second, revelling in the feeling of the tiny nerves in his skin bristling and pulsing against the sharp breeze.  The buzzing of his phone shocks him out of his daydream and he picks it up; _one new SMS,_ it reads, and Zach’s heart pounds a little.  It’s from Jeannie.

  _On my break at work.  Gotta come back to Cali to pick something up from Papi this weekend.  Around then if u want anything._

And that’s it. No kiss, no enquiry about her son, no asking if they were alright for money, no promise to visit soon.  And Zach is aware that it’s been over a year since she saw Cody, and he can’t believe that she’s coping so well without him.  He grits his jaw firmly and sends back a curt _Need to talk to you. Will come over to Dad’s Saturday lunch._

* * *

 Shaun winces as the editor makes another note in the margin of the chapter he’s looking at.  She puts her pen down and frowns.  “Shaun, this is good, but just a little inconsistent.” 

His heart sinks; he knew this was coming. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it feels different from the earlier chapters.  The whole feel of them was so…enthusiastic, but this one seems almost apathetic in comparison.  Like you don’t care or something.  Is everything alright?” 

Now there’s a question.  Things are alright _now_ , after the weekend away, but he knows the chapter suffered during the weeks before.  He’s written mindlessly, not engaging at all with the characters, and he knows it isn’t of his normal standard.  Linda looks at him expectantly, and he taps his fingertips absently on the table, knowing he has to offer some kind of explanation.

“I…things have just been a little difficult at home over the past few weeks.  Zach and I are...”  
“Oh God, you’re not breaking up are you?”  She stares at him aghast, eyes wide.  He smiles and shakes his head.  
“No, we’re actually doing alright.  It’s just that, after Cody was in hospital in Summer, it really pissed me off and freaked Zach out.  So, we’re making enquiries about…adopting him.”

Linda blinks and leans back in her chair.  
“Adopting?  Wow, I mean…that’s big.  What do his parents say?”  Shaun laughs hollowly, shrugging.  “His dad isn’t interested in him at all, and his mom doesn’t know yet.  It’s gonna go one of two ways.”

 Linda hands back the chapter and closes her laptop, slipping it into her handbag and getting to her feet.  “Come on, let’s get some lunch.  It sounds like you need to talk.”

* * *

 Zach looks at his phone again; still no answer to his last message to Jeanne.  He shoves the phone in his bag and picks up his spray can again, determined to put Saturday out of his mind and get on with his work.  He’s just getting focussed when a tap on his shoulder interrupts him.  He huffs and turns round to see Mark standing with a beaming smile on his face.

“Yeah?” Zach asks, wary of this sudden good mood.  
“Pack your shit up, we’re going for a drink.”  Zach blinks, and is about to protest, but something in Mark’s face stops him, so he sighs and starts tidying his equipment away.

 Mark frogmarches him to the bar on campus and even buys him a drink, before sitting down opposite him, positively bristling with excitement.

“So, you know how I’ve been seeing that guy Adam?”  
Zach thinks for a moment, recalls a tall, dark guy wearing a suit and nods.  “He’s asked me to move in with him!”   
The smile Zach gives him is genuine, and he raises his beer bottle to clink against Mark’s.

“That’s great!  When?”

“Well,” Mark says, leaning in conspiratorially, “we were in the middle of fucking, and he just stops, and I’m thinking that maybe he didn’t want me to top or whatever, so I ask him what’s wrong, and he just sort of asked me.”  Zach shakes his head at his bluntness, but grins anyway.  Mark carries on talking animatedly, and Zach can feel his eyes glazing over after a while, until Mark jabs him in the arm, jerking him out of his daydream.

“Well?” he demands, eyebrows raised.  Zach blinks at him, unwilling to admit that he hadn’t been listening.  
“Sorry, what?”  
“God, are you even listening?  I _said_ , I told Adam about you and Shaun and he said we should have you over for dinner after I’ve moved in next week.  He thinks we should know some more gay couples.”  Zach hums neutrally, and that weird prickly feeling of fear that he gets whenever he knows he’s going to have to go somewhere that requires him to seem cultured and smart starts creeping up his back.

* * *

 They sit in the vegetarian café down the street from Linda’s office, and over a glass of wine Linda manages to wheedle out of him what’s been going on in their lives; about Jeanne’s failures, the adoption, the row after the party and the engagement.  She listens intently, making disgusted and delighted faces at the right moments.  Shaun finally takes a breath and a sip of wine and twirls some of his broccoli linguine round his fork.

“It sounds like you really needed to let that out.”  Shaun thinks for a moment and nods.  He’d forgotten how soothing it was to be able to vent his feelings to somebody who was completely neutral.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” He smiles, and pours himself another drop of wine.  Linda gets out her blackberry and scrolls through a few menus, typing out emails and setting alerts.  Shaun stares off into the distance for a few moments, thinking about getting this chapter perfect for the next time he sees Linda. 

“Well, that’s sorted,” she says, and Shaun smiles politely, wondering what she means, until she takes out her handbag diary,  “You are coming round for drinks and dinner next Wednesday with your hunky fiancée.  Don’t even _think_ about cancelling.  It will do all of us good to have some different company.  I swear, I’ll be on my best behaviour – no talk of sisters or adoptions or weddings unless you bring it up.”  Shaun considers the invitation, wondering how best to approach it with Zach.

“That, uh, sounds great.  Look forward to it.”

* * *

 Shaun gets a Chinese takeout that night, and buys Zach’s favourite dish; chicken in black bean sauce with egg fried rice.  He gets some sweet and sour pork for Cody and bean sprouts and egg for himself, trying to balance everything carefully on one arm while scooping round in his pocket for the keys.

 Zach is just finishing up Cody’s homework with him when he hears the key scraping against the lock, and grins as he tidies the pencils away.  Shaun finally twists the key just enough so he can boot it open, and curses under his breath, making Cody giggle and Zach try to look stern.

 Zach leaves Cody putting his math book away in his bag while he wanders out to the kitchen and stands watching as Shaun manages to drip sweet and sour sauce on his trousers, groaning as the sticky orange sauce wobbles its way down the front of his jeans.  Shaun sees him standing there and raises an eyebrow.

“What? You _can_ help if you want.”  Zach walks up to him and kisses him firmly on his mouth before reaching around and grabbing a piece of kitchen roll to mop up the sugary liquid.  
“Takeout?  We never get takeout.  What’s going on?”  
Shaun rolls his eyes; “Zach, you are way too suspicious.  Why would there be anything going on?  I just felt like Chinese tonight, is that such a crime?” 

Zach holds his hands up defensively and opens the cupboards to get some plates down.  As he portions out the food, Shaun casually says “So, we’re having dinner with Linda next Wednesday.” He passes the rice to Zach, who swaps him another plate with pork on wordlessly.  
“Yeah?  As in, your editor, right?”  
“That’s Linda.  She thinks we need to get out more I think.”

Zach wants to argue at that, but on reflection realises that between work, school and Cody, they don’t get out much at all.  For a moment he feels nostalgic for parties and beer and occasionally getting high, but when he looks at Shaun, all of that crap seems to be a lifetime ago.

 “You know Mark?”  
“Uh,” Shaun pauses, rice-coated spoon in mid-air, thinking. “Oh yeah, the twink.”

“Shaun, you can’t call him that.”  
“Alright alright.  What about him?”  
“He was all excited today because the guy he’s been seeing has asked him to move in.  And they want us to go over for drinks next week.  Apparently they want to know more gay couples.”  
Shaun snorts, turns round, bellows “Cody!” then turns back to the food, throwing empty containers in the bag and getting three forks out.

“Looks like we’d better get a baby sitter in huh?”

* * *

 Friday night Shaun gets a call from his publisher and disappears off into the bedroom with his laptop to talk, leaving Zach alone while Cody’s out at another sleepover.  He pulls his cell phone out, finds a number and presses dial.  It rings three or four times before a breathless voice picks up.

“Hello?”  
“Hey Tor, it’s me.”  
“Hey monkey!  How you doing?”  
Zach can picture her sitting on the edge of her sofa or bed, legs curled up underneath her as she settles herself to talk.

“Yeah, I’m good.”  
“You sure?  You just rang to say hi?”  
“I guess.  I kinda miss you.”  
“Really? You’re clearly having too much fun in the city to worry about me.”

Zach is serious though, he sometimes has pangs of missing her, and he knows it isn’t about being in love with her or anything fucked up.  It’s that friendship and level of understanding they always shared together; Tori was the person who had realised about Shaun first, and she hadn’t hated him or outed him.  She’d just kept it to herself and only said anything when he bought it up first.  That was so like her, hating confrontation and atmosphere, just keeping everything tucked away.  Shaun had gently remarked once that they were a lot like each other, and that was why they were so close.

“Don’t be stupid.  You’re my friend.”

 They were never a couple for over the top sentiments or all the mushy stuff, but their talent for unspoken communication was second to none.  They both know that what they are saying was surrounded by subtext and hidden affection.  
“So, how’s Cody?”  
“Yeah, he’s doing good.  Better now things are happier at home, you know?”

“He always was a smart kid – he knows when something’s up.”

“Yeah.”  Zach can almost feel Tori willing him to say something, because they both know this isn’t just a passing phone call.  He needs something, but can’t bring himself to ask.

 “Have you talked to Jeanne yet?”

And there it is, out in the open – the subject he doesn’t know how to broach properly.

“No.  She’s going back to get something from Dad’s.  I gotta go meet her.”  
“What do you need?”  
“I don’t know.  I’m just…scared I guess.  I don’t know what she’s gonna say.  And I haven’t told Shaun I’m going.”  
There’s another silence, punctuated by a small ‘ _hmm_ ’ from the other end.  He hears her clearing her throat.  “Come over tomorrow morning if you need to talk.”

 After the phone call ends Zach sits pensively, waiting for Shaun to come out of the bedroom.  When he finally does, Zach shifts up to make room for him and watches as he places the laptop down on the side with a sigh.

“Everything alright?”  Zach asks, and Shaun shrugs his shoulders.

“I guess.  That was Tom, telling me to basically hurry up.  Deadline’s getting closer and closer.”  Zach squeezes his hand sympathetically and breathes out deeply, before placing his hand on Shaun’s knee.

“I’m going over to Dad’s tomorrow.”  
Shaun frowns in confusion. “Okay, why?”  
Zach honestly contemplates lying, but the cold water pooling in his heart tells him categorically to forget it.

“I, uh…Jeanne’s gonna be there.”  
“Wait a sec, have you talked to her?  You didn’t mention anything.”

Zach squirms uncomfortably under the baffled look in Shaun’s eyes, but knows he has to press on. “I messaged her on Tuesday; she’s going to Dad’s to pick something up, and I told her we needed to talk.”

Shaun nods and takes out his phone, flicking to his diary.  “That’s fine.  I can cancel the talk at the college and…”

“I need to go on my own.”  Shaun stops dead still, stares at his phone for a minute, then places it back into his pocket silently.  Zach wants to reach out and hold him, pull him against his chest and whisper into his mouth that he doesn’t want it to sound like it does, that he does want him there, but he knows he won’t do it properly if he is. 

Yet like the coward he is, he stays silent.  So does Shaun.  They sit, so close, but sometimes worlds away from each other.  Because that’s something they struggle with; communication.  Zach has always been so used to staying quiet, and while he knows he’s better since they got together, he still retreats when things get ugly.  Confrontations remind him of Jeanne and his old life.

 “Shaun.  I know you’re pissed at me, but please just let me explain.”  Shaun doesn’t meet his eye, but doesn’t walk away either, which is something.  "You don’t know Jeanne like I do.  I know she’s a shitty mom, and she’s selfish and lazy and all that stuff.  But she’s still my sister, and I don’t want her to turn around and accuse me of taking Cody away.  I know you think I won’t be able to ask her, but I swear to you, on our…our family, that I will do it.  I guess I need to prove it to myself.”

 Shaun still stays silent, but his hand covers Zach’s on his knee and his thumb runs over his knuckles softly, reassuringly.  Zach leans over and brushes his lips against his ear, whispering a soft _I love you_ into his skin.

* * *

 Saturday morning dawns and Zach wakes early, stomach churning unpleasantly, and he feels awful.  Shaun runs an arm over his side and down his belly as if he knows how he’s feeling.

“Hey,” he murmurs, and his breath tickling on his neck is one of Zach’s favourite feelings.

“Hey.” Zach murmurs back, linking their fingers together, wishing he could say _please don’t make me go, I don’t want to.  Because I know Dad knows, and I’m gonna have to talk to him about it, and what if Jeanne says she’s taking Cody back – what does that mean for us?_

* * *

 “You will drive safe, right?”

“’Course.” 

 They stand outside the front of the house, Zach throwing his bag into the back and checking the tyres quickly.  Shaun holds himself a little stiffly, hands buried deep in his pockets as if unwilling to touch him.  Truth be told, Shaun wants nothing more than to grab a hold of him and feel his heat against him, running his lips over his while offering reassurances of love and support.  He knows, however that this is what Zach needs to do for himself, because this unhealthy dependence that has been thankfully dwindling between he and Jeanne for years has to die a death now, one way or another.

 Zach is about to get into the car, but stops, turning and reaching out to grab Shaun’s arm, bringing him closer.  “I’ll be back tonight, I swear.  And I’ll call you as soon as I know what’s going on.”  Shaun nods, his heart doing a horrible _thump-a-thump_ as he watches him leave, because he knows this is the last time he will see him before they know how hard their fight is going to be.  He relents at this thought and runs his arms around Zach’s waist, kissing him softly.  “Ring me when you leave, I’ll leave some dinner out for you.”

With that, Zach climbs in, pulling his seatbelt over and starts the ignition.  As he pulls out of the drive, in his rearview mirror he sees Shaun standing glumly, hands in pockets again, a forced smile on his face.  _Right you pussy_ , he tells himself sternly _just get this done already._

* * *

 


	9. Chapter 9

The drive to his father’s house has never seemed so infernally long, and Zach feels on edge the whole time.  He takes deep breaths and tries not to swear and honk his horn when some idiot can’t decide what lane to be in and moves over both.  _No point in being angry babe.  Just stay safe and ignore them,_ Shaun’s voice says in his head, and he can almost feel his warm hand on his leg and hear him humming along to some country song on the radio.  Because if there’s one thing that he secretly loves, it’s Shaun’s ridiculously eclectic taste in music; from the Foo Fighters and Black Sabbath to Dolly Parton and Mozart, Shaun owns at least one album.  His iPod song list reads like a history of music, and Zach knows that whatever mood he’s in, there will be a song for it.  He turns up the volume and breathes in deeply, tapping his fingers in time to the music.

* * *

 

When he turns into the small road where they used to live, Zach realises for the first time how dingy this part of town is.  The street looks old, tired, and the people look bored.

 His dad’s house looks exactly the same as it did when he left over two years ago, and Zach knows he should feel bad that he hasn’t been back to visit, but just doesn’t.  Sure, he sends birthday and Christmas cards, but his dad never rings, and they were never close anyway.  He always was kind of useless, even when their mom was alive, and since she died….

 Zach parks the car next to his dad’s battered old Dodge, which he’s had for as long as Zach can remember.  It looks worse now – chips of paint have flaked off around the bumper, and the tyres are definitely almost flat.  It’s like a metaphor for his life; old, tired, not bothered.

 Zach goes to knock on the door, but it’s already open, so he walks in cautiously, struck by how dark it is inside.

“Dad?” He’s answered by a grunt from somewhere, so he pokes his head into the front room, where he sits in the same place he’s sat for the past twenty years, on his ratty lazyboy chair, a beer in his hand.  He doesn’t get up, doesn’t say anything really, just nods in Zach’s general direction, his eyes not leaving the screen. “Hey.  Is Jeannie here?”  He shakes his head, and Zach is left at a loss.  He hovers uncomfortably, not sure whether to go or stay.

“Sit down.  You’re pissing me off standing about like that.”

 Zach takes a seat on one of the brown sofas and takes out his phone.  He smiles as he sees a message from Shaun containing a picture of Cody dressed in the new grown up chinos Shaun bought him.  The talk he’s giving at the local college campus is on same-sex parenting.  _Not_ his idea, as Shaun emphatically said every time it was brought up – his agent had received a call from the LGBTQ group there and had pleaded and begged for him to do it.  He had resisted hard until Zach had said that he should do it, because perhaps a lot of the kids there had never spoken to a gay parent.  Shaun had _hmmm_ -ed in a non-committal way, but had grudgingly asked for some more details.  His agent, sly as ever, had told him innocently that the student body had a lot of visits from religious groups, and there was always some anti-gay protesters at their meetings and marches.  So Shaun had decided that he might as well, though as he told Zach, “I don’t get it.  Why do they think it’s different from being a straight parent?  What do they think we _do?_ "  Zach had shrugged and said that perhaps he should say that, and smiled when Shaun sat muttering over a pad of paper, writing possible points for discussion down with his lips pressed tight together. 

* * *

 

Half an hour or so later Jeanne pulls up in a shiny, new looking rental car and hops out.  Zach frowns as he looks out of the window; she’s had her hair cut and her nails done.  A far cry from the worn-down angry looking woman that resented her life with her family.  Resentment rises in his chest and he closes his mouth tight against the shout of fury that wants to burst from his lips.  Her heels clatter against the wood of the steps and she calls loudly from the hall.

“Papi?”  Zach almost can’t believe it when his dad switches off the TV and answers her.  
“In here.”  Jeanne clatters in, throws her bag down carelessly and kisses their father on the cheek.  She offers a perfunctory one pat on the back type of hug to Zach before flinging herself into the spare armchair.  
“Can you give me a hand finding mom’s old wedding album?” she asks the room in general, and Zach knows she’s expecting him to say something, but he sits firm and doesn’t answer.  Their dad grunts and nods in assent, and she beams.

 “What did you want to talk about, Zach?”  
“Can we go somewhere else?”  Jeanne bristles a little, and she cuts her eyes at their dad, hoping for a reaction.  He just sits, toying with the remote and waiting for her to go so he can switch the set back on.  
“Fine.” She says curtly, and stands to leave, pausing at the door to wait for him.  He walks after her, and can’t help feeling like he’s suddenly Jeanne’s little kid brother, always hanging around, always ready to do whatever she asks him.

 Outside she turns to him, arms crossed, that defensive look back on her face. “What is it? You want money? You and Shaun broke up didn’t you?  You don’t want Cody anymore.”

Zach blinks at her outburst and holds up one hand.  
“Hey, hold up.  I didn’t say any of that.”  Jeanne huffs and nods as if she knows she’s right.  
“You didn’t have to.  You’ve got that smacked puppy look on your face.  Something’s obviously happened.”  
“Fuck you Jeanne! You don’t know a damn thing about me anymore.  You don’t get to come in here presuming shit about me, okay?  You walk in here like you’re the perfect goddamn daughter, and dad actually speaks to you.  You know, he didn’t even ask me how I was, or how Cody is.  _You_ haven’t even asked that.”  He stops, hands clenched tightly to stop them shaking and looks at Jeanne, who has a look of shock on her face which she quickly covers with a casual irritated indifference.

“No need to spaz out about it Zach, I was just asking.” 

He feels like he’s holding on to his temper with his very fingertips, and he wants to smack the look off her stupid face, grab her by the hair and _make_ her listen to him. “Look, can we just go into town and get a drink or something?” he manages to say calmly, and Jeanne eyes him warily, nodding her assent.

* * *

 

They drive in separate cars and go to the biggest bar they can find that isn’t full of truckers and winos. Zach gets a coke and Jeanne gets a beer, raising an eyebrow at Zach when he looks at her.

“What? It’s the afternoon isn’t it?”  
“Yeah.”

They sit at a small table opposite each other, and Zach drains half his glass as he thinks of what to say.  Finally he takes a deep breath in and says

“It’s about Cody.”  
“What about him?”

Zach could scream.  She sits there, so impassive toward the child she brought into the world, as though he were the family dog.  “When you left you said he’d be with us for six months.  It’s been over two years now.”

 

Jeanne doesn’t reply, unable to meet his eye.  Zach waits for something, _anything_ from her to give him at least a hint of how to say this.  
“It’s like I said, Alan isn’t into the whole kid thing.  I kinda wish he was, but what can I do Zach?”

_Leave him, Jeannie_ Zach wants to say, but stays quiet.  She sneaks a guilty look at him and rubs her fingers together compulsively. “I…I had a termination a while ago.”  It’s funny, Zach thinks, despite the relief that there won’t be another child, Zach can’t help but feel just a but sad.

“What?  Why?”  
“He said we’d be over if I didn’t.  Don’t look at me like that; I got it good for the first time ever, okay?”  She looks riled now, and crosses her arms defensively.  “It’s alright for you, you got your rich older man to look out for you.  I gotta work all the time to keep Alan sweet.” 

Zach grinds his teeth at her ignorance and tells himself sternly not to fuck this up, because his whole life depends on this conversation.

“Jeannie, I need to ask you something.”  She looks at him expectantly, and he grips the glass hard to stop his hands from shaking. “I think I should have legal guardianship of Cody.”

Jeanne blinks at him in confusion and Zach swallows hard, forcing himself to look at her.

“You want what?  I don’t get it.”  
“When he broke his arm in summer they wouldn’t let Shaun in to see him.”  She looks at him non-plussed for a second, like she doesn’t fucking understand the problem.

“So?  He isn’t family.”

Zach sighs, “Yes he is Jeannie.  Cody treats him like a dad.  Shaun talks to his teacher, takes him to football practise, tells him off when he’s bad and cleans up after him.  He’s more of a goddamn father than his real one ever was.”

He feels almost lighter after saying that and realises that it’s _true._   He’d started this process thinking that Shaun would be a good option for Cody if anything ever happened to him, but now it’s so obvious that of course he’s Cody’s father.  Jeanne looks angry, and he steels himself for what she says next.

“I get it.  He’s been telling you that I’m a shit mom hasn’t he?  Zach, he’s just using you to get his perfect little faggy family.  He starts fucking you and suddenly he’s got the ideal suburban life?  It’s fucked up, okay?”

Zach leans forward, fist curled and jaw gritted tight.

“Don’t you dare talk about him like that!  Shaun has done everything for us.  He gives a shit about Cody – does Alan?”  Jeanne pulls her head back like she’s been slapped, and suddenly the talk which Zach had hoped would be easy feels like it’s turning nasty.  
“Why don’t you just come right out and say it Zach, huh?  Just tell me I should never have had a kid.  Tell me what everyone thinks.  I know I made mistakes, but I’m trying my best to do right, okay?  I’m sorry I don’t have your perfect life!”

 Zach brings his hands up to his eyes and grinds the heels against the headache building strength in his head.  He struggles to calm his voice down.

“I’m not trying to criticise you, and for your information my life is not perfect, okay?  I’m trying as hard as I can to make this work.”  
“By trying to take away my son?  Fuck you Zach, I don’t have to listen to this.”

Jeanne stands up, shoving her chair back and draining the last of her drink.

“Where are you going?”  She doesn’t answer as she turns on her heel and leaves.  Zach groans and walks after her.  He finds her fumbling in her bag for car keys and reaches out a hand to rest on her shoulder.  She shakes him off and carries on looking, spilling half the contents of her cosmetics bag onto the floor.

“Jeannie…”  
“Don’t, okay?  I know what you’re asking but I won’t give it to you.  He’s my kid, okay?  Not yours.  I gave birth to him and he calls me mom, so he’s mine.  You can go back and tell _Shaun_ that.”

 Zach can’t believe he didn’t think of this before.  Of course it isn’t really about Cody – she’s been more than happy in the past to leave him to Zach.  This is some vendetta against Shaun.

“What is it about Shaun that pisses you off so much Jeannie?”  She stops, a look of disgust and anger passing over her face.  
“You were fine before he came along.  _We_ were fine.  Then he comes back and suddenly I don’t see you anymore, and you aren’t around to help me with Cody.  Then someone at work says they heard you were fucking, and even though you said it wasn’t true I knew it was.  And when I had a chance to get a better life suddenly you’re there holding his fucking _hand_ and making me look like an idiot.”

 He blinks at her, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“You don’t like him because he made you look like an idiot?”  
“I don’t like him because he took my family from me.”

 That statement feels like a punch in the gut, and Zach honestly can’t think of a response that won’t involve him pushing her hard into the side of the van.  Because he really isn’t a violent person at all, but something about her needy whining and bitchiness today has really got him going.  Because she has no idea of what things have been like.  While she’s been out making new friends and enjoying a new life, he’s been trying to balance work, college and Cody and Shaun.  He wants to throw in her face that she hasn’t offered any money or visited him. Even the sweater she sent him for his birthday was a bit too small.  She hasn’t been to the meetings when other kids have said homophobic things to him, or worked hard to get him into the best school in town.  She hasn’t called him for at least a month, and he doesn’t even ask about her anymore.

 “Nobody took your family from you.  We were all still here.  _You_ left with your boyfriend.  _You_ left us.  Shaun picked us up and looked after us.  He works hard because he loves us.”  
“I love you.”

“No Jeannie, no you don’t.  Not enough.  If you loved us all so much you would never have gone.  You would have stayed and made Cody a priority, because he is more important than any guy you date.  He’s my priority, and he isn’t even my kid.”

Jeanne finds her keys and manages to open her car door, climbing in and slamming it behind her.  Zach steps back, expecting her to whirl away in a cloud of dust and exhaust, but the car stays silent.  He walks round the back of the van and opens the door, sliding in next to her.

 She sits, head resting on her hands on the wheel, eyes closed, cheeks pink.

“Jeannie, we aren’t trying to stop him from seeing you or talking to you.  You haven’t even tried to come and visit since the January after we moved in.  You hating Shaun is ridiculous.  He hasn’t done anything to you.  I swear to you, he’s a good guy.  All he wants is to take care of us, you know?  It isn’t fair that he isn’t allowed to do stuff for us because we aren’t related.  What if something happened to me?  I want Cody to be able to stay in a place where he feels safe, and he knows everybody.  He needs security Jeannie, we just want to give it to him.”

 Jeanne sniffs a little, and Zach’s heart sinks as he sees a tear mark a track through her make-up.

“I don’t want to lose my son to a fag, Zach.  What’s everybody going to say when they know?  Alan’s friends aren’t like you.  They don’t paint and know about art and stuff like you.  Alan talks about…you guys like you’re weird, and he’s always saying how Cody will probably turn out  gay and stuff.  What am I supposed to think?”  
“Jesus Christ Jeannie, can you hear yourself speak?  I mean, really? Think for yourself for once!  Alan doesn’t know shit about anything.  He’s a goddamn redneck who’s so wrapped up in his own ignorance that he can’t see that what he’s saying is bull.  You know me, he doesn’t.”

 There is another long pause as Jeanne wipes her face with her hand and checks her reflection in the rear mirror.

“You want to adopt him, huh?"

Zach nods, not trusting himself to speak.  She digs a tissue from her handbag and tries to clean up her face a little.  Zach watches her, disappearing back behind her mask of indifference as she applies some lipstick.

“Look.  If I do this, that’s it, okay?  He’s your responsibility.  All the college fees and holidays and arguments are yours.  I guess you’re right Zach.  What can I give him that you can’t?  If you don’t care about him having a pair of men as his parents then why should I?”

 This turn around makes Zach’s head spin.  The knot in his stomach twists into a new position, and in spite of himself he wants to grab her and shake her hard, ask her why she doesn’t care enough. Why can’t she bring herself to fight for him properly?  Why isn’t she telling Zach that she’d rather see him in court than give over her baby?  He looks at his watch; this whole awful thing seems to be done, and in less than thirty minutes.

“You always were a better person than me Zach.  Mom was right when she said I could always rely on you.”  Zach doesn’t want to push in case she takes it all back, but he has to hear it from her.

“Jeannie, if you’re serious about this you should know that Shaun is going to be involved in this all the way; I want him to try for adoption too.”  She stares out at the sea for a minute, lip caught between her teeth and nods.

“If that’s what you want.  Just…make sure he’s good to him, okay?”

“Of course.  He’s great with him.”

“I’ll send him birthday and Christmas cards, okay?”  Zach nods, and as he reaches over to squeeze her hand he can’t help feeling that this is going to be the last time he sees or speaks to her for a long time.  He reaches for the handle to the door, and looks over at her a last time, saying softly.

“Take care of yourself Jeannie.” 

* * *

 

He walks into his dad’s house with a sense of resolve.  He wants this next awkward conversation to be done so he can get back to Shaun and Cody and start their lives together properly.  His dad still sits where he left him, a new beer in his hand.

“Where’d Jeannie go?” he grunts, and Zach shrugs, turning off the television and sitting in a chair opposite him.  
“Back to Portland I think, Dad.”  Another non-syllabic sound, and Zach sighs in frustration.  
“Dad, I need to talk to you about stuff.  I just spoke to Jeannie about Cody.”  
“Yeah?”  Zach looks at him, a glimmer of interest showing at the mention of his grandson.  
“We…that is me and Shaun, want to adopt Cody.  Jeannie thinks it’s a good idea too.”

 Even to Zach’s own ears the explanation sounds woefully inadequate, and his dad’s expression is a bewildering mix of disgust, surprise and resignation.

“Adoption?  Why?  He’s got a mom, don’t he?”   
“Jeannie gave birth to him Dad.  Mom and I looked after him, and now it’s just me.  But I’ve got Shaun, and he’s great with him.  So we want to make sure that we can make decisions if we need to.”

His dad stares at him in derision. “Two guys gonna look after a child huh?  What’s he gonna do without a mother?”  
“Have you said that to Jeannie?  She left him, Dad, I was the one who stayed.”

There's an uncomfortable silence, and his dad firmly avoids eye contact. “S’not right.”  Zach stands and checks his pockets for his keys and phone.  He expects this from his Dad – he sits alone and miserable day after day in his front room, not talking to anybody, hearing only what he sees on television.  No point in discussing it anymore

“I just wanted to let you know Dad.  You know, Mom would have been proud of me.”

He pauses to see if his dad still has enough life left in him to care, but still he sits, television flickering into life as he steadfastly ignores him.  Zach snorts and turns, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

 

On the journey back he tries to blink away the tears that cloud his vision, because he can’t work out  _why_ he’s crying.  He flicks on the hands free set Shaun insists on keeping in the car and fumbles with the buttons, listening to the ring of the phone and praying Shaun picks up.  The voice that answers asks sweetly,

“Hello?”  
“Hey Codes, is Shaun there?”  
“Uh-huh.  Are you coming back soon?”  
“Sure am, on the way back now.”  Zach hears the rumble of Shaun in the background, and Cody whispering _it’s Uncle Zach_ to him, before the voice clears its throat.

“Zach?”  
“H…hey."  
“Are you alright?” the concern in his voice makes Zach want to cry harder, but he just _mm-hmm_ ’s  as brightly as he can.

“Don’t tell me now, come home.  Cody’s going out again with Mikey to get a burger, because he obviously doesn’t like me anymore.”  Zach manages a watery smile at the sound of Cody’s indignant protest and Shaun’s laugh.

“He doesn’t have to go out; he only just got back.”  Shaun lowers his voice.  
“I know, but I messaged Mikey’s mom and told her we were getting some important news about Cody today, and she was happy to take him.  She clearly fancies me.”

 Zach laughs, the tears drying on his cheeks, and he tells Shaun he’ll speak to him later, hanging up the call.

* * *

 

Zach arrives back just in time to say goodbye to Cody, who hugs him quickly waves bye to him as he trots off to the car.  Zach watches, heart thumping as they pull away, and raises his hands to his head as they round the corner.  When he turns around he sees Shaun leaning over the balcony, a soft smile on his face.  Zach falls in love for the hundredth time when he sees that smile, and bites his lip as he makes his way toward the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the first time I read this in about a year, and there are aspects of it I'm not convinced by. I've based Jeanne's reaction to Zach's request on what her character is like, and what she has already willingly given up. I hope nobody thinks this is wrong or unrealistic.


	10. Chapter 10

“Hey.” Shaun stands, looking at him expectantly. “Well?”

Zach exhales loudly through his nose, turning to pick up an envelope with his name on tucked under the phone.  Doesn’t look very interesting, so he drops it back down.

“Zach, c’mon.  Stop messing around; you’re scaring me.”  
Zach looks at him in mock surprise, raising his eyebrows. “What?”

“Cody?  What did Jeanne say?”  
“Oh,” Zach sounds off-hand, trying to keep his grin under wraps, “Yeah, not so great.  Looks like we’re stuck with him.”

 He can’t resist sneaking a glance at Shaun’s face, and his heart swells when he sees his expression turn from concern, confusion and teeter at the edge of joy.

“What?  She…she said…”  
“As far as Jeanne is concerned, we’re welcome to the college fees and the teenage arguments.”

* * *

 

It takes Shaun half a second to wrap his arms around him and pull him tightly against him.  Zach instinctively burrows his face into the warmth of his shoulder and runs his hands over the muscles of his shoulders.

“God, Zach, I don’t even…I always…” Shaun trails off, and Zach knows what he’s trying to say, and nods against him.  
“I know.  I…I love you.”  Shaun pulls back, looking down at him with a surprised little smile.  
“What’s bought this on?”  Zach shrugs and lays his head back down, enjoying the feeling of being back home. “Did you eat?”  Zach shakes his head. “Let’s go grab something, huh?  You can tell me all about it.”

* * *

 

Cody looks at them solemnly as they sit him down when he gets back from the burger place.

“Are we leaving?”  Shaun raises an eyebrow at him quizzically.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Are we leaving to go back to the other house?”   
Zach squeezes his hand reassuringly, “Cody, nobody is going anywhere.  Why d’you think that?”

Cody purses his lips a bit.

“My friend Sally at school said her daddy and mommy sat down with her and then her daddy left.”  
Shaun scoops him up and holds him securely in place on his lap.

“Cody, I can promise you I am not leaving, and neither is Uncle Zach.  In fact,” he looks at Zach, flicks his eyes down to the ring and then back up to his face, smiling when Zach nods, “we’ve got some news to tell you.”  Cody looks at them, a grin on his face.

“Are we getting a puppy?”  
“Uh, no.”  
“Oh.”  Zach can’t help but laugh at his crestfallen face.  
“It’s better than that.”  Shaun says, and a little face looks up at him sceptically.

“Really?”  
“Yeah.  You see that ring on Uncle Zach’s finger?”  
“Yeah.”  
“That means we’re getting married.”  
“I thought only mommies and daddies could get married?”

 Shaun sighs a little wearily and shakes his head, “Not anymore Codes, sometimes two mommies or two daddies can get married.”  
Zach watches Cody’s face carefully for a reaction, and breathes easily when he thinks about it for a second and shrugs.

“Can I come?”  Shaun pretends to think about it, _hmm_ -ing thoughftfully.  Zach watches Cody’s face drop, until Shaun starts tickling him manically, reducing him to fits of laughter.  
“Of course you’re coming, ankle-biter!  Who else is gonna give your Uncle Zach away?

* * *

 

Shaun sits with his head in his hands, glaring at the laptop screen, now displaying a sheet of black, broken up by a couple of little white lines, like cuts in fabric.

In retrospect he should have replaced the computer when it started overheating and being a bit weird a couple of months ago.  Time and everything that had been going on seems to have put paid to that idea.

 Halfway through a chapter the screen had died, and he’d irritably thumped the side of the machine, but instead of flickering back it had stayed dead.  Even the fans had stopped whirring, and the whole stupid lump of plastic now just sits in front of him mockingly.

 He tells himself that at least he saved the work, and the files can be recovered, but curses loudly when he remembers that he’d only saved once this morning – five paragraphs ago.  He can almost hear his editor tutting at his stupidity from here, and resentment at technology bubbles in his chest.  At least three pages of work, lost.

 When his phone starts ringing he’s not in the mood, and presses the green button angrily.

“Yeah?”  
“Shaun?”  
“What is it, Zach?”  He softens at the concern in Zach’s voice.

“Are you okay?  What’s up?”  
“My stupid _goddamn_ computer has just crashed, and I didn’t save the work, and I know it’s my fault, but…”  
“Hey, it’s alright, don’t sweat it.  I’m on my way back now.  We’ll sort it.”

Shaun smiles, in spite of himself. “I can do it myself, I promise.”  
“Yeah,” Zach snorts, “you and your computer have a special relationship, I get that.  I don’t think the computer guy deserves you telling him how to do his job.  I’ll do the talking.”

 Shaun thinks he should be offended, but the frisson of heat he gets at Zach getting all... _macho_ successfully diffuses that. “Mmm, whatever you say."

* * *

Shaun opens one eye blearily and smacks his phone to stop the alarm going off.  Next to him Zach stirs sleepily.  
“And that is why all your electrical stuff breaks.”  
“Shut up.”  Shaun mutters, pulling the cover back over his shoulder. 

He feels Zach start behind him, and swear under his breath. “What day is it?”  
“Tuesday.” Shaun yawns.  Zach clicks his tongue and forces himself to sitting.  Shaun grumbles as the cold air creeps into the gap left between his body and the fabric.  
“We’ve got to be at Mark’s new place for 7.15.  Shit, I didn’t even think.” 

 Shaun can feel him getting anxious, and turns over to face him, reaching out a hand to rest on his leg.

“Don’t panic, just call the babysitter and see if she’s available.  I’ve got some wine in the kitchen; we can take that.”  Zach starts buzzing about the room, pulling the towel off the radiator and tapping out a quick text. “Zach, just get a shower and let me deal with the other stuff.  It’s fine, I promise.”

“But the computer…”  
“Can wait until tomorrow morning.  Go.” 

Zach shoots a grateful smile at him and heads for the bathroom.

* * *

With the babysitter cajoled into not going to the movies with her boyfriend in return for extra money, Shaun pulls the car door shut and smiles over at Zach, who sits with his eyes closed, breathing deeply.

“Looking a bit new age there babe, you okay?”  
Zach opens his eyes, flicks him the bird and starts the engine.

* * *

 

Mark and Adam’s apartment is nice, in a slightly sterile corporate LA way.  It’s all super chic, white walls and black furniture.  Shaun tries not to smirk at the douchey art-house collection of films arranged alphabetically on the shelves, while Zach looks a bit unsure about where to sit amongst all the carefully arranged cushions.

 Adam is a graphic designer at an advertising company in the city, and dresses accordingly. He reminds Zach of Steven, and when Shaun cuts his eyes at him, he knows he’s thinking it too.  He seems nice enough, and he and Shaun have a talk about various aspects of advertising and target markets and things as Zach sits, fiddling unconsciously with the sides of his trousers.

 Mark pops out of the kitchen then, catches Zach’s eye and indicates that he should come in.  When he gets into the room Mark rounds on him.

“Well? What do you think?”  
“About what?”  
“Oh, come on; the apartment, Adam…everything!”  Zach has never been that great at vocalising eloquent opinions on things, and struggles to find the words.  
“It’s great, really modern.  Adam seems nice – sharp dresser.”

Mark raises an eyebrow at him in disbelief. “A sharp dresser?  Is that it?  Surely you can think of something else to say?”

Zach racks his brain, knowing how much this means to his friend. “He’s…uh…he seems smart, like he knows his stuff.  I bet he’s great at his job.”

 Mark smiles a little smugly and hands him a glass of wine.

“He is; they’re giving him a promotion soon.  So he says he can afford to keep me while I’m looking for a job after graduation.  The sex is _great_.”

* * *

 

Dinner is tasty, but clearly brought in by a caterer.  Adam apologises for not cooking in a way that says he’s far too busy to be worrying about making food, and gently digs at Mark’s cooking skills.  In all honesty, Zach can see they love each other, and for that reason alone he’s happy.

 When he helps Mark take the dishes out, he nudges him with his shoulder and says,

“You really love him, huh?”  Mark looks at him and smiles.  
“Yeah.”

* * *

 

On the way home Shaun seems thoughtful, and Zach sneaks looks at him when they stop at red lights to see if he’s alright.

“I’ve been thinking.”  Shaun says, and Zach waits for him to continue.  “I think we should get a new place.”

 That was not what Zach expected him to say, and he thinks it over for a moment.

“Why?”  
“Why not?  We’ve been there over two and a half years; it’d be nice to have an actual house, don’t you think?  With a garden maybe for Cody?  We could be all domestic and have barbeques and stuff.  I don’t know, perhaps it’s a dumb idea.”

Zach smiles as he indicates to pull over and puts the car in park.  Shaun looks at him questioningly, and is about to ask a question when Zach leans over and kisses him full on the mouth. “That sounds perfect.”

* * *

 

Wednesday they’re better organised; Cody off to another birthday party and his lunch for the next day packed up.  On the way over to Linda’s they discuss what kind of house they’d like, how many bedrooms, should they go for a pool?

Shaun smiles as Zach gets excited talking about a studio and vows to convert one of the rooms into space for him to paint.

“Shaun?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Can we afford a house like that?”

 Shaun knows what this is about.  This was a _you can’t pay for everything because then I feel like I owe you and I don’t want to be always in your debt_ moment.

“I’ve got savings Zach, and when I sell the apartment that can go towards it.  We may not be able to buy it with cash, but we can have a smaller mortgage on it.”  
“But…”

Shaun sighs. “Please don’t say it Zach.  I mean it.  Don’t say that you haven’t got enough to put towards it, because it doesn’t matter.  We’re getting married, and if everything goes well, we might have a kid to call our own.  So just don’t.”

 Zach’s quiet for a while, and Shaun isn’t entirely sure if he’s pissed or not.  After a minute Shaun reaches over and rests a hand on his leg. “Hey.”  Zach covers his hand with his and strokes the skin between his thumb and forefinger. “Sorry about that.  I didn’t mean to snap.”  
“It’s alright.  I shouldn’t have tried to bring it up.”  
“Zach, listen to me.  I don’t want you to feel like a trophy wife or anything, I just…having a family was always something I wanted, and I enjoy being able to make sure you guys have a good life.  I’m sorry if that bothers you, I really am.”

 Zach feels like a dick, and grips Shaun’s hand reassuringly.

“It’s fine.  I’m just…still getting used to somebody looking out for me I guess.”

* * *

 

Linda’s flat is clean, but cheerfully cluttered, with piles of manuscripts stacked over the tables and desk.  She pours Shaun a small glass of wine and gets Zach a beer.

“So, how are things with you guys?”  
Zach grins at Shaun; where to start?

 The whole story about Jeanne, and the discussions with lawyers and child services comes out over the course of the evening, and in contrast to last night, they sit with bowls of chilli and rice on their laps, laughing while Linda recounts horror stories of the authors she’s encountered over the years.

 Zach loves watching Shaun like this; relaxed and discussing what he loves with someone else that gets what he’s talking about.  At one point he catches him looking and winks, before turning back to Linda and delivering a punchline that has her roaring.

* * *

 Thursday afternoon, after Zach’s lecture, they go down for a meeting with a lawyer about the adoption.  She listens to what they say and makes notes as she goes, nodding in approval when Zach tells her he’s talked to Jeanne. “It’s good that you’ve spoken to her about it.  It couldn’t have been easy.”

_If you only knew…_ Zach thinks, and nods.

* * *

 

 After the meeting Shaun takes them for a drive around the suburban neighbourhoods on the outskirts of the city, and Zach’s eyes bug as he looks at some of the palatial homes.

“These are insane!”  
“I know.  These people have more money than sense.”

 Further away they find a quiet residential road, with big, but not huge, houses.  They look like the ideal of the American Dream, all neatly trimmed lawns and garages.  Zach _hmmm_ ’s at them, but then his eye is caught by one at the end of the road, slightly away from the others.  The style is different – it looks more dramatic, and has big, round windows that look like friendly eyes looking out at the neighbourhood.  A ‘For Sale’ sign hangs from a post in the unruly front garden, and Zach falls in love with it.  Shaun sees him staring and makes a mental note to call the realtor when they get back.

* * *

 

A week later they get the date for an initial hearing through with the county court, in February, and Zach chews his lip nervously as he waits at the lawyer’s office for her to call them in.

“It’s going to be fine, Zach, I promise.”  
“I hope so.” He says simple, and Shaun falls quiet again, letting the weight of his leg against Zach’s comfort him.

 The lawyer looks uncertain when they sit down.

“Zach, Shaun, we need to talk about something.”  Shaun’s stomach lurches and he just knows what she’s going to say.

“I need you to think very carefully about whether you both want to apply for joint adoption.  I just…there are still homophobes out there, and I can’t promise that they won’t find some reason for you not to be allowed.  I just want to prepare you for the worst case scenario.”

 When Zach looks at Shaun and sees the way his jaw is clenched, and he’s keeping his eyes fixed on the plant on the desk, he knows the answer.

* * *

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is a little more Cody-centric; I was made aware that up to this point there hadn't been a lot of interaction between him and the guys. So here we are, my own little ode to the awesome of Cody.
> 
> Just two more chapters and an epilogue left.

* * *

Cody sits on the swing in the playground, head leaning against the cold chain of the swing, legs idly kicking just enough to move him forward and backward.  Zach and Shaun sit on the bench just across the asphalt, talking seriously, looking at a bundle of papers held in Zach’s hands.  He wants to go over and talk to them because he’s feeling a little lonely, but remembers his mom saying that sometimes grown-ups don’t always want you around, and if they’re talking you shouldn’t be.

 Mom.  He remembers the way her hair smelt of perfume and the tang of cigarette smoke when she bent down to pick him up or held his hand on the way to pre-school.  His eyes sting a bit when he can’t quite remember her face clearly, or hear her telling him she loves him.

 Uncle Zach gets annoyed when she doesn’t ring on Sundays like she used to, and since he broke his arm in summer he hasn’t wanted to talk about her.  Cody isn’t stupid, he knows not to ask, or he might get mad about it.  Not that Uncle Zach ever really gets mad, only when he’s been told off at school or won’t do his homework or eat his carrots.  If he’s been sent to his room Shaun comes in, looking all stern, and Cody feels bad for upsetting people.  Shaun sits next to him on the bed and talks to him about why they’re mad, and makes him understand what’s going on.  Cody always says sorry, and does mean it, and then Shaun hugs him and tells him to get his pyjamas on.

 There are so many things to think about Cody doesn’t know which one to start with, so he closes his eyes for a second and enjoys being quiet for a while.

* * *

 

“Is he alright?” Shaun asks, and Zach shrugs, looking at the forlorn looking figure sitting alone on the swing that glitters with frost all along the metal bars at the top.  
“I don’t know, he’s been thinking a lot recently.”   
Shaun nods, mouth twisting as he thinks. “Maybe we should have another talk with him.”

 Shaun gets to his feet, shivering in the early December sunshine as he makes his way over to Cody, making him shriek when he leans down and whispers in his ear, “What you thinking about ankle-biter?”

 Cody slithers off the swing, eyes wide.

“You scared me!” he says accusingly, and Shaun does his best to look remorseful.  
“Sorry buddy.  I need a favour.”  Cody loves it when Shaun talks to him like an adult, it makes him feel important.  
“What?”

“See, your Uncle Zach needs cheering up.  And I was thinking, why don’t we take him and get him some lunch, perhaps…oh, I don’t know…pancakes or something?  I know you don’t like them, but maybe…”  If there’s one thing Cody loves, and has _always_ loved, it’s pancakes.  He likes them with cheese, with bacon, with chocolate - anything at all. 

“I do!” he protests, and Shaun raises his eyebrows.  
“Really?  Sorry, I must be confused with someone else.”

 As they turn to walk back toward Zach, Cody hesitates before sliding his hand into Shaun’s, because the kids at school say it’s babyish to hold hands now, but at that moment he doesn’t care, because Shaun has big strong hands that make him feel safe.

 Zach smiles as he sees his two favourite people in the world strolling hand in hand toward him, talking conspiratorially.  He almost feels jealous of the bond they have, but when they look at him and Cody’s face splits into a big grin he can’t feel that mad about it.

* * *

 

Cody stares at the menu in the pancake house, head tilted to one side as he contemplates what to have.  In his brain he asks his stomach what it wants, but it just says _anything!  Just as long as it’s pancakes._   In the end he goes for a stack with bacon and maple syrup on, and Shaun winks approvingly as he orders his with eggs and asks for three chocolate milkshakes.  Zach has his with a burger and a side of bacon, and Shaun hands back the menus.

“So,” Shaun says, folding his hands together in front of him on the table and looking at Cody.  He looks up at him wide-eyed, because Shaun sometimes looks like this when he’s in trouble, but he doesn’t think he’s been bad today.  “What’s going on in that head of yours Cody?”

“Huh?” he asks, and Zach puts his arm around his shoulder and squeezes.  
“Is everything alright?  You looked kinda sad at the park.”

 Cody looks at a tiny groove in the table and traces it with his finger as he thinks of what to say.  Zach cuts his eyes at Shaun and frowns.

“If you’re worried you can tell us buddy, you know that don’t you?” Shaun says gently, reaching out to grab the hand and catch his attention.

Cody looks up and blinks, because those stupid tears are starting in his eyes and he doesn’t know why, because they’re all together and having his favourite food and this so _stupid_ and…

“Hey,” Zach says, and his face is so kind and looks so worried that suddenly Cody can’t stop the water dribbling down his face, and his nose gets all stingy.  And even though he’s almost eight years old and definitely too big for this, Zach drags him up onto his lap and wraps his arms about him, holding him into his chest while he cries.  

Shaun gets a pain in his chest watching them moulded together, a look of panic on Zach’s face as he shushes him quietly.  He catches his eye and cocks his head questioningly.  Zach shakes his head, as baffled as him. 

 After a minute or so the sobs subside into hiccups, and then into ragged breaths as he calms down.  Cody turns his head, his cheeks flushed with heat and embarrassment, and looks at Shaun, who smiles at him and holds out a napkin for him to wipe his face.

Cody gives a watery smile back and wipes his nose and eyes, crawling off Zach’s lap and sitting back down, annoyed at himself for being such a baby about it.  Zach asks him as casually as he can,

“Wanna tell us what’s going on now?”

 Cody wipes his eyes again and looks at them.

“I was thinking about things, and I didn’t tell you because mom said if grown-ups are talking then I can’t say anything.  And then I thought about her, and I can’t remember her much, and it makes me sad sometimes that she doesn’t want to see me, and…and…stuff.” He ends weakly.  Zach blinks at him and Cody sees the look that passes between them.  It’s what Ms Kelly at school calls a ‘we’re in trouble’ look, and Shaun stares at Zach for a second, and it’s like they’re talking, but with their faces.

 “Why didn’t you say any of this before?” Zach asks, and Cody shrugs.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Cody, of course it matters!  We love you, and we don’t want you to feel sad or see you cry or anything,” Shaun says earnestly, and Cody knows he’s right, because he always says he loves him when he says goodnight, and even Uncle Zach, who doesn’t talk as much as Shaun sometimes says it.  “And whatever your mom says about grown-ups talking isn’t always true.  Sometimes if we need to discuss boring grown-up things that you wouldn’t care about then we’ll tell you, okay?  But if it’s something about you, then of course you can ask us about it,” He continues, and Cody nods, Zach’s arm back around his shoulders again.

 The waitress brings over the milkshakes and Cody accepts his, holding it in both hands so he doesn’t drop it and make a mess.  Shaun takes a giant slurp of his, but his face goes all funny because there’s ice cream stuck in the straw, and he makes his eyebrows go all wiggly, and Cody can’t help but giggle, then Uncle Zach snorts and joins in, and then Shaun gives up trying to get it out and laughs as well.  Cody laughs so hard his stomach hurts, and Shaun gives him a wink as puts the straw back to his lips and blows, moving the ice cream out of the straw and making a big old bubble in it that pops.  A bit lands on Zach’s face and he scowls for a second before they all start laughing again, and they carry on laughing even when the waitress brings over the pancakes, and gives them a funny look before leaving.

 As they eat they ask Cody questions about if he wishes he was living with his mom now instead of them, and he thinks about it, because he knows it’s an important question, but shakes his head after a moment.

“No, I like living here with you, and I like my friends, and my school.” Zach breathes a sigh of relief, and Shaun looks happy.  They explain to him about the adoption, and what it means, and he listens carefully. “Can’t I talk to mom anymore then?”

Of course he can, they tell him; this doesn’t stop her being his mom, it just means that if he gets hurt or anything they can look after him, and talk to his teachers and doctors and everybody. 

“It’s just to keep you safe buddy.” Zach tells him, and Cody nods around a mouthful of pancake.  He swallows, has a bit of milkshake and looks at them.

“Does that mean you’re like my dad?  What about Shaun?”

 They fall silent for a moment, and then Shaun says carefully,

“What do you think?  What do you want to call us?”

 Cody is quiet again – there sure is a lot to think about today.

“Uh, I can call Zach Daddy, and Shaun…” Shaun doesn’t realise he’s holding his breath until Cody says “Shaun can be Pop.  Suzie at school has a Pop – it sounds cool.”  
Shaun swallows and looks down into his pancakes for a bit, before excusing himself and leaving the table.  Cody looks at Zach, brow crinkling with worry.

“Is Shaun mad?”  Zach shakes his head.  
“No, I think he’s really happy actually.”

* * *

 

The day Cody breaks up from school Shaun picks him up in the car and takes him shopping to buy his Christmas presents.  The middle of town is really busy, and Shaun tells him not to let go of his hand while they’re walking because he doesn’t want him to get lost.  They go into the big department stores and Shaun asks what he wants to buy Zach.

 There are so many cool things for grown-ups that Cody doesn’t know which one to pick.  He asks questions about everything, and Shaun patiently explains about what a shoe-shaper is, what a tie-rack is for, why men have eau-de-cologne and ladies have perfume.  Cody listens attentively and purses his lips, looking so like Zach that Shaun can’t help but smile.

“I want something for a daddy.” He says finally, and Shaun finds a really fancy big notebook with a leather cover that can be inscribed at the desk, and Cody tells the lady he wants ‘Daddy’ written in the top right hand corner.  She smiles at he and Shaun as she swipes the card and tells them she’ll give them a ring once it’s done, in about three days. 

They have hot chocolate in a café, and Cody feels really big and cool, because there are lots of pretty ladies and cool-looking guys sitting around them, talking on their phones and writing in their diaries.

“Cody.”  Shaun says, and Cody thinks he looks a bit nervous. “I just want to tell you that you don’t have to call me Pop if you don’t want to.  It’s your choice, and I won’t be mad if you don’t.”  
“You don’t want me to?”  
“No, I mean yes, I just…Of course I do.  You’re my buddy, right?  I want you to do what you’re happy with.” 

Cody nods.  Grown-ups can be dumb sometimes. “I’ll call you Pop.”

 And the conversation moves onto other things, like moving house and what kind of room Cody would like.  Cody’s eyes bug a bit when Shaun says he can choose his own pictures for his wall, and get a desk and chair for his homework.

“When you get married, are you going to have a big party?”  
“Do you think we should?”  
“I don’t mind.  Can we have cake?”  Shaun raises an eyebrow and smiles.  
“Sure.  Everyone likes cake, right?”  
“Are your mom and dad coming?”  
"Ah, I don’t know.  Probably.”  
“Is Gabe?  Gabe’s cool.”  
“Cool?  He wishes.  Yeah, I’ll ask him.”  
“Is…is my mom coming?  And my grampa?”

 Shaun doesn’t answer for a bit, and Cody thinks perhaps he shouldn’t ask so many questions.

“I don’t know.  You’ll have to ask Uncle Zach about it.”  Cody looks at him hard, wondering if he’s forgotten the talk at the pancake house.  
“Daddy.”  
“What?”  
“I have to ask Daddy about it.”

Shaun bites back the caution, the kind reprimand that just because Jeanne has said it’s okay, doesn’t mean everyone else will.  Cody’s face is so open and honest he can’t bear to say anything to upset him.

“Uh, sure, ask him about it.”

* * *

 

It’s Christmas Eve, and Zach’s just finished a shift at the diner, tramping in through the door holding a bag of vegetables they gave him as a kind of Christmas gift.  Cody sits in front of the television, watching the Muppets Christmas Carol and sneaking chocolate when he thinks nobody’s watching.

“Hey Daddy,” he calls, not turning to face Zach.  Zach freezes for a second, and wonders if he ought to correct him, but remembers the talk he and Shaun had last week: 

* * *

 

_“Zach, if this is what he needs to understand what’s going on, then we can’t take that away from him.”  Zach had sighed and nodded, rolling over in the bed to rest his head on Shaun’s chest._

_“I just… I don’t want him to get confused.”_  
 _“Confused about what?”  
_ _"I’m not his father.  We’re not his parents, are we?”_

_Shaun was quiet for a second and his fingertips brush down Zach’s arm._

_“Doesn’t it depend on how you define a parent?  I mean, he does have a biological mother, yes.  She’s on the other side of the country almost; doesn’t call or visit.  His father, as far as everyone knows, is probably still an alcoholic who’s got no sense of responsibility and certainly no concern for his son.  So no, we aren’t his parents; we’re better than that.”_

_Zach nodded into the warm skin near his underarm and said nothing._

* * *

 

“Hey buddy,” he calls, kicking the door shut behind him and smiling at the tinsel lining the key bowl by the phone.

“Where’s…Pop?” he tries carefully, his tongue moving its way over the unfamiliar phrasing.  
“He got a phone call from his mom just now.”

Zach sighs.  Shaun hasn’t spoken to his mother since after the party, and refuses to discuss it when Zach brings it up.  He can only assume he’s breaking the ice as it’s Christmas.  He hears a raised voice from behind the door and winces, putting a warning finger to his lips when Cody looks around and starts to open his mouth.  Zach steps nearer the door and cocks his head so he can hear better.

“Is that why you called?  No, Mom, I didn’t tell you, because we haven’t spoken for almost six months…you chose to not answer my message back in October…yes…he _has_ known for a while, because he supports me.  Don’t blame Gabe, it was gonna happen sooner or later.  Oh, give me a break with the waterworks, just take a valium or…hello?  Hello?  Fine, you know what?  Forget it.  Happy goddamn Christmas."

 Zach’s phone starts buzzing furiously, and he slips it out to see the goofy picture of Gabe he set as his caller ID flashing. 

“Hello?”  
“Hey, look, I fucked up, okay, I’m sorry.  I only got back yesterday and mom was all ‘your brother won’t talk to me, I don’t even know what’s going on in his life’ yadda yadda yadda, and I was all ‘why don’t you talk to him then?’ and she just didn’t, and then today she was being all nice and shit, and I was tired, and she kept asking me all these questions, and it slipped out – I didn’t mean to say anything I swear!”

Zach can’t help but laugh at his panic.

“Dude, don’t panic.  I’ve been trying to get him to talk to her for months.  I’ll deal with it over here; just…try and talk to her or something.” He finishes awkwardly, and Gabe snorts.  
“Right, I’ll try that.  Thanks.”  
“No problem.  Hey, come down and see us soon, right?”  
“Sure man, I don’t think I’m gonna be welcome round here after this.  Stay safe bro.”  
“You too.”

 Shaun storms out the room angrily.

“She is just unbelievable, I swear to you!”

Cody freezes on the couch, eyes shifting sideways as he tries not to look like he’s watching them.  He doesn’t like it when they shout – it always means something bad.

“What did she say?”  
“Oh, usual shit.  I mean stuff, sorry, shit.  Just about how I’m as cruel as my dad, keeping her in the dark about my life when all she wants to do is be there for me.  Can you _believe_ her?  She was the one that told me I’d ruined her stupid party and made her a freaking social pariah.  Never mind that she hates Stephen and his mother, and they managed to offend her son’s partner, no, let’s all weep over her lost social standing!”

Zach nods sympathetically and takes him by the hand to the couch, depositing him next to Cody and heading to get a couple of beers.  Cody shifts a little, not breathing too loud in case everyone gets mad at him too.  Shaun sits, hands fidgeting angrily as he takes a deep breath in through his nose and blows it out of his mouth.  He isn’t properly aware of Cody for a good ten seconds, and as soon as he is, lets out a big sigh.

“Hey.”  
“Are you mad?”  
“Yeah.  Not at you though.”  
“At Daddy?”  
“No!  No, neither of you guys.  Just at my mom.”

Cody frowns; he sometimes feels mad at his mom, but he doesn’t shout like that.

“Did she call you bad names?”  
“Something like that Buddy, yeah.” 

Cody stops asking questions, and just cuddles up against Shaun’s warm side.

Zach passes him the beer, bending to brush his lips comfortingly against his temple.

“You alright?”  
“Yeah, no, I don’t know.  I just…where does she get off telling me I’m a bad son?  She just…this is why I didn’t say anything to her.  Because she makes out like I’m a bast…a bad person for not telling her before I asked.  Like she wanted me to make some whole society paper occasion with a goddamn string quartet and peacocks, you know?”

 Zach quirks an eyebrow; “Peacocks?” 

Shaun glares at him, but his mouth twitches at the sight of Zach barely restraining a grin.

Soon they’re both laughing, and Cody starts giggling too, and Shaun just makes a weird groany tiger noise and puts his head in his hands.  Cody pats him on the back even though he’s still giggling a bit.

“It’s alright Pop, she doesn’t have to come to the wedding.”

* * *

 

The Mickey Mouse alarm clock goes off at 5am, and Cody reaches out and presses down the ear that stops it buzzing.  He opens both eyes properly and sits up in bed, looking around his room.  There, laid across his desk is the stocking Shaun had pulled out of the closet the night before.

* * *

_Zach tiptoed into Cody’s room, wincing as a floorboard creaked.  He cursed Shaun under his breath for putting the sock on the other side of the room, and trod as quietly as he could._

_He was almost at the desk when his foot collided with a toy Cody had left out, and it rolled against the desk with a crash.  He held his breath, ready to come up with an excuse for why he was in there when Cody woke, but the sleepyhead just muttered something under his breath and rolled over.  He grabbed the offending sock and crept out as quickly as he could._

_“What were you doing in there?”  Shaun said, sat on the sofa with his book._

_“Trying to get the freakin’ sock; did you have to put it on the other side of the room?”_

_Shaun laughed, holding out his hand for the offending item and starting to fill it with the small gifts they’d been wrapping secretly over the past few days._

_“I used to love getting a sock when I was a kid,” Shaun mused as he inserted the Ben 10 water bottle, “I remember getting a GI Joe when I was about eight – best Christmas present ever.”_

_“Hey!”  Zach said indignantly, and Shaun winked at him._

_“I meant kid Christmas present.  Clearly your gifts are way better.”_

_“Damn right they are.  Gotta say, I’m running out of ideas though.”_

_“That bodes well; it’s only our third together.  Can’t wait till we’re old.”  Zach smiles at him fondly._

_“Me neither.”_

* * *

 

Cody slipps out from under the covers and picks up the sock carefully, tiptoeing back to bed and huddling under the covers, before pulling the first small gift out.

Zach’s having an awesome dream; he, Shaun and Cody are sitting on a beach.  The sun is beating down and the surfboards lie drying in the heat.  Cody’s reading a book about Pirates, and Shaun has just finished typing something on his computer, a big smile spread across his face.  Zach feels so content he wishes they could stay forever, and his heart thumps crazily when Shaun raises his left hand to touch his cheek softly, the sun glinting off the metal of his wedding ring.

 Zach’s eyes pop open, and he exhales deeply.  The wedding has kind of taken a back seat over the past few months, and instead it’s manifesting itself in Zach’s dreams.  He doesn’t know how to talk about it, because this just isn’t something he’d thought about when they started this

 Shaun rolls over and comes to lie against Zach’s back, chin brushing against the stubble of his shoulder.

“Hey,” he says croakily, and Zach shifts until he is lying facing him.  
“Merry Christmas.” He says softly, and Shaun smiles, eyes still closed.  
“Merry Christmas to you too, babe.”  
“Shaun.”  
“Mmm?”  
“I had this dream…”  Shaun cracks his eyes open and smirks, reaching one hand under the covers to grope at him.

“Really?  Sounds good to me.”  
“Not _that_ kind of dream.  I…we were on vacation.  And Cody was there too, and we were on this amazing beach.  And you…you were wearing a ring.”

Shaun is still for a moment before he sighs and moves his way up to sitting. “Did it bother you?”

“What do you mean?”  
“The dream, did it make you feel uncomfortable?”  
“No, it was amazing.  I felt…really happy.”

 Shaun leant down and kisses him tenderly on the mouth.

“Okay, let’s talk about it.”  
“About what?”  
“The wedding, Zach.  That’s clearly what’s on your mind.”  
“It might not be.”  
“It is, trust me.  Because it’s bugging me a bit too.  Do you still want it?”

“Well yeah.”  
“When?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“When, c’mon Zach, just give me a date.”  
“Uh, I…”  
“When?”  
“I…July.  Your birthday.”  Shaun looks at him for a while, and Zach can’t decipher the look in his eyes.  
“Why not yours?”  
“Because yours is at a better time of year.  And I only have to buy you one gift then.”  
Shaun rolls his eyes and flicks his shoulder. “July it is.  I’ll start making enquiries.”

“Alright.  Want some coffee?”  
“God yes, I need the caffeine before we have to deal with Cody.”

* * *

 

 They are up and dressed when Shaun looks at the clock and realises it’s only 6.00am.  He tries to lie down again but Zach takes him firmly by the hand and pulls him into the front room.

“Sit there and look festive.” He orders, and Shaun grins, flicking on the CD player and pressing play on the Christmas songs album.

 Cody hears the opening strains of ‘Frosty the Snowman’ and pops his head out of the door, beaming when he sees Shaun up and dressed, yawning a little as he sorts the tree presents into piles.

“Happy Christmas Pop.” He says, pulling his sock behind him on the floor.  
“Hey!  Happy Christmas kid!” Shaun says, moving up on the couch to make room for him.

“Look what Santa gave me!”

 Zach hears the excited strains of Cody’s voice from the kitchen and smiles, leaning against the counter for a second and offering a cosmic thank-you to whoever had arranged for his life to go like this.  Because if it weren’t for Shaun they’d still be back at the house, and it would just be he and Cody, scraping by while Jeanne enjoyed herself out in Portland.  He shakes the thought from his head and picks up the coffee cups, making his way out of the kitchen.

* * *

 

 One Turkey, lots of presents and two bottles of wine later Cody lies face down on the smaller sofa, exhausted by the excitement of the day.  Zach’s head is on Shaun’s lap, and they watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”, playing on one of the cable channels.

 “Shaun?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Do we need to make a guest list and stuff?”  
“Well yeah, we need to know numbers, right?”  
“Yeah.  I guess I should invite Jeanne, shouldn’t I?”  Shaun brushes some hair back from Zach’s forehead and looks down at him.  
“You’ll have to invite Alan too though.”  
“Oh.  I don’t think they’ll come.”  
“No.”

“I want Tori there, and Gabe.”  
“I had been planning on inviting him I have to say, what with him being my brother and all.”  
“Shut up, you know what I mean.  He can be the best man or whatever.”  
“I’d better ask my Mom, or there’ll be World War Three.  She’ll come, even if I don’t want her to.”  
“I can ask Mark and Adam.”  
“And I can ask Linda, and Julie.”

“Anybody else?”  
“Nobody I’m that worried about.”  
“Your mom will want you to invite her friends.”  
“She can bite me.”  
“That’s like, ten people, twelve if Jeanne and Alan come.”  
“Is that alright?”  
“Sure, I just…I don’t know, really.”  
“Come on, let’s get Cody to bed and we can talk about this some more.”

* * *

In February, a week after Zach’s birthday, they have the initial court hearing about the adoption.  Zach had called Jeanne in January about the papers she would have to sign, and she had been surprisingly co-operative, and distant.  Shaun had shrugged when Zach told him, putting the phone back in its cradle and pulling Zach close to him.

“Her loss.”

 Cody sits in the living room watching Zach straighten his tie in front of the mirror and swear to himself as the knot goes wrong, pulling it apart roughly and starting again.  Pop told him last night that today he’s going to go to Mikey’s after school just for an hour, because he and Daddy need to go and talk to the judge about the adoption.  He explained it really well, and Cody doesn’t feel really worried or anything, because he knows that everything is going to be fine, because that’s what everyone has been saying about it.

 At the school gate Zach gives him a tight hug, and he doesn’t always do that, so he hugs back really hard.  Shaun picks him up and squeezes him too, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, then puts him back down.  Cody walks into the playground and spots Mikey straight away.  He gives his Daddy and Pop a last look over his shoulder, and they wave at him.  His Daddy has a funny tight expression on his face, and his Pop pats him on the back before they get back in the car.

 All through Math Cody sits, looking at the clock occasionally when he finishes a question.  Normally Ms Kelly puts on her stern face when he does this, but today she’s being extra nice.  Cody likes it when she smiles; her eyes go all twinkly, and she looks like a fairy or a princess or something.  He told Pop that once before, and he nodded seriously, _hmmm_ ’ing like he’d said something really important.

“I had a teacher like that when I was at school.  They had curly hair and bright blue eyes, and I thought they were really beautiful.  I wanted to marry them when I was older.”

 Cody smiled, he knew Pop would understand.

“Was she as pretty as my teacher?” 

Shaun had looked at him for a second, and then laughed. “Uh, well, they weren’t exactly the same as your teacher, but they were just as beautiful.”

 At lunchtime Cody doesn’t feel like playing tag or ball, and doesn’t even want to do computer club, so he stays behind when everybody leaves and asks Ms Kelly if he can sit and read a book.  She smiles and says of course he can.

 He picks up a book that he’s read before, but loves completely.

“Cody?”  He looks out from around the bookcase and sees Ms Kelly looking at him.

“Yes Ms Kelly?”  
“How are you feeling today?”  
“I’m alright thank you,” and after a pause he adds, “how are you?”  Just to be polite.

Ms Kelly smiles at him. “I’m very well, thank you.  I…I talked to your uncle last week.”  
“He says I can call him Daddy.”  
“Oh, alright.  I talked to your Daddy about him taking care of you.”

“Okay.”  Cody doesn’t quite get why she isn’t saying what she’s thinking.  Pop tells him that sometimes grown-ups keep things in their heads because they don’t want to upset anybody.  
”I just…everything will be alright, okay?”

“Okay.”  He pulls his head back and sits down with his book again.

* * *

 

At Mikey’s that afternoon they’re allowed to play Sonic on his dad’s playstation, and Cody sticks his tongue out as he concentrates.  Mikey’s mom and dad are really extra nice to him, and his dad takes them outside to kick a soccer ball around, even though he has lots of boring paperwork to do.  Mikey’s mom gives his dad a soppy love look through the window like Zach and Shaun give each other, and Cody is glad he isn’t a grown-up yet, because that’s all way too much work.

At four thirty the doorbell rings, and Mikey’s mom hurries to get it, talking quietly to whoever is there.  They just carry on playing Sonic until Cody feels two big strong arms grab him from behind, and he’s lifted off his feet by his Pop, who has the biggest, happiest smile on his face.

“Hey kid,” he says, and Cody smiles, wriggling about until Shaun puts him down.  Mikey’s mom and dad have a quiet conversation, and his dad claps Shaun on the back, shaking his hand hard, while his mom kisses Shaun on the cheek.

 When they get into the car his Daddy turns round from the driver’s seat and winks at him.

“Hey buddy.”  
“What did the judge say?  Was it really boring?”  
“It was alright.  He said he thought we were looking after you really well, and if your mom and teachers and everybody say it’s okay, then we can be a proper family.”

Cody grins.  This day was going awesome.  He decides to push his luck just one more time.

“Um, Pop.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Can we go to Burger King for dinner?”  Shaun makes a face at him in the rear view mirror.  
“Really?”  
“Pleeease?!” 

 Zach looks at Shaun out of the corner of his eye and grins.  Shaun is terrible at saying no. “Fine, but just this once.”

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anybody hear that? I think it's the sound of wedding bells...
> 
> Apologies for any inaccuracies with regards to American airports etc - I think I need a reverse Brit-Picker (if that's a thing) for the future.

* * *

“Not gonna happen.”  
“What?  Why?  It’s your freaking bachelor party!”  
“Gabe, I don’t want a stripper!” Gabe huffs and rolls his eyes.  
“You’re such an old woman Zach.  You and Shaun are a perfect…” he’s cut off by a well aimed cushion thrown by Zach.

 From the bedroom where he is packing their case Shaun grins, glad that Gabe is here as a distraction for Zach as the wedding draws ever closer.  On July 27th, the day after Cody finishes for summer, they fly out to New York.

 The honeymoon, or post wedding vacation as Zach prefers (he blushes when he talks about it), will take place late August, once Shaun’s next deadline is out of the way, and Zach’s graduation has happened.  They’re heading to Florida, because Cody won’t stop talking about Universal Studios, and Shaun will always find a way for him to get what he wants somehow. 

 “Shaun, your little wife is abusing me!  Tell her to stop!”  Shaun grins, pausing for a second before calling back  
“Oh, trust me Gabe, he is _all_ man.”  Gabe pulls a horrified face and shudders dramatically.  
“You two doing… _that_ is worse than the idea of mom and Larry doing it!  Too much information, God!”

 Zach grins at him, and Gabe groans, pulling out his phone and tapping out a message.  “You two are enough to turn anyone, I swear.  When Cody gets home I’m gonna spend some time with a real guy.  We’re gonna eat chips, and watch football, and...”  
“Watch Ben 10?  Because I gotta tell you, that’s what he’s in to at the moment.  The kid’s eight, Gabe, not eighteen.”  
“I’m not gonna knock Ben 10 – at least he’s got weapons and shit.  If there are monsters then I’m cool with it.” 

 Shaun pulls on his sneakers and grabs his keys, calling back

“Hey, I’m off to grab Cody from school – try not to kill each other before I get back.”

 As the door closes Gabe looks at Zach and raises an eyebrow.  Zach listens until he hears the car start then reaches beneath the sofa for his laptop.  He pulls the screen up and it whirrs into life, the screen emerging from the black to show a pre-loaded webpage.

“’Kay, the email says it’s gonna be ready on Tuesday.”  
“It better be, my flight is Wednesday morning, and if I gotta sneak that thing around for longer than half a day I’m gonna be sussed for definite.”  
“I appreciate you doing this man.”  Gabe waves him away with a flick of his hand.  
“Shut up Zach, we’re bros.  Soon to be in-laws.  Shit, you’re gonna be my brother in law.  That’s off the freaking hook.”  
“Yeah.  Never thought this would happen, huh?”  Gabe shrugs and looks down at his hands.

“Hey, uh, I know I’m kind of a goof and all, but I just want you to know that I’m, like, happy for you and shit.  You and Shaun are like…you know.”  Zach laughs; he knows.

* * *

 

 Obscenely early on Sunday morning Zach arrives back at the apartment, eyes bloodshot and face pale.  Shaun laughs sleepily as he walks unsteadily into their bedroom; Gabe had text him last night to warn him that they would be staying out.  Shaun had been for dinner with Cody, Mikey, Mikey’s mom and dad and Linda for his bachelor party, and he, Linda and Mikey’s dad had stayed out, sharing a couple of bottles of wine and talking.

 From what he could make out Gabe had invited Mark and a couple of the other guys from Cal Arts to come out and celebrate Zach’s final week of freedom.  Shaun had mentioned to Gabe that it might be nice if he didn’t get Zach arrested or hospitalised, and Gabe had made very vague sounds of agreement.

 Zach shakily pulls off his shirt and leans down to untie his shoe laces, but the floor lurches toward him and he just about manages to stop himself falling ass over head by clutching the wall.  Shaun tries not to smirk as he gently wraps his arms around Zach’s waist and pulls him upright slowly.

 “Okay, let’s get you sat down, huh?”  
“I spewed on Gabe’s shoes.”  
“Oh jeez.  Where is Gabe?”  
“Some girl in the taxi, I don’t know.” 

 Shaun pulls off Zach’s sneakers and lies him down gently, deftly undoing his jeans and sliding them down.

“Shaun?” comes Zach’s muffled voice from beneath the arm thrown over his face.  
“Yeah?”  
“Love you.”  Shaun smiles to himself, running a hand over Zach’s hair.  
“Love you too.”  But Zach doesn’t hear – he’s already asleep.

* * *

 

When Cody gets back later that morning he peeks into their bedroom, but pulls his head back and turns around, his nose wrinkled up.  Shaun frowns at him,

“What’s up?”  
“Your room smells funny.  It’s gross.”  Shaun snorts and pulls him away from the door.  
“I think Daddy had a little too much fun with Uncle Gabe last night.”  
“What were they doing?”  
“Ah, drinking too much soda I think.  Perhaps we’d better leave Daddy alone.  Wanna go to the beach?”

 Shaun writes a quick note to Zach and leaves it on the pillow next to him:  _Taking the kid to the beach – thought we’d better leave you alone for a while. Dropping in to see Linda and discuss new chapter deadlines etc briefly later, home by 18.00. x_

When Zach wakes up that afternoon he groans, fumbling blindly for the glass of water Shaun always pours before bed.  He downs half of it and winces as it hits his dry throat and confused stomach.  The note from Shaun is sweet, and he smiles weakly, before rooting around for a couple of painkillers, drinking the rest of the water and burying himself back down under the covers.

* * *

 

 Tuesday afternoon Zach picks Cody up from school with Gabe in the back, and they drive out of town to pick up Shaun’s gift.  Zach has already warned Cody to be on his best behaviour and not to say a word, because this is a big surprise.  Cody smiles – he loves surprises.

“Daddy?”  
“Yeah?”  
“When are we going to New York?”  
“Codes, how many times do I have to say this?  You already know.”  
“But I forgot.”  Zach catches sight of his face in the rear view mirror and rolls his eyes.

”Thursday morning.  We gotta be at the airport by six in the morning, so up early, right?”

 Cody squirms with excitement, grinning widely.

“Can we see the Statue of Liberty?”  
“Sure, why not?” 

Gabe turns round and half-whispers;“Hey bud, after these two have their smushy old wedding, we can have a guy trip around – go see some cool stuff, yeah?”  Cody nods happily, laughing when Gabe makes a face at him.

 Back at the house they sneak the present into the closet at the bottom of the stairs that holds the janitors stuff for when they come on Fridays, and which Gabe managed to open using a knife and a piece of wire.

“You’re a criminal, you know that right?”  
“And?  Shut up, you need me.”

* * *

 

Cody is hyperactive that evening, and in between him being stupid and Shaun making phone calls and packing, Zach’s temper is wearing thin.  He’s trying to make sure Cody gets a shower before bed, but he keeps whining and wriggling about, trying to sneak back to the sofa to watch TV.  Eventually Zach stops trying to reason with him.

“Right, you have five seconds to get into the bathroom, and if you don’t then you’re not coming to New York.”  Cody’s face drops like a stone, and he practically runs through the door, and Zach hears the sound of rustling clothing and the small grunt as he struggles to turn on the shower.

 “Blackmail huh?  Cute.” Said Shaun, leaning against the door to the bedroom, and Zach raises both eyebrows at him and ducks into Cody’s room to get his pyjamas.  As he’s leaning down the side of his bed to reach for the shorts that have got stuck between the frame and the wall he feels Shaun’s hands come to rest at either side of his waist.  In spite of himself he smiles just a little and straightens up, pyjamas in hand.

“Yeah?  Can I help you?”  
“Mmm, no, not really.  I just wanted to say hi.”  
“You are such a…”

“What?”  Shaun moves closer to him, hands moving down across the front of his hips and pulling gently to turn him around.  He lets their waists meet, and moves his lips to brush across Zach’s ear, breathing softly. “What am I?”

Zach shivers and moves his arms to encircle the muscles on Shaun’s back, but his hands are stopped, and the pyjamas taken from them.

“Better quit now while we’re ahead.  We can finish this later.  I’ll give Cody his pj’s.”

 He walks away, throwing a wicked grin over his shoulder as he leaves, and Zach shakes his head in disbelief.

* * *

 

Gabe’s flight is stupid early Wednesday morning, and he’s barely awake when Zach drives him to LAX to check in.

“Don’t lose it, Gabe.  Put it in the hotel room – hide it.”  
“Aww really?  I was gonna take it out, have a go on it.  Jesus Christ Zach, I’m _joking_.  I am capable of getting it there without fucking it up.”  
 Zach gives him a friendly punch on the shoulder and flicks him the v-sign before turning to walk away, calling over his shoulder. “Let me know when you get there, right?”  
“Sure thing.”

* * *

 

Cody sits in class tapping the end of his paintbrush against his art book.  He finished his painting ages ago, but has to wait for everybody to get to the end to be able to pack up.  Ms Kelly catches sight of him fidgeting and gives him a tiny smile that makes him blush to the roots of his hair.

 When everybody finally closes their books he rushes to volunteer to collect the paintbrushes, whipping them away from under everybody’s noses, stacking them haphazardly in the bowl in the sink. 

Ms Kelly grins to herself.

“Cody, because you were so helpful you can walk to the front gate and wait for your Dad to collect you.  Have a good summer!”  Cody beams at her and grabs his bag, running out of the classroom as fast as he can, spotting Shaun by the front gate.

“Pop!” he calls, and Shaun holds out his arms as he runs toward him.  
“Hey, what are you doing out so early?”  
“Ms Kelly said I could go before the others because I was helpful and collected the paintbrushes for her.”  
“Is that right?  You must really like Ms Kelly huh?  What are you gonna do when you get a new teacher in September?”  Cody shrugs.  
“I wanted to leave early – school was so boring today.  I kept thinking about New York and Disney, and…”  Shaun takes him by the hand.  
“Yeah, I know.  C’mon, let’s get home.”

* * *

 

Zach places his final bits in the bag and zips it up.  He puts his passport and insurance documents in the front of his carry-on and sits on the bed.  The digital clock flicks lazily to midnight, and he yawns widely.  The text from Gabe came through at half four this afternoon;

_Here safe. Hotel sweet, hot receptionist, mini bar.  The gift is safe n sound, bein stored somewhere safe I swear. Customs guy ass about it, told him to chill out, lol! See ya tomorrow._

Zach re-reads the message and shakes his head, smiling fondly.   

Shaun pokes his head through the door, phone held to his ear, winking at Zach as he replies to the person on the other line.

“Yes, eight o’clock tomorrow at the hotel.  It’s just a dinner Mom, don’t get hung up about it.  Don’t start all that again, it is what it is.  If you don’t like it….no, that isn’t what I’m saying at all!  Yeah, I know.  Fine, it’s fine.  We’ll see you tomorrow.  Yeah, I know.  You too.”

 “Your mom?”

“How did you guess?  She’s had like a half bottle of wine and a valium.  She hates flying.  I did try and tell her she only needs to take one tomorrow, but she wasn’t listening.”  He stops and looks at Zach, who’s sitting on the bed, hands folded in his lap, chewing on his lower lip.  
“What’s up?”  Zach shakes his head, not quite sure himself.  
“I don’t know, I just feel a little weird.”  Shaun frowns and comes to sit next to him.  
“Like sick weird?”  
“No, just…nervous I guess.”

“Hey,” Shaun takes both of his hands and tugs so they’re looking at each other properly. “There is nothing to be worried about, I swear. Tomorrow we’re going to be in New York, and apart from my mom getting drunk, and Gabe trying to fuck anything in sight, I think everything is going to be fine.  Alright?”  
“Alright.”  
“Good, now come on, let’s get into bed.”  
“I’m not that tired, you go ahead.”

“Who said anything about being tired?”

* * *

 

Cody’s alarm goes off at four, and he’s out of bed as soon as he hears it.  Ms Kelly told them at school that sometimes if you get things ready before you go to bed then you won’t forget them in the morning.  So last night he had snuck around his room really quiet and taken out all the things he needs to take on the plane and to New York.  Laid out on his desk is his Ben10 water bottle, his sweater, a book, his iPod that Pop had given him when he got his new phone and didn’t need it anymore, a packet of hard sweets so his ears don’t pop and his old bear.  He explained to Daddy that he was only taking the bear in case burglars broke in when they were away and stole him.  Zach had nodded seriously, not daring to catch Shaun’s eye until Cody left the room.

He treads real quietly past Pop and Daddy’s room, and hears them stirring, and Daddy says what sounds like a swear word, and Pop shushes him and says something in his nice gentle voice.  Cody shuts the door of the bathroom and runs a basin of water, making sure he washes everything that needs to be washed, before taking the hairbrush and pulling it through his hair.  Daddy says that if he promises to look after it he can grow it like the cool surfer dudes on the beach.

He hasn’t told Daddy and Pop yet, but his mom called a couple of days ago, and had asked him to go somewhere where they didn’t know she was ringing.  So he’d gone to stand in the bathroom and shut the door.  She’d said she loved him, and even though he was living with Zach and Shaun he was still always gonna be her little baby.  She said she was sorry she wasn’t around much anymore, and she would try harder.  When Cody had asked about the wedding, Jeanne had gone quiet and mumbled a little nervously.

“Aw, I wish I could be there, I’d love to see you, but Alan says we got to go somewhere else, so I can’t.”  After she’d hung up Cody had felt funny, sort of sad, and sort of worried, like he’d done something really bad.  Even though she hadn’t said anything horrible, and he hadn’t been bad, the butterflies had kept going round and round in his stomach until he felt sick.

 Now he wonders if he should say anything, but thinks about what the other kids at school say; _Don’t be a dirty tattle-tale!_ , and decides that maybe he should just keep his mouth shut.

 

He finishes making himself look as neat as he can, and goes back to his room, the towel wrapped around him, and starts pulling on the clothes he has laid out for himself neatly on the chair.

* * *

The cab pulls up outside the apartment at 5, and they make their way down the steps as quietly as possible.  Shaun puts the suitcases in the trunk and they climb in, Zach sitting up in front, and Cody sitting as close to Shaun as he can, resting his head on his arm.

 The airport is busy, considering how early it is.  Cody looks around, his eyes wide, as he takes in all the people queuing at the desks, and airport security walking around with their dark glasses and radios.

“Big, huh?” Shaun says, and Cody nods, inching closer to him.

* * *

 

They find a place that does breakfast and Zach blearily looks at a menu, blinking and rubbing his eyes.  Pop smiles at him and leans over to kiss him on the cheek.  Daddy grumbles and yawns, and Pop just runs a comforting hand over his back.

 A man at the other table looks over at them with a horrible expression on his face, like he’s just seen something disgusting.  His eyes land on Cody, who pulls the most horrible face he can back at the guy, who looks down at his paper.

“Coffee?”

“Yeah.  Cody, you gonna come help me?”  Together Shaun and Cody walk to the counter, and Cody picks up a bottle of orange juice and asks for eggs on toast.  Shaun says so quietly Cody almost can’t hear him,

“What was that face about, back there?”  
“Nothing, I just felt like it.”  
“Don’t lie to me Cody, why were you making that face at someone?”  Cody looks down at his shoes and shuffles around.

“Some guy on the table behind you was giving you and Daddy a dirty look, so I gave him one.”  Shaun looks at him with an unreadable expression before smiling and chuckling, shaking his head.

* * *

 

The flight to New York is long and boring.  Cody watches a film on the little TV thing, while Shaun taps away on his computer and Zach sleeps. 

 The take-off was alright, but Cody had to close his eyes when they left the ground because his tummy and head felt dizzy, and it wasn’t until they levelled out that he opened them to peek down at the ground.

 Now he looks down at the clouds, and the patched landscape of fields and forests and lakes.  It’s like a toy farm he had when he was little, and he imagines the little people walking about, getting their shopping, going to the cinema, sitting at home, swimming in their pools.

 Shaun looks over to see him with his nose pressed up against the window, and reaches over to tap him on the shoulder.  Zach’s asleep against Shaun’s shoulder, mouth open a little and Shaun speaks quietly to avoid waking him.

“You alright bud?”

Cody nods and smiles, putting his headphones back in and listening to a bit of Justin Bieber.  Whenever he plays the record at home Shaun shakes his head and sighs.  Cody thinks he probably doesn’t like it, so he just listens to it quietly or on his ipod now.

 The pilot’s voice comes on over the intercom system, asking them to return to their seats and prepare for landing.  Cody makes sure his belt is buckled, tucks his stuff back in his bag, grips his passport tightly and looks out of the window as they start to descend.

* * *

 

They get to the hotel at six pm, by now exhausted and ready for a nap.  They ride the elevator to the room in silence, Zach writing a quick text to Gabe:

  _Going to bed for an hour.  See ya later._

Shaun dumps the bags on the floor once they get inside the room, and without hesitation walks over to the bed and lies down on it.  Cody peers round the corner and sees his bed, so toes off his sneakers and pulls off his sweater.  Holding his bear close to him he curls up on the bed and turns his face into the pillow, asleep within seconds.

 Zach stands in the middle of the room, looking around, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering harder now.  _This is the first place I’m gonna wake up married in._

Shaun opens one eye and holds up an arm.

“Are you coming down here or what?”  Zach grins and lies down on the bed, shuffling backwards until he’s pressed up against Shaun’s front, his arm coming round Zach’s waist to rest on his chest.

“Stop thinking.  Go to sleep.”  Shaun mutters, brushing his lips over Zach’s shoulder.  Zach sets the alarm on his phone and drifts off to sleep, visions of tomorrow pursuing each other through his mind.

* * *

 

Zach’s alarm is mingled with another, louder sound.  He presses his head harder into the pillow and screws his eyes up.  
“What the hell is that?” Shaun groans, rolling away from Zach and sitting up.  He gets to his feet and lumbers groggily toward the door, heaving it open.  
“Come on ladies, time to get up!  I got Mom and Larry starting early in the bar downstairs.  You got a half hour to get yourselves looking beautiful.”  
“Gabe, I swear to God, if you wake me up like that again I will hurt you.”  
“Well excuse me for making sure you don’t oversleep!”  
“We’ll see you downstairs.”

 Zach pushed himself up to sitting and blinked.

“What time is it?”  Shaun picks up his phone and pressed the button, blinking at the brightness of the screen.

“7.15.  Hey, Cody!  Time to get up sleeping beauty.”  
“Did he say your mom is here already?”  
“Yeah, in the bar.  Let’s just get down there and get it over with; I’m just praying that she doesn’t start crying in the middle of the shellfish.”

* * *

 

The meal isn’t the biggest disaster in the world; Angela is somewhat excitable and a little emotional, Larry has a talk with Cody about the science of cars and planes, Tori rushes in a little late, apologising for the delay – her flight was put back.  Gabe sits across from her, winking every now and then and making her blush.  Zach grins at Shaun as he’s cornered by Angela, and leans across to talk to Tori and Gabe some more.

After the food they head to the bar for another drink before calling it a night at half ten.  Zach has been persuaded to stay in Gabe’s room to prevent he and Shaun seeing each other before tomorrow.  Both Zach and Shaun protest that that rule is outdated, and doesn’t apply to two guys anyway.  Angela backs Gabe up though, and before he knows it Zach is being ordered to say goodnight before he is pulled away toward the elevator.

* * *

Zach and Gabe sit cross legged on the bed like they did when they were fourteen, but instead of discussing skateboards and girls they talk about houses and jobs and kids.  Gabe looks a little bummed after a while and Zach punches him lightly on the arm.

“Hey, what’s up?”  
“Man, it just feels like everything’s changing now, you know?”  
“Gabe, what are you talking about?”  
“Well, you know, you and Shaun are getting married, and you got a kid, and you wanna buy a house, and…I dunno, things are gonna change, aren’t they?”

 Zach stares at him, torn between wanting to smack some sense into him, and wanting to reassure him that they are still best friends.

“Gabe.  I’ve been with Shaun for like…over three years now.  I really wouldn’t worry that things are gonna change.  I swear, I’m still me.”  Gabe shrugs, but looks more positive.  They sit there in companionable silence, until he sighs.  
“Come on Mrs Shaun, better get some shut-eye or I’ll never hear the end of it tomorrow.”

 Lying next to his best friend in the darkness, it feels like it could be just another drunken crash after a night at the beach, after making out with Tori, after leaving Jeanne with Cody back at home. 

 But this is different, this is the night before he signs a piece of paper to say that he and Shaun will stick by each other forever, and raise a child together. Zach gets visions of driving lessons, of teenage tantrums, of graduations from College, of Cody’s wedding, of having freaking _grandchildren_.

 Before he was comfortable with himself, when he was still lashing out at everybody, those thoughts would have given him a heart attack.  But here, in the Plaza Hotel in New York, with the sounds of traffic and music outside the window he feels like perhaps it isn’t so scary after all.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last official chapter, the day of the wedding dawns...

* * *

Zach feels his shoulder shaken roughly; he groans and shrugs away from it.  
“Wake up!”  Zach opens his eyes, ready to tell Gabe exactly what he thinks of him, and blinks in surprise as he sees him fully dressed, holding a pair of Zach’s jeans in one hand.  
“Gabe, what the fuck?  You’re not gonna do a ‘don’t marry my brother, marry me’ thing, are you?”  
“Shut up. Put these on, we’re going out.”  
“Where?”  
“Just get dressed.  We leave in five minutes.”

* * *

 

Tori knocks quietly on Shaun’s door and grins when Cody opens it.  
“Tori!”  
“Hey sweetie, you ready?”  
“Yup, I’ll just tell Pop.” 

Cody pads over to Shaun, who lies dozing, eyes flicking open occasionally before he huffs and shifts to another position. “Pop?”

“Mmm?”  
“Tori’s here.”  
“Alright kid, have fun.  Remember, tell Tori to be back here by ten thirty, alright?”  
“’K. Bye.”  Looking around as if to check that nobody is watching, Cody leans forward and kisses him on the cheek quickly, scurrying off to Tori, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

 

Mark and Adam get into JFK at eight thirty, Mark bleary eyed but excited and Adam cucumber cool, as usual.  A seasoned traveller, Adam knows exactly where to go, and what to do, and gets the bags, a cab and a coffee with not a hitch. 

Mark hates that he still has a pang of the inferiority he always feels around him.  Adam’s all Italian suits, emails on his iPhone and good wine, while he’s firmly a paint in his hair, working at a bar and Hollywood blockbuster kind of guy.

 Adam looks at him as they rumble through the city in the yellow cab. “What’s up?”  
“Huh?  Nothing, just thinking.”  
“Looks pretty serious.”  
“It’s fine, I’m just tired.”

 Later, once they get to the hotel, and Adam has smoothly organised the delivery of some breakfast, Zach and Shaun’s gift and a romantic dinner for them, Mark sits on the bed, making sure his suit is wrinkle free. 

“Alright, that’s all done.  What do you want to do now?”  
“I might have a quick nap.  You go on and do what you want.”   
Adam sighs and turns to him.  “Okay, what is it?  You’ve been quiet since we got off the plane.”  
Mark shrugs evasively, “I told you, it’s nothing.”  
“Oh, come on.  I know you’re not happy, so why don’t you just tell me what’s going on?”  
Mark sighs in frustration. “I just…you’re really good at stuff like this.”   
Adam blinks at him, confused. “What stuff?”  
“Just…travelling, the city, knowing what to do at airports.  You know.”  
“No, I don’t.  Everybody knows what to do at airports, and I only know what I’m doing in this city because I’ve been here like a dozen times for business.  I wouldn’t know what I was doing if I went to Pennsylvania.”

 Mark scoffs. “You’d be great, just like you are at everything else.”  
Adam sighs and rubs his temple. “What’s all this about?”  Mark shrugs, feeling like a petulant child.  
“I just, I don’t feel like we fit.”  Adam grabs hold of his arms and shakes him gently.  
“Now you listen to me.  I am not with you because I want to make myself feel better.  I’m with you because you _aren’t_ like me.  You’re not organised, and you wear vintage clothes from thrift stores, and you drink cheap beer and like dancing to really weird music I’ve never heard of.  So don’t even try and compare us, because we are completely different.  I love that.  And I love you.”

 Mark feels heat grow in his cheeks and he smiles at him, winding his arms about Adam’s neck and bringing him back down to the bed.

* * *

 

Zach and Gabe sit in Central Park, overlooking the lake.  Gabe has bought them hot doughnuts and strong coffee, and they eat them quietly.

“So, not long now, huh?”  
“Yeah.”  
“You feeling alright?”  
“Just a little nervous I guess.”  
“That’s cool.  Everybody gets nervous, right?” 

Zach fiddles with the cardboard lip and watches the drops of coffee flick up onto the skin on the back of his hand. “I never thought it would get this far.” 

Gabe raises an eyebrow at him; “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

“No, no.  It’s just a little crazy, you know?  Three years ago we’d had that big fight, and I thought it was over.  And now we’re adopting Cody and getting _married_.  It’s all so…big.”

Gabe nods, and takes another sip of coffee, grimacing.

“God, I hate this stuff.”  
“Why are you drinking it?”  
Gabe grins sheepishly. “I don’t know.  Makes me feel like more of an adult.”

Zach smiles.  Even at the age of twenty four, Gabe still acts pretty much the same as he has done since they were fifteen.  Sure, he has an office job where he deals with invoicing and accounts (Zach still can’t imagine that), but outside he’s still the same woman-chasing, hard-drinking, idiotic, kind hearted guy he always was.

“Alright lady, let’s finish this off and get back to the hotel.  A beer will do us good.”  
“Gabe, it’s like ten in the morning.”  
“And?”

* * *

 

Shaun looks at himself in the mirror.  One more day to go, and he’d be thirty three.  They’d tried to book the city hall ceremony for his actual birthday, but it wasn’t available, so they’d  had to settle for the day before.

 He frowns.  Only seven years to go until he’ll be forty, and wasn’t that just an awful thought?  Middle age seems not to be too far away suddenly, and he wonders where the last ten years have vanished off to.  Of course, the last three have been the happiest of his life, all leading up to this one amazing day, where he will finally have the right to call himself a husband, and maybe in a couple of months, a father.

 When things had been bad in his last relationships, he’d always told himself that it didn’t matter; he’d get to this point sometime.  When he’d had the last big argument with Stephen, when they found out that what they wanted was completely incompatible, it had all seemed so far away.  He’d assumed he’d marry a nice guy his own age, interested in sports and charity work – possibly someone his mother introduced him too.

 When Zach in all his nervous, torn-up glory had arrived, full of fear and frustration, it had seemed like the fulfillment of the fantasy he’d had in his early twenties; a young, hot guy, up for sex, happy to give his heart away to the first caring person.  Of course, things had changed, and it hadn't taken Shaun long to wise up to what was really inside Zach’s head.  At least some of it, anyway.

 He’d been disappointed for Zach when Jeanne had left so easily, without a backward glance, but part of him couldn’t help but be happy, because here was his chance to help Zach and Cody, and maybe get a little taste of what he was craving.

 Now, standing in front of the full-length mirror, he feels that little feeling of _Zach_ that he sometimes gets.  Sort of a ‘what’s-he-doing, wonder-if-he’s-thinking-about-me’ thing.

“You are so pathetic,” he murmurs.

* * *

 

Zach swears as he tries to re-do his tie for the third time.  Gabe, who’s been ready for at least ten minutes, stands up and walks over to him, rolling his eyes.  
“Fuck, man, it isn’t hard to do a tie.”  
“Shut up, just because your mom told you how to do one when you were still in the womb.”  
“Fuck you.  I was like four.”

* * *

Cody smoothes his hair down again, trying to make that one tiny sticky-up bit lie down.  Shaun grins down at him as he drags a brush through his own hair and checks Cody’s button hole.

“Pop?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I got butterflies in my stomach.”  
“Alright.  How’re you going to get them out?”  
“I don’t know.”  Cody pouts anxiously.  Careful not to wrinkle his suit, Shaun bends down in front of him and looks him seriously in the eye.

“You know, you’re one of the most important people today, right?”  
“Me? Why?”  
“Because unless you say so, I can’t marry Zach.”  
“Why?”  
“Because he needs you to say you don’t mind, or he won’t do it.”  
“But I already said I didn’t mind!”  
“Well, the people down at City Hall might need to hear it, so you can’t be too nervous, or they might not be able to hear you.”

 Cody looks at their reflection in the mirror and grins, pride swelling in his chest.

* * *

 

Angela puts the finishing touches to her make up and sits back in the chair, narrowing her eyes as she looks at her hair.

“I’m not sure I like what that girl did with my hair.” She says after a moment.  Larry answers from behind the paper he’s reading.  
“It looks fine.  You made her change it twice, so you’re just going to have to deal with it.”  
 She pouts, reaching up to pat at her hair, moving the silvery-golden strands out of the way. “I’m taking some tissues.”  
“Alright dear.”  
“I always cry at weddings.”  
“I know.  And baptisms, and the theatre.”  
“Oh stop it, I do not!” 

Larry moves the paper down and looks at her.  “Angela, you cried all night after we saw ‘An Affair to Remember’.”

“Well of course I did, it’s just heartbreaking.”  
“The theatre staff had to ask if you were alright.”  
“Oh for goodness’ sake, they were just being polite.”  
“Whatever you say, dear.”  
“Do stop being so infuriating!  Do something useful, can’t you?” 

Larry sighs again.  “Like what?”  
“I don’t know, get dressed?”  
“Already done.”  
“The present and card?”  
“Written and in my pocket.”  
“Can you get my…”  
“They’re on the dresser, next to your purse.”

“Fine.”

* * *

 

At midday Tori arrives to accompany Cody and Shaun to City Hall.  It’s only two blocks away, and the sun is out, so they walk.  As they walk along the road people look at the three of them, Cody holding both their hands, and smile.

“They think he’s our kid, don’t they?” Tori says, giggling.  
“Yeah.  I wonder what they’d say if we told them that I’m marrying your ex-boyfriend.” 

Cody holds on tightly to their hands as they talk above him, and looks around at the shoes of people walking past.  He knows Pop told him that he was important, and they need him there, but he’s got a funny feeling that he’s going to do something stupid, like trip over, or burp really loudly, or forget what he wants to say.  Tori looks down at him and sees his worried face. 

“It’s going to be fine, I promise.  Hey, you gonna sit next to me at dinner?”

Cody blushes a little and grins, nodding enthusiastically.

* * *

 

Zach waits in the lobby as Gabe sorts a couple of things out at the desk, and tries to calm himself down, drying his palms on his trousers.

“Zach!”  he turns round to see Mark walking hand in hand with Adam as they walk toward him.  He beams and gives him a quick hug.  
“I’m so glad you guys made it!  Was your flight okay?”  
“Yeah, took freaking ages, and we left at a truly disgusting time, but hey, whatever, here we are!”

Gabe bustles over, and for the first time Zach sees what he might be like in a professional environment.  “Alright, we’re gonna go in and wait for them inside the room.  The photographer is due at one, and the table is booked for two o’clock, so as long as your beautiful Princess arrives on time, we’re good.”

Zach settles for just giving him a glare in response.

* * *

 

Tori gives Shaun a kiss on the cheek before she and Cody turn to walk into the room, and Shaun grins at her.

“Thanks Tori, for everything.”  She waves him away and pats her dress down for the last time before joining the rest of the wedding party. 

Now that it comes to it, his stomach flips uncomfortably.  He knows it’s ridiculous, because Zach got here before him, and it’s not like he’s going to run away, and _why_ is he stood out here on his own like some kind of blushing bride?

 As he steps up to walk through the doorway, he hears the patter of little feet, and Cody pops his head out.

“Pop! Ms Kelly at school told me that you gotta have somebody to hold your arm, or your hand, or something, when you get married.  Like Tina from my class; her aunt got married last year and her grandpa held her arm when she walked down the aisle.”

Shaun thinks he can’t possibly love that kid more than he does right then, and smiles.

“We got a problem then Codes.  I’ve got nobody to hold my arm.”  
“I’ll do it!” Cody says excitedly, and holds out his hand.

* * *

 

Zach hears Cody talking to Shaun outside the room, and shoots the registrar an apologetic look.  She smiles, looking like she’s trying hard not to laugh.  The first sniff from Angela heralds Shaun’s arrival and walk up the ‘aisle’ between the chairs, Cody clutching his hand and walking very straight, a solemn expression on his face.

 Even though he knows this is probably completely inappropriate to be thinking right now, Zach has a passing image of Shaun, shirt open, jacket off, pressed up against the wall of their hotel room.  He clears his throat and blinks, meeting Shaun’s eyes, and they have one of those totally sappy non-verbal exchanges that Zach would totally deny if anyone ever called him out on it.

  _Hey babe._

_Is everything alright?_

_It’s perfect. You’re perfect._

_Shut up._

_Learn to take a compliment Zach, jeez._

The registrar coughs.

“If we can begin?”

* * *

 

Twenty minutes, three tissues and a beautifully written set of vows from Shaun later, Angela, Tori, Cody and Mark throw rice at them as they leave City Hall, while Larry and Adam look on indulgently, offering manly handshakes and claps on the back.

 Zach feels a little dizzy, and grips on to Shaun’s hand as he’s pulled round for a photograph by Gabe on his phone.

“This shit’s going on Facebook like, now.” He grins, and Zach thinks he looks like a little kid at a birthday party.  Cody is holding on to Tori’s hand and giggling while he is wrestled into a hug by Shaun.

“Thanks for your help kid.” He murmurs in his ear, and Cody lets go of Tori and hugs Shaun back, his long blonde hair tickling Shaun’s cheek.  Zach turns to join them, laying one hand on Shaun’s shoulder blade, while the other holds Cody’s arm.

“My two best guys,” Shaun says, winking at Cody.

* * *

 

The photographer arrives, and it gets a little busy, trying to organise everybody into height order, and making sure Angela has stopped crying enough to get pictures with Shaun and Gabe, then Larry and Shaun, then just with Shaun, and so on.

Zach and Tori have a truly beautiful picture together, and Shaun would be jealous of how well they match, but Zach pulls a little face at him and smiles, his head ever so slightly tilted to one side.

_Love you_.

* * *

The meal is wonderful; they go to a small family-owned Mexican place, and even Angela, who sniffs a little at the exterior, enjoys herself, praising the fish tacos more effusively the more wine she drinks.  Zach has removed his tie a while ago, and leans into Shaun, sharing quiet jokes in between mouthfuls, while Mark and Cody have an animated discussion about comic books.

 When Zach excuses himself to go to the bathroom Shaun meets Larry’s eyes.

“Come with me to the bar, Shaun.” He asks, and Shaun bites back the automatic _you’re not my dad_ that his fifteen year old self used as a weapon, and follows him over to the small counter.  Larry orders two Cognacs and pushes one toward Shaun.

“Shaun, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but I just wanted to say that…well, that I’m proud of you.  You’ve done what a lot of guys would back away from.”

“I’m not a lot of guys.”  
“Don’t be so defensive.  I’m complimenting you.”  
“Yeah, sorry.”  
“Taking on somebody else’s child isn’t easy Shaun, I know that, but you’ve done really well.  Maybe better than I ever did.”

Shaun feels like an asshole then.  For all those years he hated Larry reflexively, because he wasn’t his father, while arguing with him over homework, his car, his allowance, college.  Now a slightly sinking feeling tells him that maybe he has been too harsh.

“I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I just honestly wanted to say well done.  Oh, before I forget, this is from your mother and I.”  
 Shaun’s eyes widen when he opens the envelope. “Larry, I…”  
“Don’t even try.  You’re a good man, and even if you don’t ever consider me to be a father figure, I still want to be able to treat you like my son.”

With a shake of his hand, Larry walks back to the table and has another sip of wine, leaving a bemused Shaun staring at the amount on the cheque.

 Zach walks over and looks over his shoulder, whistling lowly. "Wow.  That’s…I don't think I've ever seen that much money before!”

Shaun looks over at Larry, talking to Angela, and smiles ever so slightly. “I’ve been a dick, haven’t I?”

“Yeah, a little.” Zach says honestly, but sweetens the blow by pressing a kiss to his shoulder through his shirt.

* * *

 

The meal ends about 5.30, and Gabe and Tori offer to take Cody while Zach and Shaun have some time alone.

“To, you know, consummate the marriage, or whatever.”  
“Shut up, Gabe.” Shaun and Zach say at the same time.

* * *

 

They let themselves back into the hotel room, and Zach peers into the dim light of the bathroom to see that Gabe has left Shaun’s present there, as arranged, and feels a prick of something like love for his best friend.

 “Hey, what’re you looking for?” Shaun says, hand lazily reaching out to grip Zach’s hip.  He turns to face him, grabbing his face with both hands and kissing him deeply.  
“Woah!  If that’s what being married is gonna do to you, I think it should happen more often!”  
“Go sit down, I’ve got something for you.”  
“Oh really?  Is that what they’re calling it now.” Shaun says, wriggling his eyebrows lasciviously.  
Zach rolls his eyes. “Just go.”

 

Shaun seats himself on the chair, covering a yawn with his hand while he waits, hearing a clunking and a muffled curse from Zach as he moves something around.  
“You okay in there?”  
“Close your eyes.”

 Zach brings the present out and stands it up, chewing on his lower lip nervously.  “Okay, open them.”

 Shaun opens his eyes and blinks.  Zach holds a new surfboard in front of him, and he grins, leaning forward slightly as he realises there is a pattern painted on it.

“What is that?”  
“Come take a look.”

 As Shaun gets closer he sees a complicated twisted design, made up of what look like vines and leaves, framing an image of two people walking next to each other; one tall, and the other much shorter.

“It’s, uh, you and Cody.  That day when we went for the pancakes last year, and you went to talk to him in the playground.”  He pauses, clearing his throat, unable to decipher Shaun’s expression.  “Is it alright?  Do you like it?”

* * *

 

_Shaun sat at the desk, staring at his computer screen, frowning at the single sentence he’d managed to write the entire evening.  The conversation he’d had with Zach at the beach kept playing and replaying in his mind, and he sighed, pressing the save button and shutting down.  He took off his sweater and stood up, stretching his aching shoulder muscles out._

_He took a sip of the beer he’d left on the desk and turned the side lamp off, moving to lie on the bed and willing his body to relax so he could get a good night’s sleep._

_T_ _hat shit with Zach last night; what was that?  Had he mis-read the signals?  Was it one of those ‘oh-shit-I-was-drunk’ things, or was there more?  He hoped there was, but he couldn’t even get near him today; he’d seemed so hostile, like he didn’t want to know._

_Groaning, he lay on his side and closed his eyes.  Seconds ticked by into minutes, and still he lay awake, hearing the sea and the sound of the trees moving.  He missed this, the sound of the home where he had grown up, and wondered what it might be like to…_

_The bang on the front door jerked him back to reality, and he sat up, fumbling for the light again.  Who the fuck was this, at eleven at night?  He slid off the bed and made his way through to the landing, peering down at the glass of the door.  The figure there was shadowy, and he couldn’t make out who it was._

_He padded down the stairs, praying it wasn’t Gabe, in some sort of shit again and needing a bail out.  When he opened the door, his heart jolted violently._

_Zach stared at him for a second, before reaching out and pulling him close, finding his lips and pressing against them with an absolute burning desperation._

_The feral side of him didn’t care that this could end badly; it mewled and pleaded inside him and forced his arms out to wrap around Zach, lifting them when he reached to pull off Shaun’s shirt.  The touch of Zach’s cool hands on his warm skin was almost agonising, and he pulled them further up the stairs, tearing Zach’s shirt from him, feeling the chill of his chain as it was swept to one side._

_“Get upstairs, now.” He growled into Zach’s ear, and grabbed his hand, leading the way._

* * *

 

“Shaun?”  Shaun blinks, looking up into Zach’s face.  
“I…it’s beautiful, thank you.”  Zach’s mouth pulls up at the sides, and he holds the board out toward him.  
“What were you thinking?”  
“What?”  
“You were thinking about something, just then.  What was it?”  
“Oh, doesn’t matter.”  
“C’mon, tell me.”

 Shaun takes the board from him carefully, leaning it up against the wall.  He reaches for Zach’s hands and pulls him until their bodies meet, and he twists Zach’s arms around his waist, and does the same with his own.  Looking into the eyes he’d so easily fallen for, he looked at him for a few moments.

“I was thinking about that first night, back at my mom’s house.”  Zach’s cheeks go a little pink, and they both know he knows what Shaun’s referring to.   
“Yeah.”

 When Zach reaches to push the jacket off Shaun’s shoulders and touches the bottom of his shirt, Shaun almost laughs with happiness, because all this is so much more than he could have imagined.

* * *

 

When they wake later Zach reaches out for his cellphone and taps the screen to check the time.  A message from Gabe waits on the screen;

 

  _Hey, Cody with Mom and Larry.  Me and Tori heading out to a few bars.  If u wanna join call me._

Zach puts the phone back down and nestles back into the space Shaun’s body has carved out for him.

“Everything alright?” Shaun murmurs, and Zach _hmms_ in response.  “Good.  So you won’t mind staying here with me, right?”

“If there’s nothing else better to do, then yeah.”

“Pfft, freakin’ punk.  Just lie there and look pretty.”

* * *

 

The Sunday morning sun streams through the window, right into Gabe’s face.  He groans and rolls away.  Right into someone else.  He sits bolt upright, blinking rapidly before looking back down at the woman with long blonde hair, still sleeping next to him.

_Shit._   Last night comes back to him; shots at various bars, endless toasts to Zach and Shaun, a deep and meaningful conversation on a roof terrace of a club where they shared a cigarette he begged off a stranger. 

Gabe wraps an arm about his stomach as a wave of dizziness and associated nausea sweeps over him, and he wobbles his way as quickly as possible to the bathroom, throwing up almost instantly.  Afterward, he spits the bile from his mouth and fumbles for his toothbrush, retching at the feeling of something else entering his mouth.  He scrubs his tongue until it feels raw, and swills three caps of mouthwash before stripping off the clothes he was wearing yesterday and shuffling into the shower.

 Tori stirs at the sound of the shower and lies very still, eyes flicking about the room as she tries to remember where she is.  A phone next to her beeps, and she automatically picks it up, eyes darting away guiltily when she realises it’s not hers.

  _Hey fuckhead, you coming for breakfast soon?  Where did you and Tori get to last night? Z._

Tori groans, dropping the phone on the bed next to her and bring her hands up to cover her eyes.

 When Gabe comes out they sit in an awkward silence, Tori trying to remove her make-up and Gabe trying to pull on his pants without exposing himself too much.  Finally he turns to her with a sheepish smile. “You wanna grab something to eat?”

“Sure.”

* * *

 

Gabe and Tori fly back on the Monday afternoon; Zach cuts him a look, which he sheepishly avoids as he picks up Tori’s case when they leave the hotel.

“Gabe.” Zach says, and he turns.  “Don’t fuck this up, okay?”

Gabe grins and winks, raising a hand in a wave as he leaves.

* * *

 

On the flight home on Tuesday, Zach notices Shaun playing absently with the silver ring on his left hand. “Is it bothering you?”   
Shaun shakes his head, “no, I think it’s all just settling in now, you know?  It was all so busy out there; we didn’t seem to have much time to ourselves.”  Zach is quiet for a moment, before smiling and saying,

“Well, we’re supposed to be together forever, right?  So I figure that at some point before we die, we’ll probably get a little time alone, don’t you think?”

 Shaun laughs, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

 Cody looks away; _grown-ups are so gross._

* * *

 

**August 2012**

 Cody flops down on the sand, water running in rivulets down his face.  Zach follows soon after, shaking his head as he wipes the water from his face.

“Woah!  Mind the computer!”  Shaun pulls the computer away protectively, curling his body around it.  Zach shakes his head in exasperation.  
“You shoulda married that, not me.”  
“Oh, ha ha.  I’m trying to check my email, but the connection is taking forever.”  
 Zach stretches his body out along the beach towel, poking Cody’s arm and holding out the bottle of suncream.

“But I already put some on!” he protests.

“Don’t care, put more on.  It’s too hot out here buddy, I don’t want you peeling like a banana.”  Cody giggles at the idea and squeezes some lotion on to his hand, running it over his damp arms.  
 “Any luck?”  Zach asks, digging in the bag for a bottle of water.  Shaun doesn’t answer for a minute, his jaw set in concentration, and Zach frowns.  “Shaun?”  
“I…I just got to make a call, give me a minute.”  And just like that he’s gone, taking his cellphone and flip-flops, leaving behind a very confused Zach.

* * *

 

He returns fifteen minutes later, face set in an odd expression.  Zach doesn’t say anything, just digs some change from his jeans pocket and hands it to Cody.

“Why don’t you go get some ice-creams from the van just over there?”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah.  Just get me and Pop orange ones.”  Cody beams at being given such a responsibility and sets off toward the van, parked in the centre of the beach two hundred metres away, Zach keeping a close eye on him.

 Shaun sits down heavily, phone falling forgotten to the ground.

“What is it?  What’s wrong?” Zach asks gently, resting a hand on his arms, now propped up on his knees.  
“That was the lawyer.  She’s heard back from the courts.”   
Zach’s lungs stop filling and emptying, the oxygen pausing in his throat as he waits. “And?”  
“We got him.”  
“What?”  
“The courts can’t find a reason why not.  Jeanne agreed, the Judge didn’t hate us.  It’s happened, Zach.”

* * *

 

Cody holds the change tight in the palm of his hand while balancing three ices in his hands.  He hears his Daddy shout from his blanket and looks up, eyes wide.  Pop’s holding on to him real tight, and the sounds of him laughing float across the heat of the afternoon.

 Gripping on even tighter, he tries to jog a little faster toward them, nearly tripping over an empty bottle somebody has left behind.  When he gets there Pop holds his arm out for a hug, and there are tears in his eyes, and Daddy has the biggest, silliest grin on his face.

“Cody, we just had a phone call, about the adoption.”  Cody nods, stomach twisting with anticipation.  Shaun wraps an arm around his waist and holds him tightly.

“They’ve said you can stay with us,” says Zach, and Cody thinks that’s better than coming to Disneyland, or flying on a plane three times in one month, or even four whole plates of pancakes.  He carefully hands the slightly melty ices over before leaning down and hugging Pop and Daddy tight with one arm around each of their necks.

“Love you,” he says softly, a bit embarrassed, because boys aren’t supposed to say that when they get to eight, are they?  
“Love you too Cody.” Shaun says, and Zach blinks, the words still said shyly.  
“Right back at’cha buddy.”

* * *

 

  1.   _Shelter (adj):_ _A refuge, haven or other_ _cover_ _or protection from something_



Curled up in their bedroom, holiday clothes in a pile by the wardrobe, waiting to be washed in the morning, Zach and Shaun lie curled up on their sides, facing each other, foreheads meeting on the soft white fabric of the pillow.  They don’t talk, just content to look.

Shaun licks his lips as if he’s going to speak, but smiles softly and shuts his mouth, breathing contentedly.  
”Are you happy?” Zach asks softly, after a moment.  Shaun frowns a little, puzzled.  
”What do you mean?”  
”Are you happy, with us, I mean?”  He sees Shaun bite back the sarcastic comment, and close his eyes briefly.  
”You remember that weekend, at my mom’s?”  Zach nods, “she asked me if I was sure about you, because you had so much ‘baggage’.”

Zach hates hearing about that weekend; it was when they had felt at their most distant, and he looks away from Shaun’s eyes.  
”I remember.”  
”And I told her that Cody wasn’t baggage, he was great.  I know you heard the last part.”  
Zach swallows, throat a little thick.  
”You said that having a family was like a dream come true for you.”  
”And I stick by that, always.  You have saved me from being some miserable hack producing second rate novels, dating assholes and eating take-out.  You two have become like my…safe haven or something.”  
Zach can’t help but smile at that, and reaches out one hand to run down the side of his face.

“I feel the same…about you, obviously.  If you hadn’t come home that summer, I would have been working in the diner, looking after Cody and making sure my Dad was still alive, while Jeanne chased her dreams.  You’re like my…I don’t know…my….shelter.”

Shaun smiles and closes his eyes, curling both of his hands to grip Zach’s.  
”Sleep now…husband.”  Zach snorts.  
”Right…husband.”  
  
Out in the bay a mile away, the sea washes in and out, nipping and lapping over the pebbles embedded in the sand.  The moon looks down benevolently on the city, her eerie light throwing up shadows from the buildings.  In each apartment, on each floor, in each room in the tall blocks, people curl up together, alone, with a cat, a dog, a child.   
  
These people don’t realise just how similar they are, and how tenuous their grip on happiness can be.  But for two men and one little boy, in an average apartment in an okay bit of town, they are finally so wonderfully sure that their grip has been strengthened and bound.  Because they are each other’s protection, weakness, strength and, as Zach puts it, each other’s _shelter._

* * *

 

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that's still reading this; sorry for the erratic uploading. I'll get round to posting the sequel one day, I swear. 
> 
> Please note that the extended italicized section later on in the chapter represents a flashback (to one of my favourite moments in the film). 
> 
> This has such a special place in my heart, as it was the first fanfiction I wrote, but I'm under no illusions about it being perfect. This chapter in particular, is full of fluff and schmaltz, and I love it.
> 
> Who knows? I might rewrite the entire thing one day. 
> 
> Thanks again.


	14. Epilogue

**February 2020**

* * *

 

“Cody!” Shaun bellows again up the stairs, to no avail.  He tuts and pulls out his cellphone, tapping a number in and holding it up to his ear.

“What?” Cody answers, the music in the background becoming quieter.  
“Get your butt down here.  And bring your sister.”  
“What?  Why me?”  
“Just do it.  Your dad’s gonna be back soon.” 

Cody sighs, flicks off his stereo and gets up, shoving the magazine back on his shelf before walking to the next door and stepping over the baby gate into Annie’s room.  She sits, surrounded by toys, chattering away to her doll. 

“Come on brat,” he says gently, reaching his arms out to her.  She smiles and twines her arms around his neck, and he presses one of his hands against her back, feeling her baby warmth through her dress.

* * *

 

 “Alright now, quick check.  Balloons?”  
“Check, obviously.”   
"Less attitude from you, kid.  Cards?”  
“Check.”  
“Cake?”  
“Check.”  
“Cases packed?”  
“Check, sort of.”  
“What do you mean ‘sort of’?”  
“Well, I packed my shorts…”  
“Is that it?  Jesus, Cody, I asked you to do one thing...”  
“Pop, relax! I was just joking.”  
“Oh, ha ha.  Very funny.”

“Presents are done, if that’s what you were gonna ask next.”  
“Good.  Right, well, I think we’re just about…”

* * *

 

They all turn at the sound of the key in the lock, Annie wriggling from Shaun’s grip and getting to her feet unsteadily.  She wobbles, and Cody automatically grips her hands, walking pigeon-steps behind her as she pads toward the door, burbling her baby talk.

“Hey, anybody home?” calls Zach, and Shaun grins as he pulls out the matches and lights the candles on the cake.  
“Hey Codes, how was your day?  Hey beautiful!”

 Zach walks into the front room, Annie on his hip, and smiles that gorgeous smile as he sees the coffee table decorated with the cake and cards.

“What’s all this?”  
“Happy Birthday!” Cody and Shaun chorus, and Annie squeals, waving her hands in the air.

Zach rolls his eyes affectionately and lowers Annie to the floor, leaning over to give Shaun a quick kiss.

“Guys, stop!” Cody grumbles, and Shaun shoots him a withering look.

* * *

 

After the cake is finished and wiped off Annie’s face, they sit down to watch Zach open his presents.  Cody has bought him a new set of paintbrushes and a blank canvas (one of the good ones from the art store) that Zach runs his hands over, a smile on his face.

“It’s great, thanks Cody.” 

 Annie has ‘bought’ him a new case for his iPad, after he spilled coffee all over his last one the week before.

 Angela and Larry have sent him a picture of their house at night, taken from the beach; all the lanterns brightly illuminated, casting multicoloured shadows across the building.  Zach and Shaun smile at each other, and Cody can’t help but stare at the picture.  They go back to visit Larry and Angela a couple of times a year, and though Pop moans that it’s going to be awful, Dad makes them go anyway.

 The last present is from Shaun, who hands Zach a small, thick rectangular package.  When he opens it, Zach finds a copy of Shaun’s new book.  He looks at him questioningly, but Shaun just nods.

“Open it.”

 When he does Zach finds, on the second page after the publishers information, a small dedication inscription, written in italic lettering.

  _To my children, Annie and Cody, for bringing such fulfilment into my life.  And to my husband, Zach, for being patient when I’m barely aware of what’s happening around me, and loving me all the same._

Zach runs his fingertips over the letters and can barely speak, murmuring a thick-sounding _thank you_.  Shaun breathes a sigh of relief and grins, running his hand over Zach’s knee.

* * *

 

They go out for a family dinner later that evening at the Pancake House, and though Cody rolls his eyes, they all know he loves it there.  He even distracts Annie and helps her eat her cut up pancakes while Zach and Shaun have a little ‘grown-up’ time.

“So, thirty two now, huh?”  
“I feel old.”  
“Watch it, I was thirty two when we got married!”  
“Really?  Jeez, that feels like a lifetime ago.  What are you now, a hundred?”  
“Ha freaking ha.  Watch that mouth or you’ll get nothing when we get home.”

 

Zach looks quickly at Cody, making sure he’s distracted, and then winks at Shaun, who grins at him.  He lowers his voice, reaching out his hand to touch the skin on Shaun’s arm.

“Nothing?  It _is_ my birthday though…”  
“Keep it PG, we got kids here.”  
“Hey, I’m keeping it clean.  I was talking about cake; what did _you_ mean?”

 Cody makes a face at Annie when he hears the voices behind him lower; he knows what that means.

“I think I’m gonna come watch cartoons with you when we get in, brat.” He says, guiding Annie’s spoon toward her mouth.

* * *

 

Zach’s sitting up in bed later, writing feedback on a piece of artwork as Shaun brushes his teeth in the bathroom.  He can’t seem to muster up much emotion for this watercolour; it’s nice enough to look at, but he doesn’t feel any kind of emotion toward it.

 Shaun walks in; his pyjama pants slung low around his waist.  Zach’s breath does that momentary hitch it does whenever he sees Shaun like this, even after so long.

“Hey, pervert, keep your eyes to yourself,” Shaun says, and Zach shakes his head as if in resignation.  
“What do you think of this?” he says, turning the painting round to show Shaun.   
He peers at it, squinting a little. “Can’t see it that great from here.  Jesus, pass my glasses will you?”  
“It isn’t even that far away.”  
“Yeah, a great perk of being old.  Now give them to me.”

 Once the frames are on his nose he blinks and frowns.

“It’s kinda boring.”  
“I know.  I don’t get it; this guy is normally a real ball-buster; so much of his stuff is really great.  This is just…”  
“Boring?”  
“I heard you the first time.  I dunno, I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”   
Shaun sits next to him on the bed and takes the picture from him, placing it carefully on the floor.  
“I’m gonna put this away, because it’s your birthday, and you’ve got to let your old grandpa husband pay you some attention.” 

The sight of Shaun’s muscles as he leans down is still enough to drive Zach kinda crazy, and he breathes in when Shaun looks over the top of his glasses and winks.  Shaun takes them off and puts them on the side, gently pulling Zach down so he’s lying on his back, and swings his own weight on top of him.  Moving his mouth down past Zach’s hairline and down to the base of his throat, he hums, and Zach shivers as the vibrations ripple through him.

“Now, c’mon good looking, let’s have a little fun before your husband gets home…”

* * *

 

** April 2020 **

Zach’s eyes widen.

“Are you sure?”  
“Yeah, I’m sure.”  
“If you don’t wanna go, I’ll take your place.”  
“Cody, butt out.”  
“You guys are no fun.”

 Shaun looks over at him, a comically threatening look on his face, and Cody holds his hands up in defence and walks out of the room.

“What about the kids?”  
“What about them?”  
“We can’t leave them here.”  
“Can’t we? Damn, the plan is ruined.”  
“You’re such a smart ass today, aren’t you?”  
“They can go stay with my mom.  And yes, before you say it, I have asked her.”

 Zach sighs. 

“This is really a break, with just you and me there?”  
“I can ask someone else if you want?”  
“You know what I mean.”  Shaun rubs a thumb comfortingly over his knuckles and squeezes his hand gently.  
“Babe, we deserve a holiday, don’t you think?  It’s been a hell of a year…”

* * *

 

Zach nods; he’s right.  They had finally got Annie last March, after over two years of negotiations and arguments and pleading with the child services agency, who couldn’t seem to organise their way out of a paper sack.  It was the icing on the top of their cake; in the September after New York the news had come through that Cody’s adoption was official.  After Zach’s graduation in October he had been offered a paid (barely) internship at one of the tutor’s design firms.  Shaun can still remember him sitting there in shock as he was told, and Shaun having to repeat what had been said to him.

 They got broody without even realising it.  They had never really sat down and discussed adopting another child specifically, but when everybody about them started doing it, Zach had dropped it into conversation over a date night dinner one Thursday about three years ago, and it had started from there.

Then, last September they had got a rare call from Jeanne, who’d told them that she and Zach’s father had died of a stroke.  Zach hadn’t known how to feel, and had gone almost silent for three days, sitting in their room, and not eating.  Shaun had never been so worried about him, and had been going in to ask him to go and see someone about it, when Zach had had a bit of a delayed breakdown over it, shedding a few tears and alternating between anger and guilt that they’d never reconciled.

 Jeanne had come down for the funeral, playing the devoted, heartbroken daughter, and as usual treated Cody like a polite aunt, kissing him on the cheek and asking how school was going.  It always affected him when she did that, and he’d gone straight up to his room after, playing his guitar and refusing to talk to anybody.

 In December, Annie had been playing in the front room, and had somehow pulled the tablecloth down on top of herself, along with a decorative bowl that had left her screaming and bleeding from the scalp.  Zach had nearly had a heart attack when he had arrived in a panic at the emergency room to find Shaun white as a sheet, shirt spattered in blood.

Of course, there had been a child services investigation, and they’d received two visits in a month to make sure they weren’t abusing or neglecting her.

 It had been a horrible few weeks, and they’d nearly got a black mark against their names when Cody had got so wound up with the tension and upset at home that he had sworn rather vocally at the woman who had come round to check up on them.  They’d apologised profusely and sent him to his room, and Zach had gone upstairs once she’d gone and got madder than Cody could ever remember him.

 Shaun, ever the peacemaker, had come in later that day with a plate of food, gently chiding him for getting so angry.

“You gotta come and talk to us if you’re mad, Cody.  Don’t just keep it all bottled up, it doesn’t help anybody.” 

Cody had slunk into Zach’s study later and stood there, hands in pockets, not knowing where to start, and Zach had sat with his back to him, still as a statue, turning round after a full minute, standing up and grabbing him for a fierce hug.  They’d had a good talk about it, and Cody got a little choked up, while Zach had looked away, blinking hard.

 

It was only in mid-January that everything had settled down, and by the end of the month both Zach and Shaun were looking considerably older than they were.

* * *

 

“Actually, yeah, a vacation would be great.”

* * *

On the Friday evening after Cody finishes for Easter (“School blows.  I love Easter.”) they drive the kids down to Angela and Larry’s, who greet them all with open arms. Angela whisks Annie up into her arms and coos at her.  Cody and Larry have their manly handshake, and go to look at how Larry’s latest car restoration project is coming on.  Shaun and Zach look at each other.

“So, that’s it then?  No ‘bye guys, see you next week!” or anything?”  
“Guess not.”  
“Maybe we should go in and say something to them.”  
“Maybe.”  Shaun grins wickedly at him and leans his head into the house.  
“Mom, we’re gonna head off now, okay?  Call us if you need anything.” 

Angela’s disembodied voice floats back to him.  
“Yeah, sure thing.  Have fun.”  
 Zach whistles at Cody’s back, bent over as he looks under the bonnet.

“Code, we’re off now.”  
He awkwardly raises a hand behind him in a half wave and shouts something that could or could not be a goodbye.  Zach shuffles for a second, unsure.  
“Zach?  Come on.  They’re gonna be fine.”  He nods, but looks in the direction of the house.    
Shaun grabs him by the hand and pulls him firmly toward the car. “We’re on _vacation_ Zach.  Let’s get started.”

* * *

 

 

They pull up to the cabin just after midnight, Zach snoring softly in the passenger seat of the rental car. Shaun takes the bags up before rapping on the window and smiling at Zach’s grumpy face.

“C’mon, let’s head up.”  
“But we just got here.”    
Shaun grabs his hand and squeezes it. “Zach, we’re on vacation, we can do stuff we want to do tomorrow.  You need sleep.”  Zach murmurs assent before tottering up the stairs and stripping his clothes off, falling into the bed.

 Downstairs Shaun stands for a moment looking out over the valley below.  They haven’t been away alone for at least four years, what with work, and Zach’s exhibition, and Annie, and he can’t help but feel that this has come at exactly the right time.

He waits until Zach has stopped shuffling around upstairs, and turns out the porch light, heading up to join him.

* * *

 

The week passes in a blissful wave of peace, with no kids, no hassle from work, nothing.  They spend the time laughing their asses off, having a lot of sex and talking about the future. 

 One night, they sit outside under a blanket, sharing a bottle of red wine and looking up at the stars.

“Imagine, in like, ten years we could be at Cody’s wedding.”  
“And in twenty five, we could be at Annie’s.”  Shaun looks at him in horror.  
“What?  Who said anything about her being allowed to get married?  I haven’t decided if she can date yet!”  Zach laughs and elbows him gently, bringing his head to lean against Shaun’s shoulder.

“They’re alright, aren’t they?”  
“The kids?  Yeah, they have their moments.”  
“No, I mean, happy, doing well at school, that kind of thing.” 

Shaun looks at him, smiling fondly, because even after all this time and two children, Zach can’t ever be one hundred percent sure that he’s done something well.  
“Yeah, they’re good.” 

Zach’s phone buzzes, and he winces apologetically at Shaun, who is about to open his mouth to say something, before the text tone on his cell also goes.  
“Shit!” Zach says, holding the phone up to Shaun, whose eyes go wide when reads the message.  
“Tori’s pregnant!”  They both laugh and shake their heads.  
“Who’d a thought it, another one?” Shaun says, rubbing his forehead.  “Do you wanna ring him, or shall I?”

 Zach puts the phone on speaker, and grins when it’s answered by a jubilant sounding Gabe.

“Gabe, another one?”  
“I know, right?  I’m just a freakin’ stud.”  They hear Tori tut in the background, and Zach winks at Shaun.  
“Hey Tor, how you doing? Congratulations!”  
“Thanks guys, I’m fine, still slightly surprised, but fine.  Hey, I thought you two were going away for Easter?”  
“We have, we’re calling you from the cabin.”  Zach hears Gabe groan.  
“Are you guys on a dirty weekend?  That’s nasty.”  
“Shut up, Gabe.”

 They finish the phone call, after more congratulations, and promises to visit bump number three, and the other two as soon as they can get away.

Settling back down on the log, they grin at each other.  
“I can’t even believe it.”  
“I can’t believe they let Gabe reproduce.”  
“Tell me about it.  Three times, too.”  
“You know,” Shaun purrs seductively, settling a hand on Zach’s knee. “Even though I couldn’t technically get you pregnant, I wouldn’t mind trying…”

Zach shakes his head in disbelief.  
“Still can’t keep your legs shut for me, can you?”  Shaun shrugs unapologetically.  
“What can I say? You just get better with age.”  
“Oh man, just…get upstairs, will you?”

* * *

 

Jeanne sits on the bed in the new house in Portland.  She hears the sound of Alan singing tunelessly to the radio as he lights the barbeque; the first of the year.  As she does every time she sits here, she flicks through the pictures on her phone to see the most recent one of Cody, taken at Christmas last year, wearing the Abercrombie shirt she’d sent him, a forced smile on his face. 

 She knows he doesn’t care that much for her anymore, and deep down she knows it’s for the best; he’s had more stability and love from Shaun and Zach than he could have got from living with her and Alan.  Somehow that doesn’t stop the pain when she remembers him being little, hanging on every word she said, burying his baby soft face into her shoulder when he was tired.

 To look at the teenage boy now, fringe swept over one eye, muscles visible from the surfing and basketball he plays, she barely recognises him.  A twinge of jealousy starts when she sees the face of the baby; Annie, Zach tells her, holding on to his jeans to keep herself up.  Cody’s hand rests protectively on the back of her head, and he’s clearly just posing long enough to make everybody happy before he’s allowed to get back to his family.

 His _real_ family, she thinks, and her heart squeezes sadly.  She’s forced herself to withdraw over the years, only ringing on his birthday and Christmas, and occasionally Thanksgiving.  He’s turned into a good kid, polite to people and trying hard at school;  Shaun told her a little smugly when they last spoke that he’s headed to be top of his class in Math and Biology this term. 

 Now in her mid-thirties, she knows she still looks good.  She’d tried to reinvent herself when they moved up here, and she worked damn hard to keep Alan still interested.  On her day off in the week she goes down to the gym and works herself until she shakes, scowling at the women that seemed to do everything so effortlessly. 

 They bought the new house three months ago, and it’s the best house she’s ever lived in; there are three bedrooms, a garden and a massive double garage, so they can both drive the big cars they love.  Her job is alright; work in an insurance office, but better than when she was back in Cali.

 “Jeanne?” Alan hollers up the stairs, and she quickly drops the phone on to the bedside table, checking her face in the mirror and tutting when she sees her eyes red and watery.

“Just give me a sec!” she calls, and Alan grunts.  
“Can you get me a beer on the way past please?”  
“Yeah, sure thing.”

 Taking her make-up wipe and expertly neatening the liner and mascara that’s a little smudged, she smooths her hair down and walks out the door.

 The display on the phone with the picture of Cody dims after a few seconds, before fading to black completely.

* * *

 

Cody stretches out in the sun on the lounger in Angela’s back garden, one eye open behind his sunglasses to keep an eye on Annie, who toddles around faster and faster on the soft grass, gripping onto flowers and low hanging branches as she tries to keep her balance.

 When they’d told him they wanted to adopt another kid, he hadn’t known how to feel.  Part of him wanted to get pissed and ask why; wasn’t he enough?  But the other, only child bit, had been so excited at the thought of getting a new brother or sister.  Things hadn’t been easy, and more than once he’d heard Dad and Pop arguing about it, with one or both of them saying they might as well give up, because it was never going to happen.  He’d cross his fingers when the other one dropped their angry voice and tried to soothe the other one into submission, and then things had gone that weird quiet that Cody knows means you can’t go downstairs, because they’re probably kissing or something weird.

 When Shaun had first carried Annie through the door, just six months old, and with her big blue eyes, Cody fell almost instantly in love with her, and Shaun had met his eyes and asked if he wanted to hold her.

 He’d given Jean-Pierre at school a black eye and a bust cheekbone when he’d said something nasty about living with two guys, and Annie being the only girl, and had been suspended for two days when he refused to apologise.  He’d been grounded for two weeks because of it, but still couldn’t bring himself to feel any remorse.

 After that Jean-Pierre had kept away from Cody, and nobody said anything that mean to him anymore.  If anything, it had made him more popular with the girls, who cooed over him sticking up for his little sister, and thought it was so cool, and super chic that he was being raised by two guys.  More than once he’d heard them talking about his dad like he was some super hot piece of ass (which he totally isn’t), and Becky Sullivan had asked him if Pop would sign her copy of his book.  He sighed, but she said she’d give him her number if he did.  After that he was only too happy to oblige.

 Annie falls to her knees, hands reaching out to clutch the grass beneath her palms, reaching for the worm that pokes its head out of the ground.  Cody narrows his eyes, trying to make out what it is, and bolts off the lounger when her hand got nearer to her mouth.

“No, come on, you can’t eat that, it tastes like crap.”  Annie looks up at him, eyes watery, and he groans and picks her up, balancing her on his hip like Pop told him. “C’mon, don’t cry.”

“Aw, isn’t that sweet?”  Cody swung around, startled by the voice from behind him.  Uncle Gabe was stood there, a daughter in each hand.  
“Gabe!”

“Hey bud, how you doing?  How’s this little cutie, huh?”  He lets go of the struggling girls, who break away and run to Cody, telling them in excited voices all about Mommy’s new baby.  He responds as best he can, nodding and acting like he totally gets what they’re saying and looks gratefully at Gabe when he took Annie from him, tickling her under the chin.

 Tori comes through a second later, a glass of water in her hand, looking just as beautiful as Cody always remembers her.

“Hey Tori.”  
“Hey Cody, how you doing?”  
“I’m good, yeah.  You having another baby?”  
“Yeah, insane, right?”  
“Yeah.” 

Gabe notices his blush and grins; Cody’s crush on Tori is well known, and long-standing.  He can’t blame him – she is one hot chick.

 “Come on, let’s go in and say hi to Grandma properly, okay?” Tori says, and like the Pied Piper and his band of rats they follow her inside.

* * *

 

On the final night of their trip, Shaun cooks a romantic dinner for them both, while Zach dozes in the armchair in the front room.  This last night of calm before they get back into the madness of homework and publishing deadlines and marking and freaking  _baby ballet_ classes has to be relished.

 He fishes the plates out of the oven with tea-towel, wincing as the heat seeps through to start burning his skin.  He slides them onto the kitchen worktop and starts serving out the pasta, moving the bowl of salad to the table and brushing a kiss to Zach’s forehead before he goes back to the kitchen.

 Zach stirs, stretching out and blinking.  It was times like this, when they didn’t even need to speak, that he and Shaun reconnected the best.

 Sitting down at the table he grins.

“Smells great.”  
“Thanks.”  
“What time we heading off tomorrow?”  
“Ergh, ten?  We gotta pick the kids up and get everything unpacked before Annie needs to go down.”  
“Yeah, guess you’re right.”

“Hey,” Shaun says softly, stroking one finger down the sensitive part of Zach’s wrist, “we’ll come back next year, for sure.  And we do have the break booked in summer too.”  
“Yeah, I know.  We just never get time together anymore.”  

Shaun looks at him tenderly.

“This is what we signed up for, isn’t it? Two kids, a mortgage, a marriage.”  Zach grins.  
“Yeah.  And hey,” he grabs Shaun’s finger and rubs it with his thumb, “I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.”

* * *

_The End_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, super fluff, but I had to see them all right.


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